Too soon or not soon enough?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

If you’re not ready, you’re NOT ready. Plain and simple. Marriage is a big deal, and if you need more time to make that decision take it. If he’s as serious about you as he says he is, he’ll still be there. 

Post # 3
Member
8701 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

If you’re not ready, you’re not ready. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been together 6 weeks or 20 years. If he’s in it for the long haul, he’ll stick by your side until you are.

Post # 4
Member
281 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Relat: 

 mg1363:  +1

I would have freaked out after 4 months as well. You need to sit down and explain how you feel (that you care about him but need a bit more time to decide on such a huge commitment)

May I ask hou old you & your SO are? Average time from meeting & propsal can depend on age groups

Post # 4
Member
2210 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1987

You are ready when you are ready.

Don’t let anyone pressure you.  Marriage is a serious business.  

Take as long as is necessary.

If he loves you he will wait.

Post # 7
Member
9528 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

If you’re not ready, don’t get engaged. Be sure he knows how you feel. My husband was ready before me and I just asked for some more time ( and that was 4 years into our relationship). But recognize that if he’s waiting a long time it might put a strain on the relationship. I would actively work toward figuring out if you want to marry him.

Post # 9
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

4 months wasn’t too lonf for my husband and I, but we both felt ready. Don’t do anything you don’t want to do. Give him a timeline. 

Post # 10
Member
8701 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I am 27, I got married at 25. My husband and I were together 3 months before I moved in with him (1,200 miles from the only home I’ve ever known) and 5 months later he proposed. We were married a year later. Some people just feel ready at that time, and some people don’t. I wouldn’t freak out, just tell him you want some time to get to know him more. If you love him, remind him of that.

Post # 12
Member
8701 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

If he won’t wait for you, then he’s backing you into a corner. If you’re unwilling to get married now (Which is a valid refusal), and he refuses to wait for you, than the lifespan of the relationship has run its course and it needs to be buried. There needs to be a compromise and if neither of you wish to compromise, don’t stay in the relationship.

Post # 14
Member
4894 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

He’s pressuring you with emotional blackmail.  If you won’t shorten your timeline, it means you don’t love me.  BIG red flag for me.

Controllers & abusers are often in a big rush to nail down a committment & officially “have” you.  Not saying he is either of those, not enough info yet.  But I really dislike the pressure & manipulation.

Post # 15
Member
8701 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Again, neither of you are going to compromise. Marriage is something he wants right now. It isn’t what you want right now. Neither side should have to completely give up on what they want, and so if neither of you will compromise, end the relationship. He can’t talk you into marrying him. You can’t talk him into waiting. What else is left? ETA: I disagree that he is blackmailing you emotionally. He’s pressuring you, yes. But if pressuring a significant other is abuse, then every stable relationship is abusive. My gist is like OP said, he wants what he wants and he doesn’t get that every situation doesn’t bend to his whims and woes. I think he’s pulling a Veruca Salt and he wants it now.

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