Post # 1
So we got engaged last May, right after law school graduation and right before I had to study to take the bar exam. Because of the timing, and because we aren’t getting married until March 2010, we put off having an engagement party.
We thought now that we have set a date and we are actually moving forward with planning instead of passing the bar and getting a job, we might have an engagement party March 21 of this year. The idea was that it is less than a year and that way we could hand out save the dates at the party and share information about or destination wedding. That way, even though the engagement is old news, we still have new info to share.
I guess now I wonder if it is fair to ask people to come to an engagement party at this date. I’m already asking people to travel to Sonoma from Southern California (about 7 hours away). I don’t want to be a difficult bride. Also, as the economy gets worse and worse, I feel more and more guilty about the cost to my guests for a destination wedding.
If we send invitations, will people be excited, or just annoyed?
Post # 3
If your wedding is a year away, I say go for it! I know a few girls I graduated with who got engaged during school, so they held off on the engagement parties. We just had ours last month. Those who could make it did, those who couldn’t, didn’t. We did more of a bar/club night and if you could come great, but no pressure. I don’t think it is unfair, because it is an invitation, people can say no.
As for the destination wedding, if that is what your heart is set on, go for it, but know that not every guest will be able to attend. We are having a destintaion wedding and worried about it being a bother to our guests. Then I thought, I only get married once, and I want it to be meaningful, so we are going ahead with plans. We decided to do off-season to save guests money and we will be setting up room blocks. Our familes are from different states, so either way people would have to travel. We decided to pick a destination people would want to travel to.
I think people will be happy to get the invitation, even if they can’t make it. I always think of it as an honor that someone would want to share their special day with me.
Post # 4
I think that’s a great idea! It’s like a one year pre-anniversary celebration!
You’d be surprised how many people WANT to celebrate with you … we had an engagement party the night we got engaged (my fiance planned it as a suprise to go along with the other big surprise) and people have been asking when we are having an engagement party and I say "we already did!" But they want more parties!
Post # 5
Who is going to throw it for you? I think it is a great idea, but I would hope that you aren’t throwing it yourself. We skipped the engagement party because no one ever brought it up and we felt weird throwing our own.
Post # 6
Thanks for the feedback, ladies. We are not throwing our own. My mom wants to throw it at my sister’s house in LA County. We will have a lot of invitees from San Diego and around San Francisco area. I’m hoping they don’t feel put out, but if no one comes from out of town, it will only be my family and no one really to represent for my FI. Of course, if we moved it to San Diego, it would be all his friends that we see on a regular basis.
Everyone made the trek for my graduation party about a year ago, so I am hoping they won’t mind doing it one more time.
Post # 7
- Wedding: May 2018 - Coyaba Resort, Montego Bay
Do it!! You deserve an engagement party, my friend!
Post # 8
Do it! We didn’t have one because my mom didn’t want anyone to feel like they had to bring a gift, but I sort of wish we would have just thrown one ourselves 🙂
Post # 9
We got engaged in Dec 2008 and are getting married in Nov 2009. I wasn’t planning on an engagement party at all, but my MoH and BM want to throw one for us. Unfortunatley, with current schedules and holidays the earliest we could do is May 9. I did some searching on "ettiquette", and found that as long as the engagement party is more than 6 months before your wedding it’s acceptable.
Maybe you could have your engagement party at someone’s house in Sonoma where your guests are from, than only you and your FH have to travel??
If you’re feeling guilty over a destination wedding, make it easy on your guests to find discount plane tickets and discount hotel/car reservations! We have some people flying in from out of town and so we set up a wedding website with links to Orbitz and Southwest and other airlines that are cheap into Philly. We also linked to discount car reservations. Also, leave more than the required 6 weeks for invites or send Save the Date cards. If they can book their flights 6-8 months in advance, it will save them money – so more will be likely to attend, and you don’t need to feel guilty.
If you have your heart set on a destination wedding- Go for it! You may not get as many guests, but you’ll know the ones who come really wanted to be there!