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I say this is all in very bad taste. You shouldn't be inviting people if they won't fit into your venue. You should either change your ceremony venue to fit a larger amout of people, or cut your guest list to 65, and have a "B" list for when people decline. I would be incredibly offended if I was asked not to come to the ceremony!
I wouldn't be incredibly offended but I would think it was odd and consider not coming at all. Is there any way you can have the ceremony at your house?
Agree with the other PPs. I would think "So I am good enough to be invited for a present, but not close enough to witness the ceremony"
Maybe this is more common in your circle. Is this the case?
See, I think that it's OK to not go to the ceremony... hell, this happened to me (granted, my two friends eloped, but it was still totally OK). PS- those invites are adorable!
Wow guys/girls....This was not a question of whether or not to invite people to the ceremony or reception or both. This is a question of whether or not to reprint some or all of the invitations.
I have been to and seen posted on here and other blogs plenty of weddings where the ceremony is an intimate gathering for just immediate family and close friends, and the reception is for any and all who want to come. Additionally, i could give a rat's ass if ANYONE brings me a damn present. I want people to come and have a good time, drink my booze, eat my food, and dance to the DJ I have paid for. I never go to the ceremony unless I am in the wedding or it is at the same location as the reception, or if it is a very close friend..... and I know I am not the only one. Also, I have several friends and familiy members who have either eloped or had a destination wedding, then had a reception for anyone who either couldn't make it or wasn't invited to the ceremony portion of things.
I disagree with PPs. I know this was not the exact question, but plenty of people invite close friends/family to the ceremony&reception and then a larger group to the reception only. Thats why there are specific "reception" invitations on all the invitation websites....
Its not gift grabby in the least! Ceremonies are very emotional things, not all couples are comfortable showing those emotions in front of their third cousin twice removed.
@Roe: Thank you! That's what I mean about intimate ceremony
I also was thinking that to ask some of these people (cousins I see once a year and neighbors of my FI's parents and the like, to take most of a whole day out of work to come to our very personal ceremony would be a little selfish.. the wedding, if you look at the hyperlink to our invites, is at 4:20 in the afternoon on a friday
@meganmp1: Thanks! Like I said, i was thinking i might love them even more than our original... although they don't capture our carnival theme the way the originals do!
Also, since this post has turned to discussion on etiquette and not whether or not to reprint invitations, I checked some etiquette sites, and thy say that the ceremony is actually the portion of a wedding celebration that dictates a gift. who knew?
Honestly, yes, some people might have intimate ceremonies and lots of people are doing this a list b list, different invitation thing and blah, blah, blah but it still doesn't make it right.
The question was posed on whether to print her invitations like this. Before she should even print them, she should consider the implications of a guest list that seems to have expanded out of control and doubled in size and could impede the mood of her day and the relationships with people she holds close enough to consider inviting at all.
So no, she didn't ask if it was right or wrong, but if there is another option , she should heavily consider it. A wedding might be very important and yes, in the midst of it, so is the relationship and the symbolism of the day, but you also want to treat your guests like gold. Why would you even bother asking them to celebrate with you if you didn't want to do that?
@LuckyJuls: Exactly, i just want people to celebrate with. At a party. After my wedding.
Also, the reception cards I have seen are not to separate lists but to indicate when the ceremony is held at a different location from the reception and another address needs to be shared (along with accomodations and parking information).
Not commenting on the whole situation part, I think you should reprint them all. With slight changes needed to the map, and considering you like the new one better, why not?
Are these DIY invites?
I would just reprint them all. Good luck.
Honestly I wold never admit that I was just attending the reception, even if I was skipping the ceremony, because I wuld feel bad about it. So I am not sure that's a gat way to get accurate numbers.
I would say, just reprint them.
@bigcitybee: yes they are DIY. I did them on photoshop
@takemyhand: thanks! I think thats a good plan.
Also, to everyone.. just talked to Mama RP and she thinks we'll be fine at the cermony locale, given the day of the week and the time of day, and the trend in our circle of not feeling bad for not attending the ceremony if that's what we choose to do... I think i will reprint the new design that I like better, adjusting the address/time accordingly, and hoping for the best! There is NO WAY we are changing the ceremony location. We originally had 180 people, changed venues entirely, cut to 100 ppl with a "B-list" plan of attack, then decided, "oh f**k it" and invited the other 30 ppl who were really hard to cut out the first time, still leaving out the other 50 who we really were just inviting because "we should".
i am hoping that with the 65 chairs, some standing room in the back, and the double french doors that open fully onto a deck, we should have enough room for whomever decides to come.
@Ms Rocky Point: There shouldn't be a list of people who are only invited to the ceremony unless it is extremely intimate (parents, siblings, grandparents, and that's it). People are giving you etiquette advice because they don't want you to accidentally offend your guests, not because we're trying to be mean.
@AnastasiaM: yeah, that's fine. it is intimate.
whatever. there's etiquette advice with different answers depending on where you look. and we're planning a day based on our own values and our own personalities, not around the wedding industrial complex, outdated rituals and ideals, or what other people think we should do.
I think its hilarious that with all the good news i have shared on WB, DIY projects I've been so proud of, and times i have asked for advice, the post that got the most responses and the most controversy was one in which I asked for people's opinions on one invitation versus another.
I don't think it's really a controversy. I wish you well in your wedding plans and I hope things work out for you. The opinion was solicited and although you might not have expressly asked about the surrounding details of the invitation content and story itself, you shared it, which opened the conversation up to other responses. That's to be expected here.
I think weddingbees as a whole are rather modern and untraditional which is great, but it doesn't mean we're all going to agree on something as different as having a blatant A and B list. If any of your guests talk amongst themselves, I think this drama will go further than getting a strangers opinion on the internet, truthfully. And really that's what I guess we all wanted to help you avoid.
But if it's no big thing, I'm glad you're doing what you want to do and don't care what we think. Good luck in the rest of your planning.
@LuckyJuls: You're sweet :)
I'm just pointing out how super nifty the internet is
@Ms Rocky Point: People like controversy :) I think @LuckyJuls: put it quite well. In the end, not everyone is going to agree with what you are doing for everything, but if you are okay with it, do it! (And don't mention if it will be a cash bar because I saw a recent thread about that which was INSANE!!!! haha!)
As for the DIY... I'M IMPRESSED! I must have missed that the first time, because I thought it was pro. You did a really good job!!
@takemyhand: Well thank you very very much. so much hard work of my very own has gone into all things for the wedding, especially the paper products. i love paper :) I just hope people at the party notice some of the little details that really make the day "us"! We're kind of having a $40000 wedding for $15000 :) due to all the DIY, I mean!
Honestly- I'm doing the exact same thing! My ceremony venue can hold 100 people...and that's really squeezing tight. We're inviting about 190 (though I know for sure around 30 of these won't come...and there are likely others who can't make it)- reception venue can fit like 225. I have been considering the best way to invite people to just the reception. Considering my family alone is around 65...his only adds about 10- it probably will be just a family ceremony, with a few select close friends. But there are still many others that I want to be there with us on our wedding day, because I can't see it any other way, so I'm still inviting them to the reception.
As you like the new design better, and need to fix the map problem, then I'd suggest reprinting them all. I love your second design- it's very fresh and fun and looks extremely professional- you have some awesome design skills!
If you're reprinting...
*booty, not bootie :o) Booties are for baby feet, booty is the anatomical slang for one's bottom :o) Beyonce says so.
But aside from that, I'd definitely reprint for the map correction alone. Maps are important!
I'd say reprint the invites. Great job on them btw! :)
As for the rest, we did an intimate family with a few almost family close friends ceremony and then a much bigger reception. We also didn't do it for the presents, we did it because we wanted an intimate ceremony that included the people that have been the most instrumental in our lives, but then we wanted to just party with all of the rest of our friends as well later!
There were a few people who mentioned that they would have loved to have been there, but overall everyone understood our position on it.
Accepted etiquette is:
It is perfectly OK to invite some people to the reception only, not the ceremony.
It is not OK to do the reverse--invite to the ceremony only but not to the party.
OP is in the clear--and, OP, I do prefer the second invite, and you'll have more control that way.
@sweetcrackers: That's awesome! I was actually wondering about that! seriously :)
If you're not a stickler on traditional etiquette for your invitations, it really doesn't matter what you put on them. I have seen people put things about it being a cash bar, which I think is the world's tackiest thing. Also, I have no idea what some of the PP are talking about here because in my lifetime experience, anyone and their mother show up for the ceremony to witness what actually matters (because there isn't a reception if no one is actually getting married lol right?), but only a select few are invited to the actual reception. But that's only the traditional way...if it doesn't matter, who cares? your wedding is your wedding so what matters in the end is that you are happy, not the bees on here. It looks like you figured out but in my opinion, I think you should reprint and go with the new invite for everyone. I love it!
Just a word of caution, remove or block out your address to avoid wedding crashers! You just never know!!
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Hello again... more invitation drama! hahah not drama, really. Anyway, we printed our invites and altered our guest list a bit. we now have 132 guests to invite. Our cutie patootie chapel only holds 65 seated, maybe 75 with some standing...
See where this is going? Sooo.... our RSVP card already looks like this so that we can get a good idea of how many people we need to accomodate for the ceremony:
However, that doesn't do us any good if more than 75 ppl RSVP that they will be there, so now we are going to print a whole other set of invitations and RSVP cards for some people who woudl only be invited to the party!
Now I think I like this new invite even better than the old one, and the old one has a map on the back that has a mistake on it (kind of, it really was a change of plans, see this post)
Should I use the new invitation for everyone? (with address changes and whatnot for the people invited to the whole thing of course!), at the same time fixing the map problem?