Post # 1
My FI is skipping my birthday dinner.
Why? because he is starting a business, and instead of managing his time, decided that this was the week he absolutely HAD to start looking into properties (he’s starting a snow removal /landscaping company). Last week I also mentioned that tomorrow we have a meeting with our decorator for the wedding… and insisted he put it in his phone/calendar so he wouldn’t forget… well, now he will be missing that as well. Also for the business.
I’m really bummed. Just had to let it out…He knows that I’m worried his business will take priority over everything, and while it is important- so is our wedding… he sucks at time management and now I can picture… we’ll have kids but he’ll never make it to a soccer game or recital, he’ll blow off our birthdays, etc… HE was the one that wanted a big wedding (I wanted small intimate destination) but IM the one doing all the work.
I’m starting to question whether this is the life I want. … yes, it is a one off thing, but it is my birthday, and a meeting he knew we had.. and he just doesn’t even BOTHER to try and make alternate arrangement. I had to schedule meetings around our stuff too for my second job, but I always always make sure to work with stuff we’ve already got going on.
Are there any other snow removal/landscaping wives out there? Is it bad? Does it get better?
Post # 3
This is not a one-off. He insinuated (or outright said, I can’t remember) just last week that he would rather find someone to have a big wedding with than scale back his wedding to you. I don’t blame you for questioning.
Post # 4
@mayflowerbride13: Geez, you’re not having a good couple of weeks are you?!
That really sucks about the birthday dinner. I love birthdays and I’d be super upset.
Was it supposed to be just you and him or would it involve the whole family?
I’ve been following your other posts and this is just a theory, but didn’t he break down in front of your dad a few days ago? Maybe he is embarrassed and doesn’t want to see any of your family until the wedding. He could just be super stressed and throwing himself into work. That’s giving him major benefit of the doubt, though.
His actions re: your wedding haven’t been so good.. immature at best. So to answer your question, only you can know if this is the life you want. Has he made time for you in the past? Is he good w. compromise in general? I know the wedding was a big cluster f— situation so let’s not go on that. Yeah you need to put a lot of time, money, effort into starting a business, but I agree that him missing your birthday dinner this particular week (when he could have done this stuff some other time) is unnecessary.
Anyway, if you can see past all the recent drama and you know you’ve found a good man, then I’d say give him the benefit of the doubt. If you still have serious reservations, though, I do suggest you postpone the wedding. Yes it’s expensive, but not as painful or expensive as a divorce will be.
ETA: Happy birthday!!!
Post # 5
I’m so sorry sweetie! I would be upset as well. I mean of all weeks, why this week? I’m sure he could put it off to tomorrow or worked on it today but made sure to break to celebrate with you. I think you should sit down with him and tell him how you feel because money is important but family takes priority.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Try not to let it get you down!
Post # 6
@sportsgal31: Check out her follow-up thread… that comment was coming from a place of pressure from his overbearing mother, and has since been resolved fairly well for now at least.
A snow-removal business, like any other weather-based business will be unpredictable. You’ll have years where there is little snowfall and he just sits back and cashes his contract cheques (clients pay their annual contract fees whether it shows 2 inches or 20 feet in a season), then there will be years when it dumps like crazy and he’s tearing his hear out trying to meet his contracts, the phone is ringing off the hook with complaints, and he’s gone all night trying to clear parking lots before morning.
Honestly, he’s not the best at dealing with pressure, and he seems to take it out on you to a large extent. Think about Christmas… he might be out a lot over the whole season, and bailing out on celebrations because he’s too tired or stressed to show up to family gatherings. That will suck for you for sure.
Or, maybe he becomes such a success that within 1-2 years he’s hired enough staff that he’s basically CEO and not doing any of the day-to-day operations. That’s best-case scenario for sure, but any seasonal self employment will be a rough haul to start.
Post # 7
@canarydiamond: It was supposed to be just my parents, and him… 🙁 I’m not SUPER into birthdays, which is why it was just the 4 of us, but now I wish I had planned something big with my friends… I’m trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, but ugg… it’s REALLY hard.
@sportsgal31: oh ya, I forgot about that (not really but almost). ugg.
WHY do boys suck? oh.. I know, because he is supposed to be a man. not a boy.
Post # 8
@MissNoodles: I read that thread as well. I still stand by my post. I think his priorities are out of whack.
Post # 9
@MissNoodles: Yeah… Christmas last year sucked. I did NOT like finding a tree and putting it up and decorating it by myself. ….ugg.
Post # 10
@sportsgal31: You’ll get no argument from me there.
Post # 11
Happy birthday! I hope it turns around for you!
Post # 12
First, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
Second, (and I hope I’m not ruining the surprise here), but is it possible that he’s using the business venture to mislead you into thinking that he hasn’t planned any birthday celebration for you when he may have actually planned a fun surprise party for you?
Third, if he is unwilling to reschdule business commitments so that he can celebrate your birthday with you, then you are not the top priority in his life and that needs to be remedied immediately. This isn’t a casual, last-minute dinner with a few friends. Its your BIRTHDAY, dammit! And he needs to be there for you! Yes, time management takes work and dedication… but it can be done.
Post # 13
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
I’d be pissed. He’s not missing it because of a work emergency, he’s missing it because of poor planning- a bit rude.
Post # 14
@Miss Mauverick: he’s not the surprise type, unfortunately 🙁
thank you though! and yeah, hes a pooperhead
Post # 15
If you tell him it’s perfect that he’s not coming cuz you and your friends are going to a strip club, would it change his mind at all?! (Kidding. Sort of.)
I hope you have a fun night regardless, and I hope he gets his business all situated ASAP so that he stops missing out on important things.
Post # 16
“I’m starting to question whether this is the life I want”
I….wish you wouldn’t marry this guy. What the hell is he going to be like if you have kids!? Cripes.
Aside from that,