Post # 1
It’s such a strange feeling – there are so many directions a persons life can take, each decision takes you down a different path. And today more than ever I feel like I can see so clearly where my life could have gone. Today was supposed to be my wedding day; until I called it all off in November last year. This post isn’t about regrets – I don’t regret my decision. Actually I celebrate my decision every single day of my life because I avoided what I truly believe would have been a terrible mistake. I may have been getting married today, but I’m positive I would have ultimately been unhappy and eventually divorced.
It’s so hard to listen to your gut and follow your heart. For me (and I’m sure for many others) it’s hard to put yourself first all the time. It’s hard to say the tough things that you know will hurt someone else. It’s sometimes really hard to be honest with yourself. The truth is I shouldn’t have let it get to the engagement. The truth is that I knew deep down that something was wrong in the relationship months and months before he asked me to marry him, but I didn’t want to go there, and I didn’t want to face the truth. It’s not in my personality to fail when I give something my all, and getting out of another long-term relationship (I’d done it before) just felt like it would be such a failure. All that time, energy and emotional investment for nothing. I’ve learnt that it’s not a failure. It’s cliche but it’s a learning experience, and I grew from it.
For any of you other girls out there who might be harboring doubts or questions – don’t ignore them! I’m not saying that it means you should end your relationships – but I’m saying that your true feelings deserve to be heard. Listen to yourself, ask yourself some tough questions, talk about it with someone else. Please don’t push everything down and ignore it. Honesty is the best policy and it starts with beingn honest with yourself. Everyone deserves to be truly happy and the quickest way there is to be honest about what will make you happy.
Today was supposed to be my wedding day… and I’m so glad it isn’t.
Post # 2
smad11: You are a wise woman. Wishing you all the best.
Post # 3
<3 thanks for sharing. you’re a very strong woman and i admire you for making the right choice.
Post # 4
You’re a very strong person and it sounds like you made the right decision. I’m sure that it’s hard to avoid thinking about what could have been today, but now you have the self-awareness and ability to focus on what you truly want. So, go get it and don’t look back. You can do it!
Post # 5
This was beautifully written.
I ended a 3.5 year relationship last summer for similar reasons. We weren’t yet engaged but it was probably coming soon, and though I had wanted that with him for a time, I didn’t anymore and my gut was telling me something was wrong and we’d gone in different directions.
I am more happy now than I ever have been and though it was one of the hardest things i’ve ever done, everyday I’m glad that I did it.
You’re amazing for being true to yourself and having the strength to do it. <3 hugs
Post # 6
Good for you. I ignored all those red flags and married “that guy”. We were together for 17 years and I was miserable for most of it. I wasn’t strong enough to stand up for myself and I got steamrolled. I wish I had your wisdom back then. Best wishes to you for a bright future!
Post # 7
smad11: Please finish this novel ! The first two paragraphs sound quite unputdownable 🙂
Post # 8
smad11: You are SO smart to have figured it out before the wedding. So much harder to get out of later. Good for you!!
Post # 9
Im glad you’re happy! that’s all that counts! <3
Post # 10
smad11: I love this post! So many feels. What you wrote really spoke to me because I went through a very similar experience and I truly stand behind everything that you said. It’s scary to make such a life changing decision because no one really knows where life is going to take them and it’s really easy to second guess those gut feelings you get when you are unsure about the future with someone.
I know there are so many posts where someone is unsure if they should be with someone and there are those who say “Just leave, walk away”. That is sometimes always easier said than done. The amount of time invested into a relationship to can really make you second guess whether leaving is the right thing to do. Everyone has their faults, their ticks, and sometimes it’s not a matter of finding a “perfect mate” but finding someone that is worth building that relationship and working through the differences.
I am happy to know that you can look back and know deep down that you made the best decision and there are no regrets, because that is always the fear when you make that decision.
Alot of women can relate to your post, myself included. Stayed in a 5 year relationship much too long and was too afraid of leaving because I didn’t have enough confidence in myself that I could actually make it on my own. Isn’t that a sad thing? I honestly thought that I needed someone to help me to make it in life. When I did leave, I was terrified, I didn’t know how I would do it, I was stressed. But, that fear passed and I took it day by day.
I think we need to all give ourselves more credit than we actually do. Myself included.
Post # 11
This should be required reading. Glad you did the right thing for you. It frustrates me to see all the women who hang on to dysfunctional or mediocre relationships. Your future husband and children will thank you.
Post # 12
I had a very similar experience as this one. 8 years ago I was engaged to be married, the wedding was barreling down twowards me and with a month to go before the wedding, I called it off. It was unbeliavably hard as Andrew was an amazing man who clearly adored me. I just didn’t love him the way he deserved. I never should have accepted his proposal, but I did and I regretted it almost instantly.
I am so glad I called it off because it helped me realize who was right in front of me and who I belonged with. My now FI had been in my life since we were children and a year after I broke it off with Andrew, my now FI and I began dating.
Post # 13
Great post. Thanks for sharing. I wish everyone had to attend a course that gives this kind if advice before walking down the aisle. It takes lots of courage to walk away, even when deep down you know it’s for the best.
Post # 14
Thank you for writing this post.
There are so many ladies on this board, and ladies who will show up later, who need to hear this message and take it to heart.
Post # 15
Love this post! I wish I had listened to my gut like yourself. Granted, then I probably wouldnt’ be where I am with SO right now. I don’t regret getting married for this reason but if I had read a post like this back then, it may have saved me some extremely difficult times.