Post # 1
I was recently not invited to a wedding by a friend of my daughters who practically grew up in our house and spent years and years coming over for ALL Holidays, birthdays, held a birthday party of hers at our house, we gave her a car, and she even told us we were going to be invited. Then we didn’t get an invitation. I didn’t seek her out to complain, but we were really hurt by it. SUGGESTION: a very good friend of ours, a business owner with lots of friends, had a lot of guests for his wedding and dinner, and he just couldn’t invite everyone…BUT..after dinner, he had sort of a “open house” and invited all others to come for the dancing and celebration, drinks (no host bar), cake and ice cream. It was fun and we all danced into the night. I think thats a nice alternative if you cant invite everyone. Let them know you cant possibly host everyone, but you’d love for them to share the day and ask them to come for the dancing.
Post # 3
That sucks. I tend to agree with the argument that some people have that it’s rude to invite people to the dance only and make them pay for their drinks because it does come across that they aren’t good enough to witness what is the most important part of the day which is the ceremony. While some people don’t have a problem with that, it is a breach of etiquette and people are rightfully offended by it even if not everyone is, due to how lax society has become over the decades. If the couple wants a huge guest list but can’t afford dinner for everyone, a better idea would be to invite everyone to the ceremony then at the reception, skip dinner, have the reception at a non-meal time so a full meal is not required and serve whatever they can afford, be that just cake and coffee/lemonade or whatever. They could also look into local restaurant catering (Popeye’s and Boston Market even have full service catering). Either way, alot of people do find it rude to pay for their own drinks. The etiquette books (which are totally different from tradition) are written to avoid awkward social situations such as this and they say that the hosts (the couple who is getting married and paying) provides what they can afford for the invited guests and sends out announcements to anyone who isn’t invited.
That said, the bride in the first scenario obviously doesn’t continue to value your friendship as much as you do hers. It’s understandable to be upset, given the fact that she grew up in your home and promised an invite but at some point, you need to accept that she doesn’t respect that relationship anymore and thus move on.
Post # 4
Having an ‘evening do’, to which you invite people who you couldn’t accommodate for number/cost reasons to the main reception, is really common in the UK. There is generally a buffet supper put on for all guests at around 9/10pm so that people invited to the evening part only do get fed. It’s generally for work colleagues/acquaintances, particularly when the reception numbers are quite small.
I found it pretty strange when I first moved here, and I’m not having one for my wedding because I wasn’t really comfortable with it (as it’s unheard of in Australia, where I’m from).
But as it’s a tradition here, I wouldn’t be offended to be invited to the evening portion of a wedding of, say, a coworker — especially if they had fewer than 100 guests to the actual reception. If it were a 200 person reception, I might feel differently!
Post # 5
I think the 2nd party is a good idea. I would have been hurt too. FI and I made a rule: Once we tell/invite/decide on a person on the list, it stands.