Told grandmom she is cut off!!! VENT!

posted 3 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
60 posts
Worker bee

I hear you loud and clear…my ex’s sister was that person. His mom was gone so his sister tends to take over. A group of my girlfriends, my mom and her were all pitching in to throw the shower. From what I heard long after, she was a bear to work with, tried to take over everything. 

And…of course she had to outdo everyone at the shower…showboating all over the place. Much appreciated yes, but CRAZY amounts of stuff that we didn’t get a chance to use. She even called my cousin out at the shower for buying 1 of a pair of lamps on my registry. Are you kidding me? 

To this day, she’s very flashy and dotes on my daughter (she’s her Godmother). My kid’s and communion dress last year probably cost more than my wedding dress will, but I digress. 

I can’t offer much advice but I can definitely relate. :/ Maybe you can exchange excess clothes she buys for larger sizes. 

Post # 4
Member
976 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Next time you see her, leave out some literature about how to set up a college fund for grandchildren. Just kidding. Maybe.

Post # 6
Member
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@eecuadrado:  Aw, sorry you’re dealing with this. Maybe you should take her out for some tea and have a conversation about how she can meaningfully contribute? And assure her that she will have a loving relationship with her grandchild. She seems to be very insecure about her place in your lives.

Post # 9
Member
60 posts
Worker bee

@eecuadrado:  Oh yes she did…she’s a beast. My daughter just turned 9 and is in the 3rd grade. Funny thing is, she KNOWS her aunt is all about money and not all warm and fuzzy (like mommy!) Kids learn what matters. Chelsea knows we’re not flashy at home and appreciates quality time over crazy gift giving and exorbants amount of money being spent on her. 

Regarding the savings account…I say let her. Honestly, college comes up faster than you can possibly imagine, and the more help you get the better. No joke. I wish there were random accounts set up by family for my daughter! 😉 

Post # 10
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

@KitKatNYC:  were is the “like” bottom great idea indeed!

Post # 12
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@eecuadrado:  You already know about my crazy MIL…the one that every time she sees us says “don’t forget about this grandma!” I feel like saying, “How the eff can we forget? You never go away long enough TO forget.”

It’s overwhelming, and I get it. Honestly, though, you really can’t tell a grown adult no on how they spend their money. Well, you can, but they can choose to listen to you or not. You can suggest to her that while you appreciate the sentiment, it isn’t something you need. However, if you end up getting 20 pieces of clothing or a changing table you didn’t want, just smile, say thank you, and move on.

I have learned this through my therapy, and it works out a lot better (for me) than getting upset because I was one that, when my MIL suggested an effing blue foot stool for the nursery I lost my shit. I was allowing her to control my emotions like that, so I finally just said, “My nursery is complete but thank you.” She never did end up buying the foot stool. For the baby shower I got clothes, toys, and stuff for me actually. It was quite refreshing.

Your MIL and mine sound alike. They have a fear of getting forgotten, and what they don’t realize is that by being overbearing it isn’t that we will forget them, it’s that we will OMIT them because of stress. I am trying to control my emotions at the moment to things she does, and from there, once our little man is born, I will deal with the rest as it comes, but all her stupid comments about being jealous of my mom, those are her feelings, and she’s allowed to have them. She’s only hurting herself by thinking and feeling that way.

Post # 14
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@eecuadrado:  Honestly, I think part of the “buying love” thing is slightly generational. My parents do it a lot with me and my sisters even though the first grandbaby isnt expected until August.

My mom always tells stories about her dad getting her rolos on the way home from work and sharing them with her. It’s one of her favorite memories with her dad and it’s tied to getting a gift. FOr her, gifts were rare growing up and these small gestures meant the world to her. I think she buys thing trying to create these memories with us. However, my parents have a lot more money than her parents did (they were small family farmers) and so the gifts are more extravagent and frequent.

I have learned that they show their love by purchasing things because when they were growing up, getting a new computer or having help buying new tires was something they would have loved recieving.

If items have the tags, most places will let you exchange them for store credit. Do that for clothes that won’t get used before he grows out of them. Unfortunately, you can’t tell someone else how to spend their money, but you can suggest items that will be more helpful. Maybe in the future see if grandma wants to pay for karate lessons. Let her drop him off, pay for it and pick him up. She gets her time with him, gets to pay for something, and you get free baby sitting!

Post # 15
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@eecuadrado:  It’s tough, lol. It truly is, so I feel for you in this instance. Pretty much go along letting your MIL think she’s getting her way. That’s what I am doing, and I am not stressing over it. She thinks she is going to be in the waiting room-nope. She thinks she will get to come into the room immediately after I give birth-nope. She thinks we will be staying with her after I give birth-nope. But, rather than say no and discuss it, I just smile and say, “Ok.” it’s SO hard, but man is it worth it.

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