Too many bridesmaids?

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1362 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

I have uneven numbers, but haven’t been married yet so I can’t answer how it looks in photos.  But I can tell you that it won’t look silly.  I have 5 BMs and FI has 2 groomsmen.  I was reeeally early with my BMs.  I have times where I regret doing it so early.  One year out would have been better.  I think you should be less concerned with being “even” and more concerned about including everyone that is very important to you.  You shouldn’t cut people out just for the sake of “being even on both sides”.  That’s silly, IMO.

EDIT: About your sister – sometimes it’s best to just include people for the sake of not creating drama.  In the long run, will it be worth it to further damage your relationship with your sister?  Is it worth it to infuriate your mother?  Some battles just aren’t worth fighting.  

Post # 4
Member
6030 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

7-8 bridesmaids is way too many, in my opinion.  Especially if you’re not close to all of them. The more people involved, the more opportunities for drama and the more complicated everything else becomes even if it’s completely drama-free. 

Post # 5
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

The more BMs, the more potential drama. Pick your BFFs and be done with it.

Post # 6
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee

@almostwebbee:  OMG i swear it looks like i wrote this freaking post!!

So, with my FI having 4 100% for sure guys, and me having 7 fairly close friends, i figured 4 out of my 7 were 100%’s and if i had to pick 5 or 6, i wouldnt know which ones to choose for those spots. So we decided on 4.

I asked my girls halloween night. the next day i put little posts on FB about each of them standing up by me for the ceremony, and got a very hurt text from one of the 3 that didnt get asked. It has taken reassurance from me every day since that she knows she’ll still be involved, we just decided not to have too many in the wedding party. Shes the one that thinks im closer to her than i think.

I gave the other 2 a heads up after i had this blow up text from the other one to let them know who i chose, but that i want them there for every step of the way. So i suggest before you publicly advertise who is in your wedding, you let the other friends know you still want them around for everything & they are not purposely being left out. Blaming FI for not having many friends makes them feel better too lol

as for your sister, eh i dont have any so i cant really help you there. but i say, if she doesnt want to be in it & you have friends you are closer to, dont feel obligated to have her in your wedding party.

Post # 8
Member
1362 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

@almostwebbee:  That’s what my sister is doing. 🙂

Post # 9
Member
417 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I kept it small with 4 bridesmaids and sometimes I wish I had even less.  I love them all, but the more girls you have the more potential for drama you have.  Plus, if you have everyone in the same dress it’s going to be that much harder to find one to suit all body types.  I have 1 more girl that I wished could have been part of my bridal party but I just didn’t want to go over 4 so I had a talk with her about how I still really wanted her to be a part of my wedding and would really love it if she would do a reading.  She was amazing about it and understood 100%, she was absolutely thrilled to do the reading and be a part of our big day. 

With that said, go with however many bridesmaids you want.  Its YOUR wedding!!

Post # 10
Member
2132 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I think it is totally fine, people do it all the time and make it work.  We are having even sides only because I was the one who wanted to ask more AND I have at least 4X the number of family and friends at the wedding, so i didn’t want it to look completely about me.  Since he has more family than you, why not have extra maids?

 

Post # 11
Member
2882 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Mixed matched sides isn’t bad, but 7 is a lot of people to wrangle.  I have 4 and it’s hard enought to get them all together.  It’s also hard to get everyone in for hair, dress fittings, finding gifts for all of them, ect ect.  Where we are getting our hair done is pushing to get all 5 of us through in time.  If there was 6 of us, there would be no way.

There are other positions from bridesmaids.  I have a reader and two bridal attendents (though one had to drop out as she is now due a little less than a month before the wedding)  Another one of my friends is asking a girl who she would have made a bridesmaid to officiate. 

Post # 13
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

My fiance and I each have 7. Initially we kept worrying that it was “too many” but he really couldn’t imagine cutting anyone from his side so we decided to just roll with it. So far no drama! (knock wood)

We’re even on both sides, so I can’t help with that, but I don’t think it’s weird not to be. It’s just personal preference. I wouldn’t leave out people you really want by your side just for numbers.

I did not leave out any friends that were expecting to be bridesmaids (that I’m aware of). I know what you mean about not wanting to cause problems by leaving out one friend from a group. There is one friend from a group of four of us who I feel less close to. I still think she’s awesome and consider her a good friend, but I would have felt fine just having her as a guest if it wouldn’t have caused an issue. I would have felt really bad asking the other two and having her be left out. Ranking your friends like that is hard!

My advice is to do what will make you happy. Obviously you want your fiance to feel comfortable with it too, so talk to him about it.

I asked mine a few weeks after I got engaged because we were sure of who we wanted.

Good luck!

Post # 14
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@almostwebbee:  We have 6 bridesmaids and 6 groomsmen, and we were in a similar situation with having more girls than guys.  My FI doesn’t have too many close guy friends, so we weren’t sure if we would have uneven numbers.  In the end we would up even, which is nice but not necessary.

I asked them all about a year out, but personally, I wish I would have been able to keep it to 4 BMs and 4 GM.  My MOH was an absolute, as were two of my college friends, but we were all part of a group of 4.  All three of them but me are already married, and we were all in their weddings.  One of them I rarely ever talk to anymore and wouldn’t have missed as a bridesmaid, but I felt like to ask the other two I would also have to ask her.  On top of that, I asked my brother’s girlfriend (because I adore her, and because they’ve been together for years, are living together, and moving toward marriage) and FI was really hopeful that I would ask his female cousin.  So I have six in the end.

Six feels like a lot to me, but 7 or 8 may feel right for you.  Honestly I don’t see a reason you have to ask your sister if she already said she doesn’t want to be in the bridal party.  At 21 she isn’t a child, she was being nasty and she hasn’t come to you to take back her words or say she rethought it and would like to be a bridesmaid.  She already expressed her disinterest, I don’t think you need to include her.

What if you and your FI could cut it down to a MOH and BM only?

Post # 15
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Pavilion at Rocky Neck State Park

In my opinion it is too many! I only had 3 (4 technically but she was unable to make it). If you are having a huge wedding then I can see it, but if it’s on the smaller side (I would say under 175) it might look kinda ridiculous 

Post # 16
Member
1178 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@almostwebbee:  There’s nothing wrong with having an uneven amount of bridesmaids to groomsman. You may end of having jr. groomsman’s?

Here’s why you should really think about it though. I am in the final stages of planning my wedding and even with 5 bridesmaids it’s expensive!!! It’s 5 bridemaids boquets, I can’t even imagine how much 7 – 8 would cost. I’m paying for their hair and make-up, but that’s my choice. I’m aslo getting them all gifts, which most Bride’s do, and that’s expensive. It’s also nice not to have  TOO many opinions about my wedding and their bridesmaids dresses. 

Just think about it. 

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