(Closed) Too soon after the wedding to try to mend friendship with bride?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Too soon to try and sit down with bride?
    It's too soon, wait a while. : (2 votes)
    5 %
    No, it's time to get this out in the open. : (38 votes)
    93 %
    Yes, you should just avoid this conversation at all costs. : (1 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2515 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    you should talk to her now not later. she was a total bitch to you, she let her mother and other BM’s be total bitches to you and i think she owes you a huge apology. if she can’t see how horrible she treated you then it’s time to move on and end the friendship. honestly, i’m not sure i could be friends with someone after going through that, no matter if they apologized.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1497 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Is this a true story? Because if it is, I don’t see why you haven’t killed her yet. Sorry, but she sounds like a go**amn bitch (and I never curse).

    Yes, you need to talk to her, but not to mend this friendship. She does not care about bringing you pain; why would you want to continue to be friends with a person like this? Tell her how much she hurt you. Print out this page and just mail it to her if need be.

    Post # 5
    Member
    71 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    Something very similar happened to me once when I was in a wedding. It really brings out the nastiness in some people (bridezilla, MOBzilla), and the “save-the-day” instinct in others (like me, and you!). It sucks when you’re always coming to the rescue, when really it’s you who needs rescued!

    Your boyfriend is right in pointing out these behaviors to you, but he should have done this sooner, and you should have dropped out of the wedding instead of allowing yourself to be intimidated and trampled on by this “friend.” 

    Brides need to realize that the world didn’t stop because some guy wants to marry them. All of the people involved have their own shit going on. 

    SO, as far as talking to her about it? I don’t think she’s going to see it in the same light as you. I wouldn’t present her with a list of things she did to hurt your feelings. She’s obviously not very empathetic, and it may cost you a friendship, no matter how one-sided it is. 

    In my situation, I lost a lot of respect for the bride once I saw who she really was capable of being, and it sounds like you’ve done the same. 

    IF she’s really your best friend, I would write her a letter, then tear it up, and write a new letter when you’re not so mad. Try to be the good guy, not the victim, if that makes sense.

     

    Good luck, and I hope this works out for you. Sorry you had to go through it, and hopefully your story reminds other bees that they’re not the center of the universe!

    Post # 7
    Member
    734 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    Yikes…

    Yeah, I agree with PPs that you should talk with her. My first reaction would be to never talk to her again because  I would assume that she would have nothing good to say – but that is me. I run from confrontation and it has never done anything good for me.

    I would go into talking to her with no expectations of her apologizing – even though she should. You might just have to console yourself and acknowledge that she treated you like crap. Sometimes you just have to accept apologies that you don’t ever get.

    But it would be good for you to talk to her, regardless of whether or not she apologizes (and it would be great if she did). She should at least know how much she has hurt you and what she did. People need to be held accountable by someone, even if they won’t hold themselves accountable. And you need to get this out of your system.

    Even if she apologizes though, I wouldn’t plan on being friends with her again. You should forgive her, but after all she, her friends, and her mother did to you, I wouldn’t put your trust back in her. I can tell from everything that you said that you are a trusting and kindhearted person and she completely took advantage of that. Whenever you are around these types of people, run away fast. Or else they will take those wonderful qualities that you have away from you. Thankfully, these people are in the minority. =)

    Good luck!

    Post # 8
    Member
    734 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    @everyheart:  You’re so right. I don’t normally meet or hear about many people that I would resort to calling names like that, but this “friend” is one of those people for sure!!

    Post # 9
    Member
    734 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    @ExcitedHooper:  I get not wanting her to think its a pity party. That’s why when you talk to her, you make sure she knows that you’re action-oriented. You aren’t trying to make her feel bad. You’re telling her these things to let her know what she did and why you are drawing your boundaries. And the boundaries are that she will never again do those things to you and you two are no longer friends. You let her know that it isn’t okay to treat someone like that and you’re letting her know so that she doesn’t ruin any more friendships. Its for her own good – if she listens to you.

    Post # 10
    Member
    273 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Oh, wow. I would never, ever dream of treating my BMs the way treated you!

    I think maybe the reason she avoids the topic when you bring it up is that she knows she was a bitch and feels bad for how she treated you? Maybe not… but it’s possible.

    I agree with PPs, this all needs to be talked about eventually.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1497 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @YogaFaerie:  Perfectly put. She does need to be held accountable and she needs to know that she hurt you.

    OP, YogaFaerie is right, your friend took advantage of your kindheartedness. She needs to know what she did, and even if she apologizes (which I sincerely doubt), you should not be friends with her. She is toxic and possibly detrimental to your well-being. I hope that talking this through will bring you some closure.

    Post # 13
    Member
    3697 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @ExcitedHooper:  It should make her feel bad. She was awful to you. I applaud your loyalty, and that you stuck it out to the end, but I wouldn’t have let her walk all over you as she did.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1573 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @everyheart:  +1

    @calibee79:  +1

    @AndcjSaid:  +1

    @YogaFaerie:  +1

     

    This girl sounds like a real piece of work, and not someone I would consider a true friend. A chat definitely needs to be had, but I wouldn’t anticipate her understanding, or even giving a damn really, how you feel. It may be time to reconsider your friendship with this girl.

    Post # 15
    Bee
    1835 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2012 - Oak Tree Manor

    @ExcitedHooper:  You sound like such a sweet friend, and I can’t even imagine what you’ve been through in the last year (or more?) to please your married friend and fulfill all of her crazy expectations. You deserve a response from her – if you bring it up and she avoids the subject, keep digging. You really, really deserve an apology. Even aside from the MOBzilla, the bride herself went way too far. Please, please talk to her and try to get an apology, she subjected you to a lot of pain (and a financial burden too, if you’re still paying off the trip to her bridal shower!). I would also say to her that she needs to come visit you, rather than the other way around, since it sounds like she has more money if she can afford a house, 

    Post # 16
    Member
    9552 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I must first admit that I didn’t make it all the way through the post but I read enough to know she treated you badly but you still want to have a relationship. I say be honest. Don’t focus on specifics, but have examples in mind in case she asks for them. Tell her that the whole process was very hurtful for you. And hopefully she’ll be a little less crazy now that the wedding is over and you two will be able to repair your friendship.

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