Post # 1
So my boyfriend and I met online when I was 17. (We’ve known each other for about 6 months before we started dating). It’s going on to be 2 years in Jan (dating that is), and 2 and a half when I go over to America next summer.
I’ll be 20. 20! And I’m thinking that’s when he will propose too. He will be 22. And I have a feeling people will comment on how young I am, and why I should wait etc…
Thing is, we are both in college. I have NO intention of moving over permanently before I finish my degree (21) and either having done a grad work scheme for 1-2 years or a Master’s. Either way, I will be 22/23 by the time I move over and we get married, and he will be 24/25.
And it’s annoying because my mother and father had arranged marriages. She was 23 when she was married, they had known each other and were engaged for about 6 months before their marriage. My boyfriend and I will have been together for 4-5 years by the time we get married…
We have a plan of action and people will still have the cheek of saying we are ‘too young’. I say let them – it’s my life, and I have every right to live it how I want! If they don’t like it, they can essentially ‘jog on’…
Post # 3
@OrchidsandCandles: You’ll need a thick skin to let some of those comments slide. Sounds like you have the right attitude, it’s your life and you have every right to live it your way!
Post # 4
I think you should just cross that bridge when you get to it! No one has said anything yet so no reason to get yourself worked up yet. and when you do get engaged if someone says your only 20 omg or whatever they say you can tell them we are planning on having a long engagement we wont even be getting married for X amount of years…
Post # 5
@MsPanda: agree, though I don’t think you need to explain your decision to anyone. If anyone tries to pry or be rude, I would smile and say “Thanks for your well wishes!”
Post # 6
I agree with PPs – don’t project those comments too early! Be happily surprised if you don’t get them (not every young bride does) and keep your strong attitude if you DO get them. No one knows everything about someone else and yes, people may make assumptions.
I personally think you’re going about this in all the right ways – you both seem to have your priorities in line, dating for a good amount of time, etc. Most people (generally) will respect that.
We were fairly young when we got engaged, but we got more of the “finally!” comments because we’d been together so long. So you won’t necessarily get negativity!
Post # 7
Thanks for that. I think it’s because I’ve been stalking the threads in this section about how some brides and fiance/es have been told they were ‘too young’ and it REALLY gets on my nerves! I’m also worried about when the time comes and having to tell my parents, I’m so sure they will not be happy about it at all… I don’t know if it’s pessimism or being realistic, a bit of both LOL. But I’m happy to stand my ground, and I guess we will just have to wait and see…
How did other Bees deal with this if they encountered it?
Post # 8
@OrchidsandCandles: I can definitely relate. I’m 20 (FI is 23), I was 19 when he proposed in January, I’ll be 21 when we get married. I Was 17 when we started dating but we knew each other for more than a year before that.
I expected my parents, especially my dad, to be anxious and try to talk me out of it. I expected all my friends and relatives to tell me to wait. We both expected to be defending ourselves constantly. Guess what? Everyone was thrilled. I’ve received truly enthusiastic congrats from almost everyone we know, and often from people I don’t know- a lot of people actually tell us how lucky we are to have found the right person so early in life. Only one person has made any negative comment about age, and it was a coworker that barely knows us. You might be pleasantly surprised, and people might be less concerned about age than you think.
I’ll be honest, the most negativity I’ve heard regarding my age has been from online forums such as this one (but not specifically the Bee, just in general). But you know your relationship better than strangers on the Internet, so just keep up your strong attitude and don’t let it get to you. There are plenty of other young brides here too 🙂
ETA: Oh, and as far as how we dealt with the one negative coworker… I didn’t really say much of anything but Fiance just said thanks for the perspective and left it at that. Online I just don’t let it get to me. Hard sometimes, because I’ve gotten some pretty hurtful comments about it online, but remember they don’t know you, they can only base their opinion on their own experiences, and your experience is different.
Post # 9
@galloway111: Thank you for that. It’s made me feel somewhat better haha…
Thing is, my parents are very traditional (as most people with Indian parents will know). And they think one should finish education, THEN get married, THEN have children, etc. And I’m sure they would be convinced that once I told them I am engaged they will be really upset instead of happy. I don’t know how to deal with them, hopefully an idea will come closer to the time…
Post # 10
Mmmmhmmm. I get it a lot. I’m 19 and engaged, and we will be married when I’m 21. People constantly give me crap for it and say how I’m going to regret it, my life will be miserable, etc etc etc. Lately I just smile and say “statistics mean nothing to the individual.” 🙂
I’ll be graduated within the next year, then getting my PhD. So they can suck it.
Post # 11
Keep the ” Jog on” phrase handy 😉 but just enjoy school and beign in love for right now. People will always have something to say, no matter how perfect and ideal your life plan is !
Post # 12
Of course. Things like visas and whatnot keep me up at night, but there is still some time to PROPERLY think about all that. And I will of course keep the phrase ‘jog on’ very handy 😛
@Mrs. Puffin: You’re starting a PhD straight out of undergrad? Nice! I was considering doing one but here you need a Master’s before they will consider you for one
Post # 13
I feel you. My fiancee will be 20 when we marry in August and I will be almost 22, yet we are getting that we are too young from a lot of people. My dad is definitely ok with it since my Fiance is an extremely hard worker, my mom wishes I would wait a little longer though she had already finished having children by 21. My FIL’s have definitely come around to the idea and we get along very well. So as long as we know we can handle it, and we have the backing of our parents, it’s happening regardless of other’s opinions. He and I are both in college, but my college is paid for which means we don’t need to wait till I am done. 🙂 We will only be dating for 2 years when we get married, so I don’t see why anyone would object to you two after 4-5 years of dating. Good Luck to you guys.
Post # 14
There’s always people who will say you’re “too young”, but you kind of have to just brush it off. It’s your life, not theirs! I’ll be 23 in a few months and i’ve had people tell ME i’m too young to be engaged, too! I mostly hear it from either a. “jealous” aquaintances (or people who just like to rain on everyone’s parade) or b. people with unmarried children my age, because they don’t see their baby getting married anytime soon therefore no one that age should be getting married because it’s too young. Not sure if that makes a lot of sense, but that’s just what i’ve found.
Post # 15
People wil ALWAYS have something to say, about your ring, your dress, your age, EVERYTHING. don’t let it get to you just keep sight of what is really important. This is something I’m struggling with now (I’m 20, getting married in June)
Post # 16
im a pretty young bride (21) and the Fiance is 23, we have been together for almost 6 years and we have not gotten a single comment on how young we are so dont fret just yet you may not need to worry!