Post # 1
Me and my husband just recently got married and we had been having baby fever even before the wedding, and definitely have it now, but I’m not sure if we should just be patient.
The facts: We’ve been together for about 6 years and have lived together before the wedding. I’m 21 turning 22 in October and he’s 25. 26 in February. I just graduated from university and he dropped out about half way through but works for a startup software company and should begin to make good money fairly soon. I got offered a fairly decent paying job.
We were thinking of waiting until the beginning of next year to begin TTC so that I’d be 23 when I would have the baby.
Do you think this is too young? I’m not worried about exploring the world in regards to my individualism or ours as a couple because I’ve been lucky enough to have had an amazing partner for the past 6 years who has done everything with me. Camping, traveling, amusment parks, we’ve done so much together and now when we go to the beach, we just imagine doing so with OUR baby and we get super excited. I’m more afraid to recieve sneers and criticsm for being a young mom.
I just wanted some real world advice from experienced parents or thoughtful bees. Thanks so much! 🙂
Post # 3
@BookwormBride2Be: Hi, dont necessarily think your age makes a difference. I think what’s more important is if you can afford to take care of a child. Will you get mat leave after such a short time in a job? Can you afford childcare? Will you be able to save for the future? Etc. I know that most people are heart over head regarding these things but it’s good to look at practicalities!
Post # 4
In all honesty, I think you should both settle in to your married lives for a bit, even if you’ve been together in the home before marriage, being “married” may feel different.
However, this will also allow you both to settle in to your respective jobs and properly evaluate your income so that you are prepared for a baby. There will never be a “right” time with finances, but if you TTC when you just landed a job, you may find some difficulty with being able to save enough money before you go on maternity leave. You may also find some trouble having a job to go back to after maternity leave if you haven’t worked there long enough.
According to this webpage (http://pregnancy.familyeducation.com/postpartum/maternity-leave/57441.html) it states: “It says that if you have been employed for at least one year by the company you now work for, and work at least 25 hours a week, you can take up to 12 weeks of unpaid, job-protected leave in any 12-month period for the birth of your baby. All 12 weeks of maternity leave can be taken at the same time or they can be broken up over the course of the year before or after the birth of your baby. Under this law, you must be restored to an equivalent position with equal benefits when you return.”
You should look up the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) to see if you’ll be okay working less than a year.
I may be completely wrong about this, but they can fire you for no real reason after 3 months as it is a probationary period of sorts (atleast where I am they can), so if you get pregnant immediately you may find yourself in a bit of a problem area. This 3 month period means they don’t have to give you a reason for being fired and you can’t really complain that you have been discriminated against for any particular reason.
In regards to your concern on being a young mom…
Even at 23 you will be a young mom. However, you won’t be “too” young that people will question it. Those that do, you can question what the heck is wrong with them because it is truly none or their business.
My cousin had a baby by 23 and the only trouble she and her FI recieved was from immature friends who expected them to keep up a “party lifestyle” when they had already matured past it before they planned to have a baby.
Post # 5
- Wedding: June 2014 - EDD Aug '15
@BookwormBride2Be: I don’t think age is an issue. If you feel ready to give your child the attention it deserves, have enough money and are prepared to stop getting drunk and partying, I’d say you’re ready. Not everyone needs to travel the world.
“when we go to the beach, we just imagine doing so with OUR baby and we get super excited”
That was the moment when I realised I was ready to become a mum! I went to Disneyland and just wished I had my own child there with me to see the pure joy on their face!! I even started crying at the image 🙂
(I’m not a mum yet, looking forward to ttc after my wedding. But I am a kindergarten teacher)
Post # 6
for me it isn’t really the age it’s your situation, your maturity and ability to provide. Baby comes first, and I think we all know when our baby fever sets it it is really hard! If you are both 100% on board and completely ready ( travelled, partied, been silly together) then go for it!
Post # 7
Like everyone else is saying – if you and your husband have the mental and emotional maturity to have a child, as well as the financial stability, then you’re fine! I know people that are 17 and great parents, and others that are 40 and have no means to care for a child properly. It depends on a lot of things, so age really isn’t the most important factor!
Post # 8
Yes, I do think that’s too young; however, my biggest concern is that you really need to be in your jobs for longer than a few months before you decide to try for a baby in order to reap the benefits of longevity. What’s your job’s maternity leave policy? What’s the insurance coverage for maternity care? If you want to take FMLA time, you have to be there for a year (but if they have maternity leave, take that instead).
Post # 9
I don’t think your age matters. You both want a baby, you’re happy with where you are in life, done school and working. Go for it. I’m 23 right now, 26 weeks along, and have no regrets. “Too young” is only an issue for people who decided not to grow up until they turned 30.
Post # 10
Imagining yourself at the beach with your baby and being excited is all well and good. Now imagine yourself wide eyed and sleep deprived at 3 in the morning because the baby is screaming and won’t go back to sleep. It’s a HUGE commitment and you have so much time to get settled into married life and into your careers. I don’t think it’s too young, BUT I do think it’s worth taking a little more time to think about ALL aspects of being a parent, not just the fun stuff.
Post # 11
- Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium
Folks may stare, depending on the age you look. I’m pregnant and 26, and I’m pretty sure most folks think I’m about to be a teen mom. It’s a personal decision for you and your husband. If you’re ready to financially and emotionally support a child, go for it.
PPs have covered the employment leave part of it. Take into consideration also that only companies with more than 50 employees qualify for FMLA. Short term disability policies tend to provide 6 weeks off with 60% payment (this varies and requires a year of policy before pregnancy). I work for a tiny firm, and we have no coverage at all. I’ve been here for three years, though, and worked it out with my boss that she’ll pay me my full salary for six weeks, I’ll use 2 weeks saved vacation, and take an addition 4 weeks off unpaid (totalling 12 weeks). So right now (I’m 20 weeks) we have one month of my salary saved and also additional savings for baby stuff (in addition to our oh shit fund, of course). Be sure to work in health insurance for the baby and daycare to your budget. That stuff is expensive!
It’s a lot to think about, but in the end, you know what’s best for you.
Post # 12
I don’t think age matters. As long as you’re both able to provide a loving home for the child, and feel like you’re both emotionally and financially ready, I think that’s all that you need.
I know mum’s that are younger than 23 that are absolutely fantastic mothers.
Post # 13
I’m ten years older than you and just starting to TTC. I think there can be advantages to being a young parent: when your kids are leaving the nest you and your spouse are still young and can travel or whatever, you might have more energy for those 3 am screaming bouts, you’re more fertile and TTC can be easier, your body bounces back after labor more quickly. But for me, when I look back on the last ten years, child-free, I wouldn’t trade that time for anything. Since I was 20 I’ve learned so much and done so much and really become the person I want to be. I feel much more knowledgable about life, relationships, the world, and myself. I feel I will be a much better, more confident parent now than I would’ve been at age 20. I feel I have a lot more to offer a child now, even though I know I still would’ve been a good mom when I was young. I’m just really, really glad I waited until I was older, but that’s just me. To each their own, and if you feel ready for a baby now then that is certainly your choice!
Post # 14
I agree with other posters. It isn’t an age thing, it’s an ability thing. What does your emergency fund look like? How is your health insurance coverage? Do you own property? Have retirement accounts you’re funding? For me, I would never be comfortable TTC until I knew I was in a good place financially.
Post # 15
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
I definitely, definitely think that’s too young. I don’t wannt any kids before 31 though. I want to enjoy my life as long as possible without screaming, pooping, mini-humans grabbing at my boobs.
Post # 16
I agree, age doesn’t make a difference. What’s right for you and your relationship is what’s right!
Of course, you’ll want to ask yourselves the basic questions of whether or not you feel everything you need and want before kids has been experienced and you feel you are finanically and mentally ready.