- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
Im sorry your so upset ;( But some people only really celebrate wedding anniversaries. We have never celebrated an anniversary, BUT I would be really mad if I had expressed to FH that I was upset that he didnt and he still didnt after that.
I hope it gets better once you are married and can celebrate every anniversary to make up for the years that he didnt!
I'm so sorry that you're upset. But I think the PP has hit the nail on the head. Your FH already said that he thought dating anniversaries don't count after you get engaged. It doesn't mean that he doesn't care about the day, but he probably doesn't think that a big deal needs to be made out of it. What about you cook him an awesome dinner so when he comes home he knows that it matters to you that you both celebrate it? DH used to not celebrate Valentine's with me and it used to make me upset to no end until I found out that he thought it was too commercial and he didn't know I wanted to celebrate it with him. So when I found out I made a special effort one year and since then he knew I thought it was a day we should at least spend together.
@mishelleez- I think in the beginning it was the anniversary but now it's the fact that he does nothing even when he knows how hurt I will be. Well for my first anniversay I will be at my FSIL's wedding so I guess we can scratch that one too.
He may surprise you somehow!
Something FI has told me several times: There's no point in being upset before the fact, when you don't know what's going to happen. Get up, have a great day, and be upset after if you have to be!
Why don't you do something super amazing for him instead? Don't worry about what he does for you, just worry about what you are doing for him :)
Sorry this has become a depressing day for you. Some of what you describe sounds like typical guy-brain to me, but it is strange that he knows how much it affects you and doesn't acknowledge it. Do you think he will treat your wedding anniversary differently?
@littlemissmoo- I wish I would even get to see him today. He is working until 8:30 and then has a softball game and tomorrow after work I am leaving for my bachalorette party.
@orangie- Maybe, but I just don't want to get my hopes up. I did spoil him one our 3rd anniversary and it's been all downhill from there.
Also, I really don't want to put myself out there for the 3rd year in a row to be hurt again. I can do something special for him but it will only be more of a confirmation that he will never do anything back.
@Edina- I hope but probably not. We won't even be able to celebrate the first year so who knows after that.
I'm so sorry you're upset! I would be too. You're right, the anniversary itself may not be a huge deal in the grand scheme of things. But because it happens to matter to you, and you've told him several times of its importance, he really should make sure he does something sweet for you. It doesn't have to be time consuming, expensive or ellaborate. That's what I tell my husband all the time. He does so many 'sweet' things, like take out the garbage or clean the bathroom. But sometimes I just want him to take me somewhere we've never been or something along those lines. I'm sure you've had similar talks each year. Here's hoping he's got something up his sleeve, even if its at 11:30pm.
If it makes you feel any better, I've been with my SO for 7 years and we've never celebrated an anniversary. We never had a specific date that we started dating, and we never felt the need to choose one just to have an anniverary. Sometimes it bother me that we don't celebrate another year of being together, but I'll just have to wait for marriage to do that.
I had similar problems with my FI just not getting the importance of dating anniversaries and I told him how it hurt me. He asked for a redo (which was not the same but super nice) and took me out to dinner at a cool restaurant. I also learned that sometimes, I have to plan something and let him in on it for him to get that it is important o me otherwise, he just kind of brushes it off. Like Littlemissmoo, my FI thought Valentine's day was just a commercial holiday and never planned to celebrate despite the fact that I told him I liked the holiday a lot so I planned a nice evening dinner and made sure to fix my work schedule so I would not be traveling on Valentine's day and could spend it with him. Then he really got that it was important to me to just do something together to acknowledge the day. Maybe you could do something nice for him when he gets home from work today in order to celebrate your last date-aversary before the wedding. Next year, you can plan to celebrate your first anniversary a day after FSIL's wedding and in the future, you could even have a joint anniversary celebration if you guys get along with FSIL and her hubby!
Girl I feel ya. DH is like this and sometimes I get really disappointed and then i tell him and he's like, "I didn't think it was a big deal because of XYZ" or "why didn't you just tell me?"
It's gotten to the point where if i WANT him to do something, i need to tell him. Kinda lame, but he just doesn't think it's a big deal and/or forgets.
You said, "He went on the tell me about how sorry the year before turned out and he already had this year all planned out and promised he wouldn't let me down." so surely he didn't just forget his promise to you. give him the benefit of the doubt. When he gets home tonight, who knows, he may have flowers in his arms. He may have something up his sleeve. You just don't know yet, so don't put the cart before the horse.
Is this the last dating anniversary you'll celebrate since you get married next month? Or is this somethign taht you think will come up every year? You could just go out to dinner in the years following....I don't think it's a *big* deal to celebrate a dating aniversary after engagement/marriage, but I understand that it's nice to simply acknowledge it and I think a dinner out or just making a point of mentioning it a nice way to go about it.
@jenniferespos- Thanks for understanding. I would be happy with a 50cent card from the dollar store, I just want to be acknowledged since he knows what it means to me. Thanks for the hope!
suprise him by showing up at his softball game with a bottle of sparkling wine for after the game! If nothing else, you'll embarrass him in front of the guys which will hopefully make you feel better about being the only one to acknowledge the day :)
My FI always works Valentine's Day and it used to bother me. Then it bothered me more because he KNEW I didn't want him to work, but he would schedule himself anyway (it's a relatively flex schedule since it's a casual part time job while he finishes school)...but we were eventually able to talk and figure out that, really, all I wanted was the recognition that hey, I was special, and this was a good day to say that. Is there a way you can re-schedule your special day so you feel wonderful but it still fits in his schedule? Even if you can find a way to have a nice date night sometime in the next week or so, that might help. I don't want to diminish what you're feeling, but I have felt similarly so I know how hurtful it can be, and how, in the end, you might be able to find a compromise that suits you both.
I think now that you're engaged and getting married you shouldn't worry about your "dating" anniversary. It's something that's nice to celebrate when you're only BF & GF but I think continue to celebrate it once you're engaged is a bit odd (seems like celebrating your engagement anniversary once you're married).
Especially since you've been engaged for over a year and are getting married next month, it's not as if you need something to celebrate your time together. I'd just let it go.
It seems as though many of you girls have had similair problems and you spelled it out for your FI and told him how important it was an after that he did something. Well I have tolded my FI how important it was to me, he has seen me so hurt over it, and still nothing!
I want to really hope he is going to pull through, but I just feel like if I get my hopes up and he doesn't pull through I will be beyond crushed.
@slicey- I would, but I don't have a car anymore cause FI bought a box truck and doesn't like driving it when he's not working. So after work he takes my car for the night, we are looking to buy an extra car.
@Roxy, literally, i say, "hey we're going out to dinner tomorrow night and i made us reservations"
Sometimes you gotta take the bull by the horns.
@ejs4y8- I hear you. So know longer just telling him, I should just do it and tell him when and where to show up. But part of me just wishes he would acknowlegde me and not me telling him what he has to do.
Hear hear ejs! Take the bull by the horns Roxy! Last year for our dating anniversary I told DH a month in advance that I was cooking a special dinner for him that night - I still had to remind him another 3 or 4 times!
Ok girls, I will definetly try the new approach because we all know mine isn't working LOL
@roxy, if only it always worked that way! There are some things my DH does very, very well, and some places he lacks romanticism in--sounds very much like your FI. I figure I'll pick up the slack in those areas and count my blessings in others. But i guarantee that he'll a) appreciate that you did it and b) be more inclined to "return the favor".
@roxy821: You said that your first wedding anniversary is blown?? Why not go to the FSIL's wedding and make it a night out for you two. Plan on getting a great room at a great hotel and take the next day off as well and go out and do something together. That's what I'd do if a family function got planned on my anniversary date!! ;-)
"I was so upset I stopped speaking to him and was really debating about calling the wedding off."
Wow. Maybe I'm just weird but I can't see getting upset about that. He probably just sucks with dates. I don't know my FI's bday offhand. I only know our dating anniversary because that's when he proposed to me and I only remember that exact date because he makes a big deal out of it every year. I can't really imagine how hurt I'd be if he got this upset with me about it. Some people just don't make a big deal out of anniversaries.
@ldyparadox99- That would be an awesome idea but there are no hotels in the area that are closer than our home, but we will celebrate sometime I hope.
@TowerofTerror- It wasn't the anniversary and he certaintly did not foget the date. I was the fact that I told him how important something was to me and it would break my heart and he seemed to care less. Having someone do something to you to deliberately hurt you has to make you question your decisions.
@roxy821: I can understand how difficult it may be. I love romance and feeling surprised, but my Fiance sucks at it. It ends up hurting me so badly.
My advice tell him exactly what you want, write it down on sticky notes, leave him voicemails, tell him and make EYE CONTACT. I think ejs is right, just make reserverations yourself and be explicit "we're going here tomorrow."
UPDATE: Just received 2 dozen long stem red roses delivered to work! 
Thanks for listening and keeping my spirits up!
Oh, YAY! I was getting sad for you while I was reading this thread, so I am so glad that he did that for you! :) I bet they are beautiful.
Also, our dating anniversary is on Christmas, so while we're always busy with family (but together), we make sure to at least acknowledge it, and my feelings would be hurt if he did not even mention it. Our anniversary of being engaged is on Valentine's Day (what is up with us and holidays???), so it's the same thing.
P.S. Are you going to his softball game tonight? Maybe you could have him pick you up on the way, or have one of your girl friends go with you. I know my FH really loves it when I go support him at his hockey games. Even though you're not actually spending time together, he will know that you are there for him.
@JenniMichele- You guys seem to like the holidays! It's just the acknowledgement that some guys don't seem to get lol. I usually do take the dogs to the games but since I haven't had a car for the past 2 weeks it's been hard.
Aww, I'm sorry you feel bad today. FI doesnt rememeber any dates at all... his sister has always had to remind him of any familys birthday. He's lucky mine falls on a holiday, or else he probably wouldn't remember that either - I joke about it all the time that its probably half the reason he's with me. He has no clue the date of our first date was, or when he proposed, and has already told me that if I dont remind him of our wedding anniversay, he probably wont remember that either. Oh well, luckily for him, I don't do much to really celebrate anniversaries either, its usually just another day to me. But I'm sure that when he forgets, or doesn't really think about it on that one day... its just the male brain. He does care and love you everyday... I'd like it more if he just had random days here and there where he did something special to show his love, rather than on a holiday or date where he's 'supposed' to.
Great news about the roses! Two dozen would look magnificent. Now shower him with love or his favourite meal or treat him with something that he really, really likes... nothing like a bit of reinforcement to help him remember it next year. ;)
READ THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES BOOK!!!!!! Mine is gifts (so like, a card to me is the ultimate acknowledgement) while his are different (tie for physical touch and and words of affirmation) so to him a massage and telling me happy anniversary would be enough. The book helps us communicate how we feel to the other in a way they'd best REALLY appreciate it. I think you'd get a lot from it. You can take the quiz online too, just google it!
I totally understand bc Mr TM's idea of a romantic anni date for our 5-year was to suggest watching football at a bar...You can imagine how well that went over. His excuse was that he thought our wedding date was now our anniversary which I'll give him but still!! I was mad!! So I get what you're feeling and I'm sorry!
I have been with my FI since 2001- nearly 9 years. We have NEVER celebrated our anniversary. He still proposed and wants to marry me. So I don't think our celebrating or not celebrating our anniversary is symbolic of his love for me. That is just my personal opinion and you obviously feel different. Maybe you are just overly sensitive right now. It is annoying when the man you love doesn't get it! Trust me-- this is not the first or last time he will inadvertently upset/hurt you. Men, sometimes, just don't get it, no matter how many times you tell them.
Try to focus on the other good stuff he does. Sometimes in the wedding planning we start looking at the relationship under a microscope just to be sure, that we're sure.. It's normal. However, if you thought about calling off the wedding because of it, you may be setting yourself up for disappointment in your marriage. Men are very different from women, and you can't expect him to be/think/act like you---as a woman-- would. It is just not realistic.
Give him crap for forgetting/not doing something to celebrate it, then move on.
Hugs.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| MissBoPeep | 94 |
| ndreighton | 78 |
| hisgoosiegirl | 56 |
| beargoose | 55 |
| Mrs.KMM | 46 |
| akp0702 | 42 |
| BetterSherm | 42 |
| MrsBlueSeptember | 41 |
| MrsPom | 37 |
| Beckster329 | 37 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| MerryWidow | 6 |
 bricon |
6 |
| Jade33 | 6 |
| Sunfire | 6 |
| WillyNilly | 6 |
| Shera2550 | 6 |
| cardnasac | 5 |
| mags2233 | 4 |
| lorie | 4 |
| ananombee | 4 |
For the past two years he has completely broken my heart on this day. On our 3rd anniversary he just told me he had been so busy that he didn't even have time to pick up a card. I was crushed and he knew it and apologized about hurting me and all that. On our 4th anniversary I didn't want to be hurt again so I brought it up over and over for about a month so he had no excuse to forget and came out and told him it would be really nice if he remembered me even with a card.
So our anniversary comes and he remembered but it no way acknowledged our anniversary, he said that he thought since we were engaged out dating anniversary didn't matter. I was so upset I stopped speaking to him and was really debating about calling the wedding off. I didn't know how someone who was supposed to love me could do something that he knew would break my heart. We spent a few days apart, but we had a vacation booked for later that week so we took that time to mend our relationship.
A couple of months back when my girls started planning my bachalorette party (it's this weekend) I started thinking about the fact that it was our anniversary the day before and I said something to my fiance that I just couldn't have my heart broken this year only weeks before the wedding. He went on the tell me about how sorry the year before turned out and he already had this year all planned out and promised he wouldn't let me down.
So this year I just told myself that I was just going to act like this day was anything important, just another day. But as much as I pretend it doesn't bother me, this morning I didn't even want to get out of bed this morning and I cried all the way to work. He won't be home until around 11:30 tonight and I will be sleeping so I guess here goes another year.
My FI is a wonderful man and treats me like gold so I know I shouldn't care about something like this but I think the part that hurts me the most is that he knows how much it hurts me to be forgotten and he still could care less. And yes he knows today's date since it's his sisters birthday and he reminded me of that this morning, but failed to mention anything about our anniversary.
Thanks for letting me vent. I just needed to write this all down in order to get through my day.