Post # 1
I have a connundrum and I’d love to hear what you girls think.
I’m in the phase of planning “who will do what” and we really only have one girl in both of our families that is the “typical” age of a flower girl – and would be an older one at that (9). She is my goddaughter and I would love to ask her to be a Junior Bridesmaid since I think it’s a bigger role to me.
The second youngest girl is 12 years old – and a little older than the “typical” flower girl.
Would it be more awkward to have a flower girl that is older than a junior bridesmaid than it would be worth? I’m not concerned with her ability to show up and conduct herself properly (she’s 9 going on 19)…
A) would it be too weird?
B) do you think the 12 year old is old enough to understand and get hurt by the role which is typically for younger girls? I could try to find another more “grown-up” role for her but then we wouldn’t have a flower girl and the only option for ring-bearer will be almost 3 and probably needs someone to walk down with him.
Post # 2
My daughter had a 9 year old flower girl, a couple of months ago. I don’t think it’s an “older” age; some churches have minimum ages to participate, due to past issues with toddler/pre schoolers in bridal parties.
Back in my day, junior bridesmaids were 12-18. I don’t see how a junior bridesmaid would be a bigger role, like your honor attendant would be.
Post # 3
Consultette: 12 is too old to be a flower girl, so is 9. Is it absolutely essential to have one? You can have someone else walk with the ring bearer who is not a flower girl.
Post # 4
I don’t think that either role is bigger. They both just walk up the aisle. The flower girl sometimes tosses petals, not always.
I think it would be weird to have the 12 year old as a flower girl with a 9 yr old junior bridesmaid. Frankly, I don’t know any 12 year olds who would think that it was appropriate to ask them to be a flower girl.
Post # 5
Consultette: There is no such thing as too young for junior BM and too old for flower girl. The whole point of junior BM is for girls in between the age of a FG and a fully fledged bridesmaid.
I think junior bridesmaid is no less important than flower girl, and it’s fine to have the 12 year old as junior BM. I do agree that it’s weird to have a flower girl older than the junior BM. And while I think 9 isn’t too old for FG, I think the best solution of all would be to have them both as junior BM, and not have a flower girl. Or, have them both in JBM dresses and both toss petals.
Post # 6
PABride: Aquaria: julies1949: Thank you girls… The question of “do you need one” just raised a good point.
Would it be weird to have her play double-duty? I was hoping to have her (as junior bridesmaid) help the big girls with the things like planning the shower, etc. and wanted to involve her specially since we are very close in ways I’m not really with the slightly older cousin. The older cousin probably is mature enough for any other role.
Maybe she could throw petals down the aisle as she goes? If it’s too much I guess petals can always be laid down or just do without.
It’s funny – when we were calling our families with the news we agreed I could call mine first since his family knew it was coming. We told my parents, brother, sister, and goddaughter (but not her mom yet)… THEN his parents hehe. She’s like a little sister to me and I’d really love for her to have a big role in my wedding.
ETA: my bridal party will only be his sisters and mine… I think that’s why having her as a “junior bridesmaid” seems to mean a lot more to me.
Post # 7
My SO’s 8 year old will be a junior groomsman. I’ve only ever seen really young flower girls… younger than 5.
Post # 8
Consultette: I think you can hve her do double duty and jut not drop petals. Ive seen weddings where an adult BM walked down with the ring bearer and they had no FG (he was too small to walk on his own). Just have her in a junior dress and she can carry a bouqet like the other BM…. You can have some petals already on the aisle! Maybe the other cousin can be something different like a junior usherette …. Help escort people and Wear a special dress in the same colour but diff shade then the BM…. And she an help hand out programs as well when people come in?
Post # 9
Their roles could be junior bms but walk in as fgs… I think they would just be excited to be wearing pretty dresses and playing a part in your wedding but I agree w other pps.. would be weird if you had the 12yr old as fg and 9yr old as junior bms. 12yr old might be a little upset or jealous.
Post # 10
Consultette: My daughter is 9 and will be my junior bridesmaid. She has been a flower girl since she was 2 in soooo many weddings so I gave her the option to either be the flower girl or a junior bridesmaid and she picked to be a bridesmaid. She’s a teeny thing so we’re just going to buy the smallest size available for our bridesmaid’s dresses and alter the crap out of it. She was very excited to get to wear the same dress as the bridesmaids too. I haven’t decided who she’ll walk with yet, we may have a junior groomsman but not sure yet.
Post # 11
I don’t know how the girls would feel, I guess it would depend on how much they know about weddings in general.
I was in 3 weddings between the ages of 5-12 (all aunts and uncles). I was a flower girl in the first 2 (ages 5 and 8), and a jr bridesmaid in the last (age 12). I did have a 6 year old sister by the time the last one rolled around, so it made sense to make her the flower girl and me the jr bridesmaid. I will say too that by that point, I more or less expressed that I didn’t think I wanted to do the flower girl thing again, that I wanted a different role (not “more” but just different) but I also sort of knew how things worked by then and I knew I was going to be a part of the wedding, we just weren’t sure at first which part.
I do think it would be weird to have the younger one be a jr bridesmaid and older one be flower girl. I honestly don’t think that you have to have any specific age for any given role, but I do think the girls would be conscious of the different roles and ages.
Could they both be jr bridesmaids? Do you need a flower girl? We didn’t have flower girls or jr bridesmaids but we also didn’t have little ones in the family or anything.
Post # 12
I think both 9 and 12 is too old for a flowergirl. I would make them both jr. bridesmaids. You don’t need to have a flowergirl. I didn’t have any kids in my wedding, and I’m definitely been to weddings with just a flower girl or ring barrer (neither roles or essential in a wedding).
Post # 13
- Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast
I don’t think their is an age limit to either. Just make sure their attire is appropriate for their age. You’ll probably want one of them to walk with the young ring bearer and that is their “job”. I’d probably give that job to whichever one is closer to/knows the ring bearer better. Call them jr bridesmaids or flower girls… it doesn’t matter. They pretty much do the same thing. <br /><br />
Post # 14
aussiemum1248: Thank you, thank you, thank you! I hate hearing over and over on here that anyone over the age of 8 or 10 or 12 or whatever is too old to be a flower girl. When I got engaged, I immediately decided that I wanted the children of some close family friends involved (i’ve known each of them since the day they were born and have always wanted them in the wedding). The oldest girl is 11, the younger girl is 7, and the boy is 4. (Will be 12, 8, and 5 at the time of the wedding).
Then, I started looking on here and seeing all the negativity about older flower girls and really started second-guessing my decision. I’m really glad I didn’t listen to everyone else’s opinion, though, because I officially asked them all last week and they are super excited!
Post # 15
I am also of the “do you need either?” camp, but you should do whatever you feel is right. If that means having your goddaughter do both, so be it! I’m just curious as to how she is supposed to help with planning your shower and other bm duties since she’s only 9?