(Closed) Too busy, no time for friends (venting). Anyone else feel this way?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4892 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

No, you’re not the only one. I don’t see my friends for months at a time. I work nights, which goofs up my sleep schedule and costs me a lot of daytime hours that would be better used for getting things done, socializing, etc. Recently it seems like I have some kind of appointment every 2 days, always an hour across the city. There’s a lot going on and it can feel overwhelming a lot of the time. The we add on wedding shennanigans. Sigh. I hear ya’. Time for some nice tea and a sofa day. 

Post # 4
Member
1069 posts
Bumble bee

Yes I definitely know how you feel! It feels like I’m constantly busy lately and on one hand, I’m sick of feeling bad for turning down invites because I’m busy with something else, but I’m also at the stage where I kind of want to turn things down just so that I have some me time. I’m just in a busy stage of the year right now.

When I was planning my first wedding, I was also working full time, a part time student, building a house, and selling a house. All while trying to run a household, take care of my dog and fit in time with family and friends. It was a nightmare and when it was all over I ended up so sick I had to take 4 days off work.

I’m also dealing with it on the flip side of the coin too… one friend who I used to see at least once a week has been so busy lately that I haven’t seen her in almost two months. She got a new job and is working crazy hours, has a new boyfriend, started snowboarding every weekend, has been to two out of town weddings since Christmas and we just haven’t had a chance to see each other. I completely understand how busy she is though and I know it’s not a reflection on our friendship, so it’s ok. It does suck though.

It really does seem like your friend genuinely wants to spend some time with you, and probably needs your support with what she’s going through right now. If I was you, I would seriously consider pushing something to the side to make time for this friend. I think that would be super important to make sure that you’re there when she needs you. You never know when you will need the same from her! If you absolutely cannot spare her a few hours, see if there’s something you can do together… even if it’s just getting her to help with wedding planning. However, I really think that both of you would benefit from a few hours off.

Post # 5
Member
925 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I hear ya, hon. I go to grad school full time, work full time, am taking somebody to court, volunteer once a week, and am planning my wedding. I always felt bad about turning friends down; however, most of them understood. I did have some of those friends who would get on my case about turning them down, though (as if I didn’t feel bad enough). Those friends got a stern talking to.

In the end, it will all be worth it and you WILL have time to spend with them soon, I promise!

Post # 6
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee

doublepost

Post # 7
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee

im in this boat. im not in school anymore, i just graduated. Trying to find a job, but i live at home with my family. Im the oldest of 5 so I’ve basically become the second mom. I see my friends one wvery few months. 3 of my bridesmaids live in another state, so I hardly see them. Honestly, I try my best to facebook and or text them once a week. I dedicate an hour to catching up with everyone. 🙂

 

@odelly:  

 just give your one friend some time to talk to you or maybe schedule a Once a month coffe/lunch date on a day you both have 2 hours. I do this too.

Post # 9
Member
4322 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

  @odelly:  If she works retail, she probably gets her schedule 2 weeks at a time. Can she call you when she gets her schedule and plan a day/time asap? 

Post # 10
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

You’re not the only one! I have craft nights with my girlfriends once or twice a month. Usually a weeknight, from 7:30-9:30, we catch up, chat, and work on some projects (wedding projects for me!). Also, my best friend lives 2 hours away, and we used to be able to see each other once a month, but things have gotten so busy, I think it’ll be 4 months until we can hang out again. FaceTime/Skype has been a lifesaver! It’s super easy to have a one-hour chat, and it’s a lot more engaging than talking on the phone.

I haven’t solved the issue of how to manage friends’ expectations, though, I always feel like I’m letting someone down.

Post # 11
Member
7312 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

I can fully relate. I work full time, run our household, meet Teen LK’s busy schedule, pencil in time for my side of the family, pencil in time for his side of the family, pencil in date nights for the two of us, and try to figure out how to see our friends once a month. It’s hard. You have to accept that you cannot please everyone, learn how to say “no,” let go of your own self-imposed gulilt, and find moments of peace and quiet where ever you can (even if that’s while driving in the car or doing a household chore). It also helps to change your outlook on everything. You can choose to look at things as obligations and drains on your time, or you can look at them as opportunities for joy and fulfillment. Changing your own outlook on things makes all the difference in the world.

Post # 12
Member
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

@odelly:  The same exact thing is happening to me! But I actually don’t feel badly about it. I know who my true friends (a pretty small group, but that’s ok) and we just simply don’t need to get together all the time anymore.

However I was complaining that I’m becoming anti-social with FI (which I don’t actually mind so much these days, but still felt like I should complaing), and he’s like, Well that’s what happens as you become an adult, there’s more family/work stuff and less crazy girls nights. I’m 29, my friends are all 30-32. He’s right and I felt better, Maybe you do too?

Post # 13
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@odelly:  Awww! Hon, you are not the only one! I’m on the same roller coaster over here! We got engaged in December with the holidays and birthdays and we are trying to buy a house, it has been non stop. I just squeeze my friends in whenever i can. I make most phone calls to friends during my morning or evening commute. If you get any better ideas on how to slow down and find more time for stuff please share! 🙂

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