Took a leaf out of other bees' books and went anon for this.
Well, the issue is this: FI's uncle and grandfather live really far away and haven't met me yet. So FMIL calls me up the other day, asking me to e-mail my pictures to her so she can e-mail them to her FIL. I thought it was a reasonable request and agreed to at once. So far so good. Then she told me to take 4-5 snaps in jeans and a T, 4-5 in a skirt and 4-5 in a formal gown with hair and accessories to go. (What will his grandfather do with my portfolio?) I found it odd but agreed nonetheless, if only to please FMIL.
Next day FI calls me up (we don't live together) asking for the photos. I told him I couldn't click them so soon and that if he was in a hurry he could make a folder out of my pics that are lying with him already (in every attire). He refused, saying "Those pics aren't good. Send some really good ones so I can impress everyone out there (meaning his grandfather, uncle, aunt and cousins). Send them to me for approval before you send mum"
I spent the next few hours donning various clothes and had a friend do a proper photo shoot (she's a professional) and at night sent the pics to FI, who trashed them and said they weren't good enough. I said no matter how much I try I'll never look like Sharon Stone and we had a fight over this.
He stopped talking to me after that for almost a week when he called me again demanding what the hell happened to the photos. I said since he didn't like the earlier ones, I thought I'd go to the saloon and get a hair cut and facial first. But I was so inundated with work that I simply couldn't find the time for it. He is in the same profession and should understand how crazy it can get at times.
He said "It has been a week since you were asked to send them. Mum called me up and said that it seems you are not serious about the wedding. She's been telling me from the start that you are not right for me and looks like she's right."
I was really hurt and upset over this. I have every intention of marrying FI and was quite serious about sending the photos. Then why would FMIL make a comment like this? And more importantly, since FI knows how much he means to me, why is he making such a huge song and dance over a few photos?
Or am I wrong in the whole scenario? All perspectives welcome.
I would be turned off by this request. If someone wanted to see a picture of my fiance, I would send them one photo, of the two of us together. That whole request is just...strange. The fact that your fi is going along with his moms odd request is beyond me.
Wait, I'm confused. Why would your FMIL want so many pictures of you in different outfits? And why does your FI care so much about what pictures you sent to his family? This isn't a modeling gig you're trying to book.
This whole situations makes no sense. Sounds like they're all a bunch of superficial a**holes to me.
Wow. The request for pictures was odd. The expectation that they be glamour shots is crazy. Your FIs reaction is downright INSANE. If you had ever intention of marrying him, I'd seriously give it some second thought after this ordeal.
OMG. 
The first thing that comes to mind is PLEASE do not marry into this horrible family. I'm speechless. I don't know what to say to help you other than RUN FAST away from these people. Nothing about this situation is normal or healthy.
He just TOLD you his mother has already told him you are NOT the right one for him and he BELIEVES her!!
Please, please save yourself many years of misery and break up with this inconsiderate, selfish, immature, unloving, unkind Mama's boy.
And, to you - (((HUGS))) You do not deserve to be treated this way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@Mishaten: You are not wrong. Your FI and his mother are seriously wrong and very weird about this. I can only begin to imagine what is prompting this behavior -- are they hoping FI's grandfather will pay for the wedding if he approves of your appearance? This is really messed up.
He said "It has been a week since you were asked to send them. Mum called me up and said that it seems you are not serious about the wedding. She's been telling me from the start that you are not right for me and looks like she's right."
You DID send the photos.
FI relaying that his mother thinks you're not right for him -- F*ed up. FI thinking his lack of acceptance of the quality of the photos you sent meaning his mother is right -- f*ed up beyond belief. I'm so sorry you're in this position, but this man does NOT deserve you.
They want you to basically get "glamour shots" right this second so they can approve of you and prove that you are good enough to marry!? That is a rediculous request.
no offense but your FI sounds like a superficial douchebag, and your FMIL sounds crazy. I would not marry into this family (and my future inlaws are kind of crazy themselves, so that says a lot)
Whoa, no, you're not wrong for balking at this drama. Your FI and his fam are being REALLY kooky. You are not their personal barbie doll. Her request was weirdly specific and detailed in the first place, you tried to meet her demands anyway, and then your FI said the photos were "not good enough" ?! Further, you in a week have not completed this bizarre and perhaps impossible task you did not volunteer for, therefore his mom "looks like she's right for saying you are not right for him" ....Your FI seiously said this??? Whatwhatwhat!!!
This is just so crazy on their parts I don't know what to think. I have a really hard time imagining what might be going on here.
I'm sorry, but I fail to see why such specific photos of you are needed. That seems very weird to me. Why are the current ones you have good enough? I get wanting to show your best side, but taking a bunch of brand new photos is a bit extreme. I'd be pissed that
1. My FI said that there are no good current pictures of me, that's pretty rude and hurtful
2. That the new pictures weren't good enough
3. That my seriousness about the wedding hinges on whether or not I send specific pictures to my FMIL
4. That I'm not right for him because I didn't take super nice pictures and send them within a week
So I'm on your side, I think your FILs and your FI are WAY out of line and would take serious issue about his comment about you not being right for him. I don't know you or your FI or your relationship, but for me, it would be a red flat that he said this and a red flag that he sided with his mother and not you.
I'm sorry your FI is being such a dick. I hope you can work it out. Personally though, I would dump his superficial ass.
@pinkshoes: Exactly this. Crazy request and reactions. I'd consider if you really want to move forward with things.
Sounds like FI's family treats women like chattel and he shares in that belief. RUN RUN RUN.
I'm very confused as to why you needed to send you FILs pictures of yourself in the first place.
I would not marry someone who told me that any picture of me wasn't good enough and says that I'm not committed to getting married to him.
Thank you bees, for validating my point of view. Yes, I am serious about marrying him but now I'm having to think twice. I've known him for over a year and at first he was quite normal. But since we got engaged, his mum has started having a LOT of say in our affairs, and things have gone pretty downhill.
@FutureMrsCookie: I'm in the same boat as you. Even I'm confused as to why they need such kind of pics. I asked my FI and he turned the whole thing around on me. Kind of like "Why would you have a problem with a small request my mum made to you?"
umm what?! No, you're not wrong. However, may I ask where you are from/what culture you belong to? What about your fiance? I only ask because something similar happened to a friend of mine recently and while I found it odd (as a Caucasian American), they are both Indian where that is more typical behavior..
What? Sounds like they want to purchase some livestock,for goodness sake! All angles and in different outfits....sounds too bizarro to me. Who do they think they are?
First i think it was a totally unreasonable request. I think your Fi blowing things up, and if this is how he acts over a minor thing what happens to big issues.Maybe it's stress or something but either way you guys need to have serious talk.
ps: I ALSO FIND THEIR BEHAVIOR OF TREATING YOU LIKE A PIECE OF MEAT, AND OBJECTIFIING YOU TO BE GROSS AND DISRESPECTFUL ESP ON YOUR fI PART
Red flags galore! This should have been shut down at the request. "No, that's weird- here's a picture of me with FI." Also why does your FI need to look at the pictures and approve them?? What did he think you were going to send, nudes?
This all sounds very bizarre.
@Mishaten: What the hell???? I'm speechless. What is WRONG with them? He requests pics of you in different outfits, trash the ones you send (way to make you feel good about yourself) and then stop talking to you and threaten to leave? Dafuq???
Seriously, Dafuq is going on here?
@Mishaten: I asked my FI and he turned the whole thing around on me. Kind of like "Why would you have a problem with a small request my mum made to you?"
This is also a bit concerning. As I said before, I don't know you or your FI or the details of your relationship but it really doesn't sound like he respects you. I would watch out for a pattern of him always turning stuff around and putting it on you. He should not be making everything your fault. Doing so isn't a healthy or effective way to communicate. =/
Read your update: turned it around on YOU?! No! Like everybody else had said, this was a completely bizarre request that you did more than necessary to fulfill. He needs to cough up an explanation, a full apology, and one large "back off" to his mother, and fast. Otherwise, you are right in thinking very, very hard about whether you want to marry into this.
To the PP who asked, both of us are Caucasian and nobody in my family has ever sent pictures to their in-laws. Not sure about his.
Wow, this is utterly bizzare. I would really have a long sit down chat with your FI and possibly FMIL and try to figure out what was with such a weird request. If he is considering leaving you over pictures, then he isn't right for you. I'm sorry you are dealing with such a weird situation.
The only thing I can think of is that the FMIL is a modeling agency scout and you're beautiful.
While the latter is probably true, the former's requests are definately out of line from where this has gone. I'm with the previous posters in saying to think really hard if you want to marry into this family, especially since your FI seems to agree with them.
This sounds like the strangest situation. I don't understand why they couldn't just show the relatives a picture of you and your fiance that was already taken. I think you need to have a serious talk with your fiance about what is going on, especially after what he said regarding his mother.
Ummmm are you auditioning to be a member of this family, complete with head shots and a bio? I mean seriously, wtf?
for fucks sake, that is bizarre. and creepy. i'd really consider getting the hell out of this engagement...
... wtf? This is SO weird! First off, I don't understand why your FMIL needs these pictures (especially to the degree of perfection they're asking for). Secondly, how exactly does this show you're not serious about your wedding (especially looking at how much extra time and energy you put in to this). And third, WHY IS YOUR FI TAKING HIS MOTHER'S SIDE ON THIS!?
I think you need to stand up for yourself, big time. Tell them "Excuse me, but I bent over backwards trying to fulfill this extremely weird request of yours and now you're treating me like crap and saying I'm not serious about our marriage!?" If they somehow keep insisting that you are the horrible one in this situation, I would get out of this family ASAP.
I just can't even believe this crazy.
At least I'm not the only one saying WTF. Spoke to mum in the evening and she asked me to take a break and think things through. She lives really far (Glasgow) and I really wish she could be here with me now. But you bees have been super nice to me!
Wow this is very strange. The worst part is that your FI thinks that no photos of you are good enough and that your FI also said this: "She's been telling me from the start that you are not right for me and looks like she's right."
I would seriously think about whether or not you want to marry this person, and it sounds like you are. He can't stand up for you and your relationship over some weird family photo request, what else is he going to do this about in the future? Mom isn't going to go away, and apparently he is going to side with her over you.
In my opinion....If he's considering leaving you over some pictures and what his mother thinks...I would seriously rethink this relationship.
@Mishaten: creeeeeepy. I'm shocked he wouldn't talk to you for a week and then calls and says that. I think you should re-think how you are allowing yourself to be treated by him. He can only do to you, what you allow him to. Also, he sounds like his mother still has a lot of control which doesn't work well in marriages.
I say send the first batch and f'em if they don't like em.
This is so very strange. Is your fiance always insane? Like, are you surprised that he reacted that way? And who just goes and get professional photos in a variety of outfits so their SO's grandfather can see what they look like?
If that is what goes for "normal" in this family, I'd say you're lucky to get out now.
This whole thing is absolutely bizarre. I don't get it at all. I would send them one nice photo and the FMIL can suck it up or pay for a photo shoot.
Okay, I have to agree with everyone else. What the fuck? You said you're Caucasian, but are you (or his family) from a culture that's really strict/superficial/etc.?
You said you've only known him for a year, and you're already engaged? How old are you both? I realize there are ladies here who have been engaged (and even married) much quicker, but...that's a huge red flag to me, combined with everything else you posted.
Full honesty? Your fiance and his mother sound like ass holes. And whack jobs. I can't imagine this is a cultural thing. This is one of the strangest requests I've ever heard.
It's one thing to request such a thing, it's another to make you feel AWFUL for basically not looking good enough in the pictures. Which I'm sure is total crap.
You have to look at how absolutely insane this is and realize that this could be the beginning of many judgements and requests made by your fiance and his family. This is so weird...
Hun your too good for this no one deserves to be treated this way! I was married before to. A man his fam was kooky please listen to your mom and rethink awhile!
This is just bizarre--the FI's family requesting professional pictures, FI throwing them out and making the OP feel bad, the whole thing. I know I personally could not deal with this self-esteem-killing family, and the fact that the FI is feeding into this makes it 1000x worse. Your FI/husband is supposed to protect you from his crazy family, not make you feel bad!
@vorpalette: Yeah, his family is superficial that way (something I never liked) - you can call them nouveau riche if you want. They care a lot about their brands/labels and often pass judgments based on appearances. His mother even makes racist comments at times. But FI never showed this side of him before, so it came as a real shocker to me.
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