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I used to think that, but you also should understand that you did invite them lol. But it can be overwhelming and I do feel for ya! :P happy planing
Yeah, I am getting that too...but I am doing my best to just let go. Our guest list is pretty out of control. We started out at 300, then invited about 350, then, after the invites went out, our list grew to about 375. I am guessing that our list will be about 400 any day now! And our RSVPs are due tomorrow!!!!! Sorry, I just went off on my own little rant here!
Uh if you havn't seen them in 20 years then why did you invite them? You should be honored that so many people want to come! Unless you just invited them for the presents....
Agree with the others. You dont really have room to be annoyed.... you invited them.
Hey, I am kinda in the same boat, I hear you. Yesyes, we invited them. But thing is, I agreed to invite a bunch of my extended family vaguely hoping they wouldn't come. I know, I know. And no, they won't be sending presents when they don't come (different culture, different expectations). And I am sure meeksy didn't invite them for the presents, either.
If they are reunioning, at least they will all hang out together and not demand too much of your attention :) Enjoy, and know you made your parents happy. Also, it's quite the compliment that they find you (and/or your family) important enough to come to your wedding after not seeing you for 20 years.
I think you should have stood your ground when family members were pressuring you to invite them -- because that's exactly what happens when you invite each and every extended family member -- a big, fat family reunion. I hope your family is footing the bill for all those extra people! I'm sorry you have to deal with this, because you're probably worried the day is going to turn into nothing more than a family function, rather than being YOUR day. But, I think it will turn out okay. Try to think of it as that much more people celebrating your new life together. And hey, more presents, right?! haha :)
i know a lot of people invite a bunch of extended family because they dont want to exclude anyone and really there is a percentage of no's that are generally expected.
that being said, we're only inviting people who we know are already coming & that we want there.
They're coming for the same reason that your family insisted on inviting them - it's considered polite.
It IS like a family reunion. Weddings, baptisms and the like tend to be the times that families gather together to celebrate. That's why mom thinks it's rude to not invite your second cousin twice removed, and why your second cousin twice removed thinks it's rude not to attend. These events don't happen all the time.
If you didn't want the "family reunion" vibe, you shoouldn't have invited them. Plain and simple.
I was actually sad when I got a lot of no's. I would have gladly traded places with you and had too many people than have had the people that I thought were coming not come. That being said, the day was perfect and I didn't really notice who wasn't there just like you probably won't notice all the people that are. They will be there to love you so enjoy it.
I think most brides get more NOs than expected, and are sad because of it. If I was in your place, I'd feel lucky and honored!
I think weddings are like family reunions heck that when i get to see all my family at one time. but i agree with the bees you did invite them =/
Whatever OP clearly got pressured into inviting these people by the family, who probably said "oh So-and-So won't come anyway" - give her a break.
I'd be a little annoyed too - if I was paying. If you're not paying then who cares really? Unless you invited over your max capacity for the venue in which case then that really IS your fault.
Well we stood our ground, and have told our parents that we are keeping the wedding small. Mind you in our families, that means keeping it under 150 people. If it were up to our parents, we would be inviting an easy 300 people. Our rule was:
Unless they live out of state, we need to have eaten at least one meal with them in the past year.
I'm so afraid this will happen to me. There are people I HAVE to invite whether I want to or not. It may be my wedding, but its one day verse the rest of my life justifying to family and friends why so and so wasn't invited. I am praying that people don't want to come!
aww, i'd love to trade places with you, meeksy! we got a lot of 'nos'. at least a lot of people want to come and celebrate with you :) but i can understand how it might be frustrating if you have to pay for a lot of people!
Yeah, sorry dear, but you have no room to be annoyed.
Most weddings are a time when people can get caught up, especially when they are out of state. That's probably how my wedding will turn out being. I was only allowed to to invite a certain number of friends (around 30) and the rest is up to my parents. They are the ones hosting it, for that I'm very grateful because my fiance and I are in some money situations (I just graduated from college) so they have first pick of who comes.
Though I did inform my mother that as much as I love our mechanics...they don't need to be there.
I even invited a few people from across the country--they won't be able to come, but who knows, maybe someway they will make it out here. Hang in there, they want to be there because they want to see you and spend time with family, what could be annoying about that?
We didn't invite anyone we would be annoyed with if they RSVP'd yes. IMO, weddings are about bringing families together; joining your family with your fiance's family, and starting your own brand new family.
I get it. I understand your situation. My partner's family is freaking huge (like hundreds of people) and we are inviting only a small portion of them, which still feels like a lot of people to us. We wanted a small wedding, but sometimes you have to bite the bullet and accept the fact that family members sometimes do want to come to these things.
We decided to have a destination wedding because of it. Now, if people want to fly all the way across the country to be there, we are like, "more power to them!"
I totally understand your frustration, but just try to be happy that you are going to have an amazing wedding with lots of people who obviously care about you!
Good luck!
Yep, you can't be annoyed if you invited that many. While you shouldn't have to plan for 100% to attend, you should plan for at least 90% to make sure you have the funds to do so. We are on the complete opposite end! We invited just over 300 and our final count is 130!
@christie.l:Completely agree....you should be lucky that so many people want to celebrate the day with you. Our of 160 invites, I got 45 declines (30%), so I would feel very happy to be in your shoes.
I'm hoping everyone I invited says yes. I can see how you may be annoyed if you were counting on having less people show but try to make due and be happy everyone wants to attend. It's a good thing that everyone wants to share your special day with you!
@meeksy: Clear something up for us. Are you paying? Are these people your parents insisted to be invited? Are you stressed because you won't have enough room in the venue?
I think some of the comments were a little harsh---stand up and don't invite people you don't want, then you shouldn't have invited them, etc. While my FI and I are paying for the wedding along with our parents (contributing the same amounts) I still needed to invite some family I didn't care for them to come but they are my dad's siblings---it would be very rude. I can't invite one of his sister's and not the brother, talk about awkward at Christmas for sure so we just invited them anyway and if they come then they come, if not, then woo hoo! While some gals can take the bull by the horns and say NO F'IN WAY IS SECOND REMOVED COUSIN GLORIA COMING, some just can't. It all depends on the family and sometimes it's hard. For a lot of families the only times they do get to see each other in one spot is births, deaths and marriages.....so they will show-up. Others they see each other all the time! I have family who are bitching because they have to drive 5 1/2 hours to come to my wedding but I have a friend who is scrimping to save up to fly out from Michigan and he's a poor college student to attend our wedding.
OP, try to not stress too much if it won't affect the venue attendance or budget---you will be SO busy that day and probably most of those people, depending on your total head count, you won't get to speak to much because you'll be pulled in every which direction as the newly married couple. ;)
@Curlysue: I TOTALLY agree with you. I think some of the comments are harsh too. FI and I are working on our guest list,and my dad insists that some of his close first cousins be invited because he doesn't want the nasty comments or snarky remarks from them if they're not. Granted, most of them live over 500 miles away (and probably won't come) - but still, Dad insists that we send the invites - and because we know he'll be helping foot the bill, off the invites go. I don't see many of these cousins except during family reunions every other year, and don't want to waste invitations for people who probably won't show up - but hey, I have to do what I have to do. Every family is totally different and because you stand up to them and say your piece doesn't mean they're going to give in and back down. Some battles are best left alone.
@meeksy - don't be alarmed or stressed. Have a WONDERFUL day and let your smile and your happiness exude. You're going to have a great time regardless and just pray that everything works out well! It definitely will. :)
So we invited them b/c it was requests from the parents. I couldn't push back b/c my parents helped pay for the wedding. Nothing I could do about not inviting them!
@Curlysue: @IvyBride11: Oh come on. The comments were not harsh, they were honest.
@meeksy: Well, unfortunately, you're stuck then. My parents are helping pay for my wedding too and my mother went nuts with the guest list. She wanted to invite like 120 people. In the end, I won the argument and we are inviting about 70. I completely understand where you're coming from with all the distant relatives. This is your wedding, not a damn reunion, or a company picnic. Sorry you got stuck in an awkward place. I'm sure you'll enjoy your day regardless!
@zippylef: Yes, some of them were honest but some of them basically had the attitude of suck it up because you invited them and be thankful they are all coming. Saying they were all just honest is like saying, "Well, that's just my opinion," to a snarky, snotty comment.
My rule eventually became: "If they are excited to come to my wedding then they are welcome with open arms!"
@IvyBride11: My mom was the same way! We invited all of her cousins, multiple of whom I don't think I've ever met. But my parent's are paying for most of the wedding and my mom was very close to her cousins growing up and wanted them included. Her thought is that a wedding is a family event and that they are family she wants there.
I spoke my peace about not understanding why people I've never met and wouldn't recognize if they rung my doorbell are invited to my wedding and she blew up at me - there was no way she would budge on that one. Ultimately - not a battle worth fighting and they're the ones paying. And hey - some of them are coming so I guess I'll get to meet them now! 
Ugh I soo know where you're coming from. We can only have 100 people at our venue. Of course, we had to invite several family members out of I guess etiquette or whatever. However I was really hoping a lot (or at least a few) would RSVP no. I sent out 108, and so far only 3 no's! Ahh! Hoping we'll be able to get another 4 RSVP no...I was really hoping to be able to invite more of my friends but our venue was really important to us (as is a small budget lol) so it looks like it'll be mostly family lol. Oh well whattaya do!
I agree with the other girls who were sad about the number of no's I got. We only had 30% attendance.
Yeah, i think i would be sad if the people i wanted to come, couldn't be there. But all the people I want are there plus more. I just really wanted a small wedding. The thing is that I already had a huge battle with my mom about the wedding so i let her have her way with inviting her people. Oh well.
@Mamasita, I agree with you if you live in the same state and can't have one dinner in one year, why should I invite you? Most people say yes because they live in the state and think "hmm free dinner, free cake, see a bunch of ppl I haven'e seen in years, why not"
Ohh and I have never seen people who decline send gifts and I HAVE seen a bunch of ppl show up to a wedding empty handed and bolt after dinner!
@meeksy-
Yeah, I know that situation. I really wanted a small wedding too, and we have about 140-something people on the invite list--I know to some that is small, but not for me! But my fiance and I can't afford to pay for our own wedding, so we have to let some things slide. Good luck, I hope things work out somehow!
@Curlysue: Ditto and well said! What you just explained is exactly where I'm coming from. Everyone isn't going to be able to suck it up and snap back at their parents about "my day this and my day that". Maybe that's just my experience, but because people are helping me out, I agreed to compromise - even though I may not want to do a few things.
@meeksy - just have fun, dear. you never know how the people you've invited will add to your joy. Let the stress roll off and think about the most important thing - marrying your love and your best friend.
Yeah harsh comments not needed. Family member add pressure to invite certain people because they don't want to look bad. Espcially parents. They don't want to seem like they have forgotten someone. Even though they aren't the ones getting married. It will be ok I am sure.
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Is anyone else annoyed that they're getting too many yes RSVP's? I guess i'm a little annoyed b/c 1/2 of these people i haven't seen for over 20 years! Of course, other people in my family wanted me to invite them so i obliged but now i'm just irritated b/c it's like a family freaking reunion.
Sorry, i just have to vent!