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girl, things get better! keep your head up and just think about how lucky you are that you have SOMEONE who loves you. I am waiting too and I struggle allllll the time as everyone around me gets married/engaged. When the day comes you will be so happy and it will all be worth the wait.
Just because you aren't engaged doesn't mean you can't help. Sure it is his condo, but you are in a relationship still. I am sure you both do things for each other every day, just think of it as a favor, not something you dont have the right to do.
I've only started to go through this since Jan 1st hit. Not sure why. Seemed I would have when we hit a bump in November, but I didn't. I don't even know why I feel like this because we worked through it and things are good, I just keep wondering when it will happen.
Maybe your dad meant it isn't your job as in, he's the guy, he needs to get things around the house fixed, not as in you aren't engaged. Maybe?
I agree about Mr.Bee's plan. It may just work!
Keep your chin up! Here are a couple thoughts:
1. Try not to worry about the future (a.k.a. will he or won't he ask you to marry him on a certain timeframe). You have someone in your life who loves you. Often, women are in danger of jeopardizing that fabulous relationship they have by "pushing" their guy. Look for all the little ways he shows you that he loves you and you're his #1 choice. He'll come around.
2. Don't compare yourself to others in terms of engaged or not engaged. Technically being "engaged" doesn't speak to the quality of your relationship.
3. Look at the "sink duty" in a new way. Your man trusts you to make important decisions in his home space. That's huge! Why not take this as a chance to prove him right-- that you're smart and capable of taking on a new challenge and making his home better. Then, get yourself to Lowe's and bat those eyelashes. Also, you can hire someone to handle the heavy lifting. You can do this!
Aww Clementine, I needed a brand new perspective and you summed it up beautifully. Thank you!
And thanks everyone else, also! I am going to implement some of Mr. Bee's plan.
You are going to ruin your own proposal if you keep this up, seriously. You are going to end up backing him into a corner forcing him to propose before he's ready. There have been a few posts like this floating around. Just be patient. He won't forget you want to marry him if you stop talking about it. So what if other people are getting engaged before you? They aren't YOU. Enjoy Valentine's Day for what it is- a day to emphasize how much we care for our loved ones. The love is there even if an engagement is not so don't let it ruin the day. Get some counseling if you are having issues from past relationships that are projecting onto this one. It's not fair to treat Mr.Tacos like this because of past experiences. You will have your day and it will be wonderful and when it happens, you'll know it was perfect timing and will be glad that he waited until he did. Time goes much faster than you'd think! Just hang in there and breathe.
Well said JoesWIfey! Ok Tacos - keep your head up and dont worry about this!! This happened to me last year - a little after Valentines day. FIs best friend from home got engaged and they had been together for 1/2 the time we had! My now FI knew that I was always wondering when we would get engaged (which was silly because I was only 22!!!) and when he told me they had gotten engaged I was really upset. As time went by it got easier and I realized that being engaged doesnt mean that their relationship is any better than ours! ANd lo and behold 7 months later I got engaged myself! I dont know your story (how long youve been with your bf or how old you are or where you are in your life) but I do know that things need to happen in their own time. And just like another poster said, you cannot force him to propose to you or else its going to make him not want to do it! Just be happy with what you have and the love that you share and things will come naturally when the time is right!
Deep breaths tacos! I know exactly how you feel, and sometimes you just have to force yourself out of your funk! 7 or so months seems like a long time, but I promise it will go so fast. And seriously, it will be an amazing surprise when you get your sparkly!
*hugs* it's hard, girl, I know. There are some days where it is SO hard to keep my trap shut about "WHEN WHEN WHEN?!" even thought I know it's coming in like, 3 weeks. Just hang in there and realize that every day is another day that you're together and happy, and that's what matters.
I don't know if this makes things easier or harder, but it's important to recognize that you might have the same worries about the relationship "disintegrating" even after the proposal. If you feel like this is something more about your own struggles than about Mr. Tacos per se, it's important to take care of yourself and not become overly invested in the actual proposal itself.
Not to say getting married to a man you love isn't a wonderful and awesome thing, but remember that your relationship will still basically be the same as it is now after you become engaged. I can see how the little reality check from your dad hurt, but think of him as having your best interests in mind. I'm sure he doesn't want you to be disappointed, and probably doesn't have as much insight into your relationship as you do.
i never use to want my so away from me.we are like two peasina pod.8 of 10 times we're togther. my so has a trip to england soon.before this whole situation started with us (see other posts) i would try to get time to go with him and be feeling really miserable about it.but i actually want him to go and see what life is like not having me around.i told him i hope he realises how much he is gonna miss me.they expect u act like a wife and not commit.jees
@Cinnamon Roll- Thanks for your post. It was kinda good for me to read what you said about things essentially being the same after an engagement.
I too struggle with some of the things Tacos said. I get insecure and afraid SO will leave me, even though the ring is on lay-away and he constantly tells me how much he loves me and can't wait to marry me.
I really hope that I can get over my feelings of that and my insecurity someday soon! (In therapy now :)
Thanks again Cinnamon Roll!
@bird - There's so much truth to "absense makes the heart grow fonder."
Whenever my hubs and I are apart, it really does bring us closer together... as cheesy as that sounds. (We're going on our 10th anniversary this summer.)
A word of caution-- it would be better for him to realize that he misses you on his own when he's apart from you, than to have you tell him so before he leaves.
It's so ironic that as women we often take on so much responsiblity-- working, caring for our husbands/SOs in ways they probably don't even know, raising families, etc. but then we can fall into the trap of wanting to remind everyone just how long-suffering we are. I mean, it's the truth. We work our tails off. But others tend to appreciate us less when we point it out to them.
P.S. Enjoy your time apart and I hope it's filled with fabulous things: being in charge of the remote, having the covers to yourself, and eating bonbons in your jammies.
Tacos...just...I hear ya. You are not alone. :-)
I hear you also about the Valentines' Day struggle. I love the romantic dates MNbf and I share on V-Day, but other than the time I spend with him, I'm kind of dreading its approach. If V-Day was anything like this past Christmas, with friends and family by the dozens calling me up to ask me if I was engaged yet and me having to say no and feel embarrassed -- SPARE ME.
Is anyone else in that particular boat?
@mngf--Yep, definitely.
It has come to the point where on a weekly basis, when me and my sorority sisters go out, they grab my hand to "check" my ring finger...umm I would tell you duh!
Im really starting to feel pathetic lol
Tacos, don't worry and believe me I *feel* you! Mr. Tiger had me waiting for months - and I mean five months - before I got my e ring. And this is also after him talking about having a wedding in summer of 2010.
Here's my personal story surrounding my e ring:
My FI (Mr. Tiger) and I went on a trip to St Martin last spring and we were looking at jewelry bc it's a duty free zone and we thought, might as well check out the bling and see if I like anything (not an e ring). While searching I found the most gorgeous sapphire I had seen in a long time - emerald cut and so dark and deep blue. My father's family is in the jewelry business so I like to think some of his knowledge has rubbed off on me and I could tell it was a great quality stone. I was staring at it in wonder when Mr. Tiger snapped me back to this world and out of la-la land. We left the store without any jewelry but it's sometimes nice to taste without eating...bad way of putting it but you get the idea.
Fast forward three months when Mr. Tiger gets a call from his brother who announces he proposed to a girl he had been dating for only three of four months! Mr. Tiger was super duper offended bc he's the oldest son and by tradition, he should marry frist.
So months go by - I meet Mother Tiger and Mr. Tiger meets Mother Pearl (finally) after a year plus of dating and after living together for 8 months. We talked about marriage and weddings and when we wanted to get married. He was vague but kept saying summer of 2010. Well, Christmas rolled around and then NYE but no e ring. But he kept on insisting we keep planning our wedding and I was getting sort of frustrated bc buddy, weddings take time to plan. And then, last weekend, out of the blue, Mr. Tiger proposed. And this is after *months* of us chatting about our wedding - we even made a guest list about four months before our engagement!!.
He bought me that very same ring and setting I admired back in St Martin in the spring of 2009. This is the kicker, he bought it back in August 2009 (2 1/2 months after our trip) but was trying to find the right time - he wanted to meet my mother first before proposing and wanted me to meet his brother living abroad whom I met before NYE.
Tacos, he could be planning and wishing and hoping and is just waiting for the right time. Listen to the other ladies, don't pressure him and this isn't an indicator of the strength of your relationship. He loves you and you should enjoy this time in your relationship! Take it easy and don't put so much pressure on yourself to get engaged, either. Things happen on their own time.
It does sound like he has rational reasons to be waiting - I wouldn't want to get engaged to someone who hasn't met my parents yet. (By the time he did meet them, we'd already decided to move in together which made the meeting all the more stressful... fortunately they really like him AND moved in together themselves very quickly, so it was ok.... but nerve wracking.)
Maybe your dad doesn't actually know what to do with the sink (quite possible, even if he's generally handy, since he hasn't ever seen it firsthand) and is trying to evade responsibility. I know people put a lot of emphasis on getting engaged, but not having taken that formal step doesn't mean your relationship is any less serious or important in his eyes.
Relax and enjoy being with him, enjoy what your relationship is now and the anticipation of what will come later. Don't push him, and don't get down on yourself. It sounds like he's waiting for particular reasons, they make sense, and he's not waffling because he's not sure he wants to be with you. So enjoy being with him now, especially for Valentine's Day.
Dont worry. u are really dwelling too much on the " not being engaged" factor. It happens to alot of us. But what you need to do is concentrate on your relationship with mr. tacos. Destress, pamper yourself, and just don't bum your self out with negative thoughts. Believe me I've been where u are. Waiting 4 the ring. I even secretly had a timeline. U know that thought of "if he doesn't propose by this date, I'm out." In the end my day came and so will yours.
I second the other posters' comments about following (very deliberately and consciously) Mr.Bee's plan of attack.
Have you read it? It's DEAD ON! I wish I had gotten and taken that advice while I was waiting for a proposal....for 5.5 years!! P.S. AFter that we had a 2 year engagement!!!!
Believe, all good things are worth the wait!
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Hi Bees,
Mr. Tacos was gone for the weekend and returned last night. It was truly wonderful that he came home, but sometimes I feel sad he hasn't proposed. By now, everyone knows he is waiting for his brother's wedding to pass (in May) and also to meet my parents (in July) before he will even think about it.
One of my coworkers just got engaged, and with Valentine's Day upcoming it is a little difficult to put on that happy face. It really has nothing to do with Mr. Tacos, my own underlying psychological issues are what I battle with. Most of them stemming from prior relationships full of hope and then disintegrating.
I guess I am a little down because I called my father for advice about a bathroom leak problem. Mr. Tacos needs to replace the entire sink and he asked me to get everything figured out - including the replacement. When I asked my father for his opinion he said it wasn't up to me, it was Mr. Tacos job and I felt like an idiot. Mostly because he was right. It isn't my job. I'm not engaged, it isn't my condo.
And that is ridiculous, isn't it? I was given creative control to offer solutions to Mr. Tacos, and now I was made to feel I don't have the right to because we're not engaged.
I don't want to become "that girl" who needs constant reassurance, so I'm turning to this board for a little support in my weak moment today. Does anyone else go through this periodically? I am a little afraid that after his brother's wedding, and after he meets my parents.... he will say he's "not ready yet".
And I'm not waiting for someone who isn't ready, because I want to have a family in the next four or five years. :(