Post # 1
Bees I’m so excited! I had been worrying about how to talk to/prepare my parents for the idea that SO and I would be getting engaged soonish, likely by Christmas.
My mum and I are close, and have a great relationship, but not a ‘friend’ type one where I dish about my relationship. She’s always given us lots of (figurative) space and doesn’t ask prying questions, or interfere, which i so appreciate except that it made it hard to bring up an engagement, especially since i live overseas. I mean, facetime while she’s fiddling on her ipad trying to figure out which way is up is not an ideal time to say ‘sooooo i might be engaged at christmas!’
anyhow, i’m home now for the summer and we were out doing errands today and got talking about an upcoming wedding and she hinted that she hopes i’ll get married in my hometown if/when i ever do get married. (see how tricky she is? we’ve been together 6.5 years and she still said ‘if/when you ever do’ – she’s so careful not to push!)
anyways, i took a deep breath and said that we’d decided we would get married here, and then we talked about what kind of wedding we’d like, she mentioned that a venue i’d always loved has been offered to us, and that my parents would help significantly, maybe totally with the cost! i told her when we’re thinking of getting married and then braced myself for ‘you should wait until you have jobs lined up’ ‘that seems soon’ etc. and it never came 🙂
she smiled, said that sounded reasonable and then said that my grandmother has offered me her wedding gown if i’d like it, and that i ‘could obviously choose a second dress for dinner and dancing, if you chose to wear it’. it’s a beautiful gown, but i think my grandma was smaller than me! i’m going to try it on this summer – EEK! so exciting!
to be fair, this was just between my mum and i, but she will tell my dad for sure 🙂
so for bees who are nervous to talk to their parents – i hope it goes as well for you! how did you bees tell your parents? did you? or did you just tell them after the fact?
Post # 3
@peonyinlove: DH asked my mom before he proposed to me, so I don’t exactly know what their conversation was like. How exciting for you!
Post # 4
@ceebree: he is going to talk to them before he asks, but because we’re both in grad school and they pay my tuition + rent I felt that it was only fair for them to have a ‘heads up’. i’m so excited that it went so well!
Post # 5
@peonyinlove: Yay! It’s nice for you to know that you have her support.
I have been pretty open about the fact that SO and I would likely be getting engaged soon and married early next year. I think they are supportive of it but I think that they are glad to be expecting it rather than find out when it happens.
Post # 6
awww Im glad she is so supportive. Im def dreading telling my mom and MIL….my mom probably still sees me as this immature, little girl…..and around november, my SO made a joke marriage wise and his mother said something along the lines of waiting. so god knows, but when it happens, im sure ill post about it
Post # 7
@HopefulSim: I think they are supportive of it but I think that they are glad to be expecting it rather than find out when it happens. – exactly 🙂 i didn’t want them to feel blindsided or left out at all – especially since i live overseas.
@nikkidrew90: i hope it goes better than you expect! i think it really helped that i framed it like, ‘we want to get married in 2 years’ rather than, ‘engaged in 6 months’.
i wish you luck!
Post # 8
Oh how exciting! I’m so glad your mom was supportive, and that must be a huge weight off your shoulders to know that your mom doesn’t expect you to finish your schooling first and get completely established in your career before you getmarried, or pay for the entire wedding yourselves. Sorry if that sounds creepy, but I remember reading a couple other of your threads, the cute pug in your pictures is easy to remember for me!
My dad was told we were discussing marriage in the context of implying that when my SO and I break up, I’d be out of luck since we are living together- my SO got pretty heated and told him that’s not going ot happen since we’re going to get married- and my dad seemed too surprised by that revelation to be supportive/ happy and hasn’t really brought it up since, although he does say things like “love you guys” in texts and such, so I’m sure he’s not opposed to the idea. My SO’s parents actually asked him what our plans were after hearing my dad tell me that I should just run off to Vegas to get married, and were reportedly very happy for us when he explained that yes, we were discussing plans to get married. But my SO was engaged once before and did not leave that relationship when he wanted to partially out of fear of letting down his parents, so now they will NEVER ask him about the ifs/whens of getting married without him bringing it up. I’d love to know our families’ thoughts on when we should get married and their expectations surrounding a wedding (small and inexpensive so we can pay for it ourselves? Large so we can invite the entire extended family? Sooner or later?), but I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.
At any rate, congratulations, sounds like you are close and that you don’t need to worry about breaking the news when you officially become engaged!
Post # 9
@MadameX: you’re right – it was a relief for sure. today we drove past a venue that did a huge renovation and my mum mentioned that maybe we could go on a venue tour in september 🙂
now i can focus on being excited and not worry about people’s reactions. i struggle with anxiety a bit so for me, that’s really good.
i’m sure that your parents will come around and be excited when it happens!
Post # 10
@peonyinlove: Fiance asked my parents beforehand, so I didn’t really have to have any sort of talk with them. I know they both cried though! The big softies 😉 Sounds like your talk went like a dream, so congratulations! Your mother sounds so supportive and helpful and sweet.
Post # 11
My SO’s brother blindsided his parents with his proposal to his girlfriend and it was awkward, so we decided we wanted to do the same thing you did. I gave my parents the heads up, and we’ll be giving his the heads up when we visit them this fall.
Congrats! It makes it feel way more real and exciting for whatever reason!
Post # 12
@peonyinlove: Great news that she took it well! Now you’ll have someone to help plan/get excited about it all and make the waiting not seem so bad!
I’m excited and nervous to tell my parents. Not because they’ll be angry, just not sure how to bring it up. I’m sure they already suspect though.
Post # 13
@208bride: aw thanks! she’s pretty great 🙂
@CaroBee: it really does make it feel more real!
@Dogsbody92: i was in the same situation – i hope your talk goes well when you decide to tell them 🙂
Post # 14
@peonyinlove: Congrats 🙂 that’s so exciting!
Post # 15
@peonyinlove: This is awesome that your mom/family has been so supportive!
I can’t wait to see your “I’m engaged gihgofhgog” update 🙂
Post # 16
@badabing88: thank you!
@FEDORAble: i can’t wait either!