(Closed) too young for marriage?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: is 19 too young to get married?
    yes : (210 votes)
    82 %
    no : (45 votes)
    18 %
  • Post # 4
    18645 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    The only person who can say you are too young is you.  No one else’s opinion matters.  My husband and I waited to get married until after we graduated college even though we were engaged for 3 years.  I wanted to be completely on our own and have insurance set before getting married.

    Post # 5
    164 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I said yes, because for ME it would have been too young.  I was dating a terrible guy who would have made a horrible husband.  Now I’m almost 25 and am getting married in a few weeks, and every once in a while people still tell me I’m too young.  At the end of the day, forget what everyone else says (myself included) and do what feels best for you.  If you are 100% ready, and (as someone else here wrote) would be proud if your kids turned out like your fiance, then congratulations!

    My suggestion would be to do some premarital counceling.  We did it and it was awesome- we really nailed down our views on finances and budgets, family, sex…all stuff we have talked about, but this really helped us make sure we were on the same page. 


    Post # 5
    8738 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Every situation is different.

    My gut reaction (without knowing you or your Fiance or anything about your situation) would be yes, you are too young.

    BUT, that doesn’t mean that you and your Fiance aren’t mature and ready for marriage.

    I met my Fiance when I was 19, and I have changed SO much between 19 and 27. Thankfully Fiance and I changed and grew together, and are now getting married but I was NOT ready to get married at 19.

    I would say as long as you getting married isn’t going to interfere with your life goals (finishing your degree, starting your career, etc) and that you have a supportive community around you then that is all you really need.

    I can only speak from my own experience and say that I was no where near ready to get married at 19. Plus, I’d be kind of sad if I wasn’t able to have a glass of champagne legally at my wedding!

    Post # 6
    3148 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2010

    my honest opinion? if you are that young AND you’ve only been dating 2 1/2 years, I don’t think you’re ready for it. 

    people change a lot in their 20’s. I was a totally different person when I was 19, 24, 28, 30.  I was in a LTR when I was 19. if I had married him, I’m sure we would be divorced by now. 

    what is the big hurry anyway? 

    Post # 7
    286 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I didn’t vote. It really depends on a whole heck of a lot more than just age.

    Post # 8
    1474 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    @MrsSaltWaterTaffy: Agreed. Only you can know.

    That said, they may or may not be right. If I were you I would think about it seriously for a while. Make sure he really is the one — think about children, money, personalities, careers — everything.

    I have two sets of aunts/uncles who were high school sweethearts and have been married for 20-30 years (and happily, from what I can tell). <3 If you know he’s THE ONE, don’t let others bring you down.

    Post # 9
    1363 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    @travelerkate: Same here. 19 was too young FOR ME. I didn’t even kiss a guy until I was 21!

    Post # 9
    5655 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2011

    My Darling Husband turned 21 right before we got married and he popped the question when he was 19… the only reason our engagement was as long as it was was b/c I decided that I wanted a spring wedding after the spring had already passed and we had to wait till the next year.

    My husband was more prepared for marriage than some who are in their 30’s and has been a wonderful husband and father to my son… Age does NOT equal maturity or willingness to self-evalute and grow.

    Only you and your Fiance can determine if you’re ready and you should both seek out as much resource on Marriage as you can. We used the book Preparing For Marriage in our engagment and have just finished a study called Indestructible Marriage with our small group.

    Ya’ll do ya’lls part in creating that foundation and don’t worry about everyone else.

    Post # 10
    592 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Getting married is a totally personal decision and only you and your finance know if you are ready or if you are rushing into something.

    Everyone can tell you their personal experiences and you can take what you want from them. For me, like others here, I changed a lot in my early 20s. I dated the same guy from 19-26 and always thought we would get married. By the time I was 26 I had learned a lot about myself and realized we had both changed a lot, but not together. I was able to figure out who I was and learn to be an adult on my own before finding someone to spend my life with.

    That’s not to say the same will happen to your and your Fiance. But, realize you are still young and you will change in your 20s and sometimes this can be harder (although still possible) to do in synch with someone else.

    Post # 11
    470 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    My personal opinion is that it’s definitely too young based on my own experiences and the experiences of those around me.  I thought I was really mature at 19, too.  I had a job and paid my own rent and all of that and still, if I’d married the “serious” boyfriend I had at that age, I’d already be divorced by now.  Same goes for every other female friend I had at the time.  I’m not really comforted by the fact that everyone I knew who got married before the age of 24 is already divorced

    Post # 11
    8738 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @janie-janie: Agreed.

    That’s kind of the other question.

    Other than wanting to be with the person you love and pledging your love to them, what is the hurry to get married right now?

    Fiance and I dated 6 1/2 years before we got engaged. We knew we wanted to be together forever after about 3 years, but we were just out of college and really young. So what was the harm in living together first and building our careers and building the strength of our relationship.

    I will be honest, around year 5 I started getting antsy and really wanting a proposal, but up until that point, I really felt “what is the rush?” We don’t want kids for a while yet still and we were already living together and enjoying all the different steps of our relationship in time as our lives together unfolded.

    Also, it usually seems to me if you have to ask the question, then you have some doubts. If you know you and your Fiance are ready for marriage, you don’t really need validation from others.

    Post # 12
    7300 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    My honest opinion? Some people that young can get married and make it. Are they the rule? Nope. They are the exception.

    I almost got married at 19 and I would have been divorced before 25. You grow so so much in you 20’s. The person you are at 19 will not be the same person at 25.

    Sure, some couples can grow together, but I say grow yourself. Find out who you as a person instead of figuring out who you are along with someone else.

    I don’t count years dated if they happened before you were 18. I don’t know why. It’s just I feel you were growing. Are you the same person you were at 16? Even at 16 you aren’t the same person you were at 13!

    It’s going to be the same way for your 20’s.

    Those are just my opinions though. You do what you want. It’s your life. I’m just glad I had older friends and other adults to tell me to stop and think first.

    Post # 13
    1562 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    19 would have been too young for me.  At 19 I was SO SURE I was going to marry the guy i was dating and be with him forever.  We broke up two years and later and then I dated another guy for awhile before I even met my husband.  At 19 I didn’t have any of the tools needed to be part of a successful marriage.  

    Personally yes I think 19 is too young but I’m not going to tell others what to do with their lives.

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