Too soon after failed relationship to find love?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4896 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I met my now Dh in the midst of my very ugly divorce from my abusive ex.

We took things very slowly & built a solid friendship before anything sexual happened 8 mos into it.  He knew better than to put pressure on me of any kind.

The ex & I had our first court date in October, if I remember it right.  Dh and I had our first date in early January.  It worked out fine, but only because we didn’t rush into anything.

Post # 4
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I was in the middle of being jerked around by a jerk for almost a year, when I ran into my DH by chance – we have known each other since we were kids but had not seen each other in many years. DH was in the middle of a divorce (living apart, separated a while and filed just waiting on the court date to finalize.) We had our first date the next day which was about 3 days before his final court date and we have never looked back. Been together 4 years, married last June.

I say if you know, you know. Don’t care what anyone else thinks. Different people move on at different speeds! Laughing

Post # 5
Member
805 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

yup! i met FI 2 months after breaking up with a jerk, and we have been inseparable ever since. we actually met online too. i was bored xmas day and signed up for match, i wasnt really looking for love, just wanted to get out of the house and he winked at me and the rest is history. i agree with PP dont let others dictate how you feel. of course be cautious with your heart, if youre ready youre ready. good luck!

Post # 6
Member
1988 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I was in love with my best friend for nearly 7 years. He lives on a different continent though so I always knew a relationship with him would be extremly difficult if not impossible. While trying to come to terms with that I became involved with my ex, which turned out to be a complete disaster – he was abusive, I was unhappy, it was a mess. 

After that relationship ended, something happened that made me realize my best friend and I had no chance of ever becoming a couple – something I guess I knew all along but refused to admit to myself because it hurt too much. It hurt like hell but it was what I needed to finally get over him, the last push. God knows I had been trying to get over him for years! 

Less than 2 months after that, my SO and I went on our first date and I never looked back. I was ready to be happy at last and took the chance with both hands. My best friend is still my best friend and I love him to bits but no longer wish to be in a relationship with him so it’s all good. 

I think it’s wonderful that you connected with this man and I hope he’s all you’ve ever dreamed of. It could very well be it, not just a rebound, but be careful of your heart, ok? Make sure you are all healed and completely over your last boyfriend before you commit to this new man. Take it slow, but by all means, be happy and don’t let other people rain on your parade! But keep in mind that they probably mean well, ok? It will be easier to deal with it with this mindset. 

Enjoy your new happiness! 🙂

Post # 7
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I also think that it depends on how invested you were emotionally in the last relationship. If someone is really, truly in love and it ends it is much harder to get over and move on. In my case, DH and the ex didn’t get along well at all, really never did and basically had lived separately under the same roof for years. My own entanglement was really nothing when it came right down to it. Neither of us had any problems moving on because our hearts were not invested in the others, even a little.

Post # 8
Member
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@NightOwl27:  I met the one in the protracted death throes of another relationship… so y’know… these things happen. 

Post # 9
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I met my husband just under three months after I broke up with my ex and I was still really struggling with the break up. My husband really is perfect for me, made me see exactly how wonderful and amazing a relationship could be, and we were engaged 5 months later (8 months after my previous relationship ended. 

Post # 10
Member
11379 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@NightOwl27:  only you will know if your heart is ready.  everyone is different.  it really depends on how emotionally connected you were to your ex and if you had closure with the breakup.

i was with my ex for 8+ years.  i knew for the last couple of years that it was not a healthy relationship and he was not the one i could see growing old with.  i had been emotionally disconnected for quite some time so i knew i was ready to move on.  there was no heartbreak or tears when we broke up (not from me anyways).

i started dating other guys right away.  nothing seriously; coffee, lunch, dinner.  i was not expecting to meet “the one”.  then, i met him, randomly in a starbucks parking lot.  we had coffee together and the rest is history.  i knew he was the one.  he proposed 3 months later.  we waited a couple of years before getting married.  it’s important to still go through the courting stage and enjoy the engagement period.

op, just enjoy the time that you have together.  if it was meant to be, it will be.  don’t worry about people thinking that this is a rebound (i am sure they thought that about me too).  in time, they will realize how happy you truly are.

Post # 11
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@NightOwl27:  I was with my ex for 9 years and I met my now fiance 2 months after we officially broke it off, we were still living together at the time (was late giving my notice, we had another roommate and my own room but that’s another story).

Emotionally I think I realized our relationship was over months before I got the courage to break it off for good and keep it that way. 

After being with someone that was wrong for me meeting my fiance felt so right and though in my mind I was thinking that things were moving too fast at the same time it felt so good! I figured why second guess myself just because the numbers didn’t look that great on paper. After 6 months of dating we moved in together and we will be married just shy of our 5th anniversary.

If you want perspective on numbers I broke up with my ex when I was 28 (33 now)

Go with your gut, there is no “right” amount of time, only what is right for you.

Post # 13
Member
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

My SO and I were each others rebounds lol. We had met through friends at an event 7 years ago, I would never date him because we lived 2 hours from each other and thought he was a playboy. We have been Fb friends but never really talked, both got engaged. Long story short, he messages me on Facebook after his breakup while he was working in my town. I had left my ex about a month prior. I knew he was different from the first date we went on. 

Everything has worked out with him and I’m head over heels in love, that being said I will give you the cons I’ve experienced from starting a another serious relationship so soon. People are judge mental, even when we got engaged no one asked for a date, figured we would have a long engagement as we’ve only been together a year. My close friends and family adore him and I get along with his family but I felt people didn’t take us serious at first. 

We have also noticed that our big fights have nothing to actually do with our relationship, rather our past. Sometimes I react to comments based on how my ex treated me and our issues. Sometimes I wish I would have given myself more time to heal. BUT I also feel that some things only come to head in a relationship, it’s even if I would have waited 5 years after my ex, I wouldn’t know how that past relationship effected me until I was in a new one if that makes any sense.

i truly believe people come in our lives for a reason, he may be your one or he may be brought into your life to help you move on and find out more about yourself and what’s important in a future marriage. Just follow your heart, have fun and love yourself.

Post # 14
Member
523 posts
Busy bee

My SO was supposed to be a rebound (actually he was also supposed to just be a friends with benefits situation so I guess he really just doesn’t quit until he gets what he wants).

Honestly, I would say that you shouldn’t feel ashamed to show off your new relationship. I had gone through a string of guys before I met my SO (I’m talking like 6 in like 8 months) so yes a lot of people were skeptical as hell when I had “another” boyfriend. The ones who I’ve let stay in my life have realized that this man is not leaving and are fully supportive of us. The ones who couldn’t resist little nasty insinuations were left behind in my past (with zero regret might I add!)

Good for you meeting a great guy!! I wish you all the best of luck!

Post # 15
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

HAHA That’s how I started dating my FI.
I broke up with an ex (in a pretty bad way) and FI-then-just-a-friend was above and beyond there for me – I don’t want to go into details but he stood by me when I needed someone most – and he was just my friend at the time!

We started dating a few months later and tried to hide it from all our friends in college because I’m a total weirdo and thought that would work. Everyone knew anyway (because I am also an idiot hahaha) and once we settled into our relationship, everyone knew it wasn’t a rebound (which I guess was what I was concerned about).

BTW, I didn’t know if he was “the one” right off the bat (don’t know if I’m that type of person haha) but we had a lot of fun and “clicked.” We are very comfortable with each other – always were, probably always will be (that kind of “click”).

Post # 16
Member
865 posts
Busy bee

DH and I met within the first year after both ending 6+ year relationships.  We both were determined to keep things light but here we are, 2 years later and married 🙂  When it’s right it’s right.

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