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I wouldn't go along with "whatever" if it doesn't fit your budget. A lot of brides have the rehearsal a few days before the wedding - I am only because I'm worried I'll end up in migraine land if I do too much the night before the wedding. Go to the parts of the celebration that work for YOU.
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is he part of the bridal party? if so, it would be great to participate in as many of the functions as you are able; however, at least the wedding, and rehearsal/dinner. if he is close to the groom, then perhaps bachelor party and perhaps for the bridal shower, just send a small gift instead of attending.
most rehearsals are about 2 days before the wedding (for example, mine is thursday evening before the saturday wedding). i think the biggest reason is that we didnt want to schedule anything the day before, because it doesn't leave room for anything and we just wanted to take care of small last minute stuff if needed on the last day.
if your husband isn't part of the wedding, then i think wedding would totally be fine, and if you can make it to the rehearsal/dinner, that would be nice too.
i've never heard of a wedding having the rehearsal other than the day before the wedding. i think especially for out of town people to have it any other time besides the day before would be very tough. I agree that it is inconsiderate of them, but it is their wedding so they can do what they want. However, that doesn't mean you have to go to all of those events-it is a wedding DAY not a week.I would go to whatever you can and then be there for the wedding- that is the main event and as long as you are there I think you are in good shape!
If either of you are in the wedding party, then it may cause the bride great stress if you don't attend the rehearsal. It may not even be their choice to hold it several days in advance. Maybe their church was already booked for the day before or something. I think it's fine to skip the other events, provided you let the bride know you wish you could attend but can't because of finances or the time off required.
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I think that if you aren't in the wedding party, you don't need to go to the rehearsal. And I think that if you are in the wedding party, it is not terribly considerate for the bride to schedule the rehearsal so far in advance of the wedding. I would just call and let her know it is a problem, financially and time-wise for you, and is there any other option. We are having our rehearsal the afternoon before, because all of our wedding party is from out of town. They can get here for a Friday afternoon rehearsal by travelling on Thursday, which still makes for at least two days off work and three nights hotel, which is not cheap. As for the other events - I would attend what you can, and extend your regrets for the rest. Certainly don't tell the bride that you just don't care, but its easy to beg lack of time off and cost of travel. Sometimes as the bride its hard to remember that everybody is not as caught up in your moment as you are, but to expect everyone to spend their entire vacation budget and all their time off for the year to attend your events is above and beyond.
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If you or your husband are not in the wedding party, then the only thing you need to go to is the wedding. For the bridal shower you can just send a gift.
Otherwise -- if one of you is in the wedding party then it is customary for members of the wedding party to attend all of the events. This is soemthing that is understood when accepting a place in the wedding party.
To be honest, I've been a bridesmaid 6 times, and every time the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner has been the night before the wedding. Having it earlier seems to be a fairly new thing that some venues are doing because they are already booked the night before the wedding. Mine is going to be the night before.
Good luck!
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My sister-in-law is getting married in a month. My husband and I aren't very traditional and we really don't get very excited about weddings. We no longer live in the town where the wedding is happening. There are many events planned before the wedding itself that we really don't want to go to. The rehearsal and rehearsal dinner is several days before the wedding, which means that if we attend we will have to pay for a hotel for several nights. In addition, we are being pressured to go to showers and bachelor/bachelorette parties. We really don't have a lot of money at the moment and we feel this is a lot to ask. We are happy to attend the wedding itself and pay for a hotel for a couple nights. I don't think that out-of-town guests should be expected to stay so long. It seems inconsiderate to schedule the rehearsal so far in advance. I know my husband doesn't want to do any of this but he hates upsetting his family. Should we just go along with whatever?