Post # 1
I have just put a downpayment for a venue, and set the wedding date.
The only problem is, is that I am having the hardest time trying to tell my family members who all think I am too young and are not supportive. And I’m having an even harder time trying to convince my grandpa, who seems to think that I need to get my masters degree before I even think about getting married.
The only problem with that idea is that I may not get my masters for another 6 or more years because of the extreme budget cuts to colelges in my area, and I really know in my heart that I am not waiting. Actually, my wedding will be next year.
I just cannot build the courage to say anything. And I live right by him, so it’s not like I can wait until I send out save the dates.
Anyway, I’m trying to come up with a nice way to say that I am adult, who will make decisions that won’t please everyone, but they are my choices. And that I am getting married, and you can support me or not, come to the wedding or not, but it’s going to happen.
How do I say something like that without sounding like a 5 year old trying to convince a parent to buy them that really big toy?
Post # 3
@missmuggins: Oh! Just to let you all, I will be almost 22 when I get married.
Post # 4
Be firm with no explanations. “I’m getting married June 2012” That’s it. Don’t argue or defend yourself, it only makes them feel like they have a chance at convincing you otherwise. If it’s what you want stand tall and if they truly love you and support you they will show.
Post # 5
You cant really change peoples ideas and perceptions, you can only ignore them and go forward with your plans. In my area anyone getting married under 24 is considered young, but that never stopped the 18-23 yr olds from getting married. People will eventually get used to the idea that you are getting married and hopefully stop talkin about the age thing.
Post # 6
@mwitter80: <– What she said.
It doesn’t actually matter if they think you’re old enough. We’ll be really similar in age on our wedding days and while I haven’t had family say anything about it, I can imagine it’s really hurtful. Stand your ground. It’s not a conversation, it’s an exchange of information. We ARE getting married in June as opposed to “Well, we are thinking about getting married in June” or something to that effect come of VERY differently.
Post # 7
I’m sure that your family knows you well enough that you can always bring up your “track” record of making mature decisions. I’m 25 but DH just turned 21 so we got a little bit of that from his family.
He just talked to them about it let them know that this wasn’t a whim decision that was made and that they needed to trust him on it.
I would also suggest pre-marital counseling (as I think EVERYONE should do it). DH and I used the book Preparing for Marriage.
Letting your family understand that this is a well thought desire and that you plan on doing everything you can to make a successful foundation will definitely help. I’d also explain how your FI helps and supports you and how really to make it to all you want to have in your education & career & life you need him!
They should be understanding and see that in the delivery and attitude surrounding the conversation that you can be trusted.
If they haven’t met your FI that may help too hehe
Post # 8
@runsyellowlites:I agree with all of you. I’m just a really non-confrontational person, and so this is really hard on me. But, I’m going to do what I think is best, and just tell them all. I’ve accepted that most of my family won’t come to the wedding, and that’s fine.
Post # 9
Sorry but I’m 19 and I’ll be 20 on my wedding day
Post # 10
Youngin’s will ALWAYS get this flack… and there’s an extremely good reason for it. The reason is statistics sorry, I know you don’t want to hear it but statistics are your chances of making it. Divorce drastically decreases with age on wedding day.
That said, everyone makes their choices, good and bad. This is yours. Say nothing. You send out your invites STD’s without explanation. Period.
Post # 11
Agree with PP. You don’t owe anyone an explaination. If you feel you can make this decision then its yours to make and just march forward. But I agree with vmec, youngins will always get the you’re too young book tossed at them… cause… statistics just arent on your side. All those people who got married young, I’m sure they thought they knew it was the *right* decision too. Not to say theres no chance it will last.. most people I know have been together since high school (though they dated 10 years and marreed at 26-30).
Edit (please dont take offense to any of this – but this was my view): I remeber when a coworker was getting married and his FI was i think 21 or 22 at the time and i definitely thought, OMG she is SO young! She just graduated college and was getting married a month later. I thought she (and anyone getting married right out of college) probably didnt really have enough life experience yet, especially if she was still living at home while going to college. I mean, school is far from real life. I thought, how could someone who hasnt even really “lived real life” be getting married?! 5 or 6 years later the are still happy as can be and have a baby boy now. So I know it can work, but… I will still have the same thoughts when I hear someone getting married young.
Post # 12
I have to slightly disagree with some of the pp b/c I’m not one to just screw off family. Family stands where they do b/c they care about you…. not like other outsiders that just give the “IMO” b/c they feel the need.
I would still make effort to talk to your family before just sending out the Save the Dates.
I’m definitely not one to completely stray from confrontation BUT there is still something to be said to try and keep peace with the ones you love and that care about you. Which I think in this case would be by talking it out with them.
Just sending them the Save the Dates without EVER talking to them could/would definitely be seen as a slap in the face and is liking to REALLY hurt some of them… <— this is more likely to result in someone not coming than them just not agreeing with you.
Like I said in my pp I would try and talk to them… definitley not all together, and not with you FI. Have a heart to heart FIRST and then see where it goes from there.
Post # 13
@runsyellowlites:Thank you so much for your advice. It really helps, and I’m definitely going to talk to them. I know that sending out save the dates without mentioning anything is not the best approach, nor would it go toward my “I’m mature enough to get married” speech. Thank you everyone actually. You gave me some good advice from different points, and that is what I wanted.