(Closed) Together since 1999 and still no ring :(

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Do you think I should leave a man who hasn't proposed in 13 years?
    Yes : (48 votes)
    62 %
    No : (11 votes)
    14 %
    Don't know : (19 votes)
    24 %
  • Post # 3
    1729 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Holy crap.

    I’m assuming you’ve talked about this… what does he have to say? Does he truly never want to get married again?

    If that’s the case, and marriage is something you value, this is not the right man for you.

    Post # 4
    1314 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Only you can decide that. It all depends on how important getting married is. Is it an absolute deal-breaker or can you stay with him and be happy, unmarried, perhaps forever? What does he say when you talk to him about it?

    Post # 5
    538 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Have you talked to him about it? I’ve been with my SO for 11 years but we are also younger and are now ready to get married. If marriage os very important to you, you should talk with him and see what he is afraid of.

    Post # 6
    7293 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    My mother was widowed in her young 30’s very tragically and to be honest she never wants to get married again.

    I don’t think your man doesn’t have commitment for you , its more of a painful past situation.

    Im not sure if you have talked to him about it, but my mom forewarns people she dates that she can’t even fathom marriage at the moment. 

    Theres always a promise ring or somthing if your looking for a symbol for outsiders or a token between the two of you.

    Post # 7
    436 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    You’re a very patient lady.

    my advise is that you have to decide how important being married is to you, and if it’s a ‘deal breaker’ then it may be time to move on

    Post # 8
    6256 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2014

    WOW. That sucks. Though it seems his reason for wanting to delay commitment is more valid than many I’ve seen on here. 

    I think you two are overdue for some long, serious talks. Also, it’s possible relationship counseling will make him come around, if he will agree to it. 

    Good luck.

    Post # 10
    1363 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    @VonnieB: Hi, fellow Canuck. May I ask? If you got together when you were 31 and you are now 43, didn’t you expect a proposal a lot sooner than this?

    Post # 11
    4512 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    @VonnieB: I suppose all the above far outweighs a ring….. right guys?

    Not if you want to get married. I’m not criticizing your SO, because I’m sure he’s a great guy and I can understand why he might not want to marry again. But you are not the one who had a spouse die. YOU should have your chance to be married if you want to. And don’t believe anyone who tells you marriage isn’t a big deal — if it weren’t a big deal, then your SO would have just gone ahead and married you by now to keep you happy, right?

    Do what your gut tells you — that’s all I’m saying. 

    Post # 12
    5110 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 2011

    Yes I do think that all of those things outweigh a ring… But if marriage is something that you value and always something that you have wanted, then I am thinking that maybe hes not the right person. What are his reasons for not wanting to marry? And why did you wait so long to bring it up to him?

    Post # 13
    602 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I think as a couple that has been living together since 2003 that you are liekly committed and stable which ultimately is more important (as many “married” couples haven’t acheived this).

    I understand wanting the officialness of marriage but can also understand his apprehension.  At least it is for a “valid” reason rather tahn just “not wanting to”. 

    While I’m sure this isn’t your primary reason to want to be married and I don’t know exactly how common law works but it seems like you should be covered on a legal end at the very least.

    Post # 14
    347 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @VonnieB:Do you think he sees no reason to get married? or has not thought about it? Since you guys have been living together as you have said since 2003. Have you talked about? I would make it known that you want to make it “official.”


    Good Luck to you!

    Post # 15
    1468 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    @VonnieB: As long as marriage isn’t a dealbreaker for you, you’re happy and willing to compromise on this…AND he takes care of you and loves you like a husband should…I don’t see anything wrong with it!

    I would take a PP’s advice and just maybe have an “unofficial” commitment (though it is not unofficial at all as long as you two are together and acknowledge it). I say you still deserve a ring though, even if you don’t have the big wedding. At your ages, I would not call it a promise ring, but a commitment ring.

    This is actually one of the few circumstances underwhich I understand staying with a man who has not proposed.

    Good luck to you!

    Post # 16
    181 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Have you told him you want to get married? Becaue he is not telepathic. If you have never sat him down and said ” I want to get married” as plainly as that then any other hinting will not have gone far enough to convince him.


    You really need to be open and clear with him. If you are happy and do not need to get married then do not let social norms pressure you. Two of my good friends were together for 12 years before the married and they only married so they could adopt. They didn’t feel the need to be married, in their eyes the life they were leading together was already a marriage, they did not need anything more than that.

    Definietly talk to him about it. If you really want marriage, if its a deal breaker then he has to know. Otherwise the day you blow up about it and leave he will get a nasty shock and you will have broken his heart. 

    Clear, calm and to the point. Don’t beat around the bush, be plain spoken. Telepathy does not exist. 


    The topic ‘Together since 1999 and still no ring :(’ is closed to new replies.

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