Post # 1
I’m not sure if I’m posting in the right board for this but I’m curious. I’d like to say just starting out because some people seem to like to come back with “if you have to ask then you’re not sure which means you’re not ready”. I’d just like to hear other people’s thoughts on the subject.
The backstory is my fiance and I have been together for a about a year and a half and we’ve been engaged about 5 months now. He proposed on our one year anniversary. Our friends and family are extremely supportive, so that’s not the issue. I do however, get annoyed when I talk to other people who ask and they give me a look and ask how old I am and how long we’ve been together. For reference, I’m 22 and my fiance is 24. We’ve both been in long term relationships before and dated around, we actually met a few months after comming out of relationships. He’s a fire fighter/paramedic and is done with school and has been working for some time, I’m still in college as I’m going to become a therapist so it’s going to be a while. We’re looking at a 2 or 2 1/2 year engagement, which I love, because we can browse and look around and take our time with deciding. We’re also saving up for a house instead of an apartment.
So my question is, what is your feelings on situations like this? Granted, I’ve seen 18 year olds get engaged and kind of inwardly sighed but maybe it’s different for me because I was in a 5 1/2 year relationship prior so I understand how things can change. Thoughts?
Post # 3
@Birdiebaby4: I think anyone under 19 is too young to get married. To get engaged is one thing, but if you’re 19 and getting married, I think that’s just far too young.
I say you’re good.
Post # 4
Post # 5
I got engaged at 18 after dating 9 months. Even I was like “what the hell, I wasn’t expecting this!” but when you know, you know. I’m now 25 and still with FI. Not married yet, but now we’re both seriously discussing taking the next step, finally! We got engaged knowing it would be a minimum 3 year engagement.
A good friend of mine got married at 17, 6 months to the day after meeting her DH. Two kids, 3 grandkids and 27 years later, they’re happier than ever. Obviously it doesn’t work for everyone, but it did for them.
Post # 6
Everyone matures differently. I have seen 30+ people who claimed to be ready for marriage but their actions/lifestyles say otherwise. If both you and your FI are at a point where you guys are mentally ready for marriage, I say go for it. I also think it’s great that you guys are having a long term engagement…this way you can take time to get to know each other even better and build a stronger foundation for your marriage.
Post # 7
@Birdiebaby4: I was 21 when I was married. If you know, you know. Sure, the statistics are against us. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try.
Post # 8
Personally, I feel being engaged is because you’re ready to get married. I just don’t see the point of long engagements. If you don’t have any intention of getting married for another 2.5 years, why get engaged already?
Anyway, I don’t feel 22 & 24 is too young as long as you are supporting yourselves and ready for the next step.
Post # 9
From my experience of the people around me (I’m 42), everyone I know that got married before 24-25 are all now divorced. The people who were dating in HS/college but got married after 25 are all still together.
Your brain doesn’t stop developing until age 25. So you can be mature, but still have a brain that is undergoing major changes. If you were my friend, I would say be engaged, limit how much you entwine your lives (ie-separate bank accounts) and get married after age 25.
Post # 10
@JBtimestwo: +1 lol I have friends in their 30s making crazy marriage choices that have fallen apart. It happens to people of all ages
Post # 11
I see nothing wrong with getting engaged at a young age! When you feel ready for that next step then that’s the time to take it 🙂 Unlike many bees I don’t believe that the engagement is just planning a wedding, I think it is the next level of commitment in a relationship before marriage. However I do feel that you should make sure you talk about key issues before getting married, such as finances, dealbreakers, chores, etc.
ETA: Both my female cousins (sisters) got married under 25 and are still married 🙂 The older one, who is now 33, got married the year she turned 21, still married with two beautiful daughters. The younger one, now 26, is still married with a two year old daughter and another baby on the way. I have friends from high school who got married 4 years ago, still married.
Post # 12
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
@KoiKove: Agreed. Everyone I know married under 25 is divorced.
Post # 13
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
You’re the same age as I was when I got engaged, so no. I was ALSO in a 5 year relationship prior to meeting FI and that did teach me a lot.
So no hate here… but I AM in that crowd that is suspcious of anyone asking a question like that.
Post # 14
@Birdiebaby4: I think you’re fine, it’s all about maturity. There are 12 years between SO and I (he’s older) but I am definitely more ready than him. That’s okay.
Post # 15
I think you need to do what’s right for you & your relationship. I don’t think age is the best measure of maturity. I know some people in their 30’s that are way more immature than someone who is 21.
On the day of our wedding, I was 23 and DH was 24. Our engagement was 7 months long. I see nothing wrong with longer engagements though. It gives you more time to plan, less stress, more time to save money, etc. I do hate it when people say your marriage is doomed if you marry under 25.
Post # 16
I was 20 when FH proposed and he was 21 and we’d been together 11 months (but known each other for 4 years) We didn’t get much flack for it here because it’s common for people our age to get married. We never intended to have a long engagement but lots of things happened and we just felt like getting married at those times would have been an unwise decision. We’re waiting on FH to finish school, find another job and be secure in that job before we get married.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with getting engaged young as long as you’re able to support yourselves. Sure, I still depend on my parents for some help, but I’m looking for another job until I get back into school and I plan to continue working. When I start working again there will be no need for my parents to help me (they only pay my car insurance and car payment right now).
You and your FH sound mature enough to me, so I don’t think that because you’re asking you’re not ready (and I usually am in that boat). I think you have a good/logical plan.