Post # 1
I am a bridesmaid, albeit a bad one. I love my friend, but I am experiencing much much difficultly and hardship in my personal life right now. Truthfully, the bride has not exactly been supportive of me. She has had wedding tunnel vision, and I cannot blame her because she is having a very large wedding. I do not live near the bride or wedding, all the other bms do. I missed out on the bridal shower because it was short notice, and i couldnt not afford the price of the plane ticket.
Next up, I missed the majority of her bachelorette getaway. I did make some effort and met up with the ladies for a day, but I am a married mother of 2, going through a very difficult struggle… partying until 3am at a nightclub was just not going to happen.
I got the dress, got the shoes, bought the plane tickets, booked the hotel… today I receive an email with the wedding schedule (coming up fast) that says hair will be almost $100!! make up almost $60!! I am already out almost a thousand dollars, and now I have to drop $160 on hair and make up? Her other bms all have money and live very fabulous lives.. i feel so out of place. I am really regretting my decision to be in the bridal party, I would be so much more comfortable as a guest.
Is it too late?
Post # 3
OOo i know what you mean. I can’t afford hair or makeup for the next wedding I’m in because I just dropped a big fat chunk on MY OWN wedding. Ask the bride if you can do your own. So what if you don’t make as much money as everyone else? It shouldn’t hold you back from going. Shoot her an email or call her and say that with the plane tickets, dress, shoes, hotel, you can’t afford hair and makeup and would like to do your own. Are you feeling out of place only b/c of the money?
I dunno, i’m one of those people that when my BM buys a plane ticket, I pay for her dress and whatnot–plane tickets aren’t cheap! Hopefully she will understand–not everybody has thousands of bucks just laying around willy nilly. The fact that you are there should be plenty. Can you do your own hair and makeup? You could hot-roll your hair and have someone pin it up. Or just side part it and put it in a nice low bun. Or side part it and sweep it into a hot-rolled ponytail. Hot rollers are cake =]. Makeup you could sneak off to a Sephora or makeup counter if you can’t do your own.
Post # 4
Ahh. I don’t think you’ve been a bad BM. You’ve done what you could. It’s not your fault your financial or family situation doesn’t allow for you to spend all kinds of money and time running all over. Are these other girls made out of money? Does the bride know you are having a hard time right now? It actually sounds like the bride could be a little more in tune with what you can swing.
I would just talk to her, and tell her you can’t afford the hair etc. Really she shouldn’t be dictating that unless she’s willing to pay for it herself. So either it should be OK, for you to do your own hair, or she should offer to cover your hair expenses. I wouldn’t necessarily just step down. You’ve put a lot of money into it. You wouldn’t want to throw that money out the window. That might also ruin the friendship. (And her self centeredness might change after her wedding.)
Post # 5
I think she is expecting too much. Is she like the other BMs with the fabulous lives? Do you think she would listen to you if you expressed these thoughts? I know us brides can have tunnel vision, but it’s just not cool if she is not thinking about these things!! We also decided to pay for our BM and GM attire since they’re paying to fly here and stay the weekend. Good luck!!!
Post # 6
Thank you for the support, I really appreciate it. I needed to hear that I am not a terrible person for feeling this way lol. Yes, she lives a glamouros life along side these other “fabulous” women. I am a suburban mom who just dropped $500 in plne tickets to come up for the wedding. None of the other girls had to fly, so I am already into this at twice the price of the other girls.
I just feel akward backing out of hair and makeup, because that leaves me as odd man out on wedding day when everyone is getting dolled up… I just wish she would have been more in tune to my situation, and maybe ASKED first if I could afford all this money. Maybe I should have known to expect it. Siiiighhh.. I just would never expect someone to shell out over a thousand dollars to attend my wedding, especially ones who are going through such issues are we are.
Post # 7
Tell her you feel this way – you can’t afford it and you feel like you will be the odd man out and ask her what she suggests you do?
If it was me and a BM came to me saying that I would pay for their hair and make-up because you are flying out for me!!!!
Post # 8
*hugs hugs* Have you talked to her about this yet? I would just let her know what’s going on, seriously. Is there a specific reason she asked you to be a bridesmaid? Is there any way you can reason with her on the hair and makeup issue? Maybe splitting the cost even might help? I personally can’t imagine forcing my BMs to pay for hair and makeup for my wedding … but that’s just me … so maybe she could even pay for it in full? I’m betting it’s not as much money to her as it is to you!
Post # 9
I was in a wedding and all the other BMs had their hair done (stylist came to bride’S parents’ house) but I opted out. I did my hair and met everyone at the house, so I was not hte odd one out at all. I still got dressed with everyone and we all rode to the wedding in the limo together. I don’t know what the cost of hair was but do know the bridesmaids had to pay it. I just prefer to do my own hair. You can do it yourself, just talk to the bride before hand and find out where everyone will be so you don’t get left out.
Post # 10
Do it before, then meet up with everyone at the salon. That is what I’m doing. They are meeting at 930 at the salon and I’m doing hair/makeup at 830 so I’m ready to go. I’ll be taking lots of pics of everyone else.
If you feel weird mentioning money, just say “oh i have sensitive skin/head, it’s better if i do my own” or just say “ah, well, i prefer to do my own!” Nobody really cares as long as it looks nice =]
Post # 11
when is the wedding? how much advanced notice would you be giving the bride if you decided to back out? i had a bunch of GMs back out at the last minute and it wasnt that big a deal. now that we have the pro pics back though, they super regret it. my bms flew in from all over the country so most (i had 9) did not come to my shower or bach party.
im on the fence about the hair and make up. all of my BMs (any myself) flew in for my wedding. we all had to rent cars, rooms, etc. some were married, some were not. one of my BMs flow in with her 3 month old. so, I bet your bride doesnt see the big deal. In this economic climate. i realize times are tough, but she probably just cannot relate to your situation. i hired a make up artist for the bridal party, but only covered half. they were on their own for hair. i didnt help pay for shoes, dresses, hotels, etc. but ive been a BM in all of their weddings and paid the same, so we all knew what to expect.
maybe just have a talk with her. the whole ‘they are living fabulous lives’ thing sounds a little envious, so maybe dont phrase it like that. 1 of my BMs backed out early into the planning process b/c she was still a student and didnt think she would have the time or budget. i found a way to include her in another way. before you decide to come as a guest, explore all of your options with the bride.
hope it all works out!
Post # 12
What happens to people when they are getting married? I’m shocked that the bride isn’t aware of how this might be effecting you – we’re in a recession afterall (regardless of your personal finances). Just chat with her – I’m sure she won’t mind if you do your hair and makeup – and if she does – you may have found your answer.
Post # 13
I hear you about the cost of being a bridesmaid – I just put out quite a bit of cash to be in a friend’s wedding too. I’d say, be up front with her. Tell her that you are honored to be in the wedding, but you would prefer to do your own makeup and hair. If she presses you on the issue that the other girls are doing it, quietly explain that because you don’t live in the area you are also needing to pay for plane tickets, etc to be a part of her special day. If she is a true friend, she will understand. 🙂
Post # 14
I’ve never been a bridesmaid but it I say just talk to her about our issues. Hopefully she won’t be too “bridezilla” about it 🙂 I’m sure she will understand that you are flying there contrary to the other bridesmaids and therefore have bigger expenses.