- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
I don't have any wedding plans in the near future, although it is a topic my boyfriend and I discuss often. He is 21 and I am 18. When I hear of other people get married at this age, I freak out and feel they are too young. But I know I am being hypocritical towards them because I have high hopes of receiving a ring soon. The date April 7, 2012 has popped up into our conversations. It will be our 2 year anniversary of dating and a month before I graduate college.
So, my question to you is...What age is too young to get married, if there even is an age?
My rule of thumb was "I want to be old enough to participate in my own champagne toast". That being said, I don't think it's about age so much as it is life experience. Even though I started dating FI when we were 17/18, we waited until I'd graduated college, gotten a job, and lived on my own (I'll actually be 24 when we marry). In my opinion, you should be independent and self-sufficient before getting married.
Well I guess I would say any age where you still need a parents consent would perhaps be too young. I don't think under 20 is too young. My bf's grandparents who are now 85, and 93, are still married,and his grandmother was 19 at the time. It depends on your religion, culture, and love and devotion for one another. However, if you still need your parents permission, then I think that might be too young, because you should at least be an adult before making a decision like marriage.
under the age of 18 is too young, no exceptions.
after that, i think if you have to ask "am i too young?", you're too young to get married.
i think age is not a huge issue, although i do think 21 plus is appropriate, i wouldnt go any younger than that. i think the length of time you have been dating is also significant... if youve only been dating since april of this year, i would be weary (i know i know alot of people just know, but i like to think that in the 4 years i have spent with my fi, i have learned alot about him that im glad i found out before we are married). college and careers are important too... keep that in mind :)
I think two people need to be at an age in which they can fully support themselves after they get married. I think getting married in a definete step into adult hood and you need to be mature enough to be able to play the game.
HelloRaeven, this is a pretty contentious topic on the Bee.
My personal feeling is that a woman should not get married until she is independent. She should have a good education and her own means of financial support. She should have at least a few years of solid work experience under her belt. I think it's foolish for a woman to go into a marriage without considering the risk that it will fail and having no means to fend for herself. The divorce rates are currently around 50%, and they are even higher for young couples.
I also believe that a woman should not be making a lifetime commitment to someone else before she even knows herself. It takes some time to discover who you are, to learn and grow from life's challenges. Most people are pretty sheltered from adult challenges until they've lived on their own for some time. And then it takes even more time to consider all your options and figure out what you want from life.
Obviously some women will have gained these experiences sooner than others, but generally, I don't think most women are truly read for marriage until about their mid-20's.
I have to say I was freaked out at age 23 about getting married when an ex-boyfriend proposed. I freaked since I just got out of college and wanted to experience life a little. See, I was a very different person at age 18 than now at age 28. I met my now fiance when I was 25, and we are getting married in 49 days, I'll be 28.
You are learning to be an adult and learn about taking care of yourself, what you like, what you dont like. I've had several friends that got married right out of high school and they wish they had taken time to get to know themselves as independent adults for a little while before making such a huge decision such as marrying at a young age.
I've also realized that when I was younger, it was about how hot the guy was, how much money he made, if he spoiled me or whatever. I was immature back then. I feel as a woman now, I focus on the important things, like how he treats me day to day, his personality, if he is responsible and dependable, etc. I waited 10 years to find the right guy, and I am so happy!
But you are an adult now and you can make your own decisions, that's the beauty of being on your own. Just realize this is a decision that you shouldn't take lightly, that you definitely shouldn't treat this as a marriage that can be easily solved with divorce if things go bad. Travel, go to school, do some things on your own. You will be better for it, I promise.
Marry for all the right reasons, with the right intentions and the right attitude. Most of all, it's about you two, your new lives together and your commitment to one another. Good luck to you and if there are people that say you are too young just say you understand their point of view but you personally know you are ready and so is your fiance. It's no one's business to tell you what to do.
First off - you're 18 and have been dating someone for 7 months. Marriage really shouldn't be on your mind yet, IMO.
Personally, I think that you should be able to participate in your own champange toast at your wedding (i.e. be at least 21 when you get married). I also think that you should have spent some time living fully on your own and supporting yourself 100% (i.e. full-time job, paying for rent, tuition (if still in school), food, insurance, bills, etc).
Lastly, if you have to question whether you are too young to get married ..... you are 100% too young to get married.
I do think that 21 and getting married before even getting out of college (when taking the 'usual' steps in life, highschool, 4 yr college, finishing about 21 yrs old) is too young. Some exceptions maybe would be if you have been completely out on your own since like 18 and completely supported your way through school with a full time job. For myself, 21 was definitely too young. I didn't work full time during college and just lived the "normal" college life - full time classes, on campus side job. That's not really what life is truely like, so I felt/feel that if you have never really supported yourself (or could) then you've barely entered "real life" and should not be deciding to commit your life to someone just yet.
I don't think that your age is relevant as much as your maturity levels. I know that I was not ready to get married in my 20s at all. I'll be 32 on my wedding day and I still feel like a kid a lot of times.
@Mrs.KMM: I was basically going to say the exact same thing.
I agree with FutureKMM.
And really, you're 18. Enjoy being young and in love. Don't worry about getting a ring right now, it'll just add stress to the relationship.
Very good advice... I was a little different in that I supported myself through college, had to pay my own rent, work, etc. I guess it does depend on if you learned to be an adult or not. I just feel for these girls that think marriage is like a fairy tale and everything is wonderful and they will be taken care of. Marriage takes work and being immature and naive is just a disaster waiting to happen.
I voted the "other" vote, because in my personal experience I got married at 19yrs old. We had been together for 3yrs at that point. Well long story short we were married a whole 2yrs and he cheated and we got divorced. Once we got into the "real world" , away from high school and parents and met new ppl it wasn't right.
Now, my little sister got married at 23yrs old and they are just happy as can be with a house and a baby. So, IMO it depends on the ppl.
I missed that you've only been dating 7 months. You're already waiting for a ring and planning a wedding? Seriously, sloooooow down. Wait and see where life takes you. If he's truly The One, you'll still be together in four or five years, right?
Generally I feel that if you have to ASK peoples opinion on whether you're too young to get married, then....you're too young to get married. You've only been dating 7 months and you're 18. I would suggest you experience what life has to give before settling down.
Well the Mormons get married and have families really young and it works for them. I remember watching a BYU game last year and they did a quick stat on how many of the players were married (the majority) and how many had kids (a good amount). It's the norm for them and their communities support that lifestyle.
I know for sure I wasn't ready to get engaged or married at your age (although I thought I was at the time), but that's just me. No one around me was getting married at the same age, it would have been waay outside of the norm. And I wasn't supporting myself or even knew what I wanted to do with my life.
It's a decision only you can make for yourself. If you're willing to take the risk then go for it. But be prepared for a lot of "I told you so"'s if it doesn't work out.
I can only speak from personal experience, and so personally I think anything younger than 25 is too young. But everyone is different, and no two relationships are alike. That being said, someone 21-25 may be ready- but personally I think being older is a good thing. I think it is good to experience life on your own; Completely on your own before you settle down, so you can have an idea of who you are and what you want and you will appreciate one another that much more. However, everyone grows up differently, so some may be ready much sooner.
The hardest thing to realize is that there is a major maturity difference between 18 and 21 for most people (talking about one's own age, not the ages of this couple). When I was 18 I was dating a boy I had dated for two years in high school and completely thought I wanted to marry him.
Away I went to college and a lot happened. I grew up and didn't want the same things anymore. Marrying the boy from high school could have happened and I probably would have been happy, for a while. The point is that a lot happens early in your adult life, that I really wouldn't suggest getting married before graduating college, and understanding what it is like to completely support yourself.
There isn't a too old or too young, although it's important to remember that you're entering a lifelong commitment. There's no rush!
I don't think age is as much the issue as length of time you have been together. I got engaged at 23 which yes is young but we have been together for 7 years. We have seen eachother through high school then big life changes into university and now more big life changes as we enter our careers and still are as strong as ever so I know its right. As for being 18 and wanting to be married by your 2nd anniversary. I think that is too young. While my FI have grown together over our life changes many people grow apart. You both have no idea where your life is going yet and you don't want to be tied down by marriage and risk taking life opportunities. My opinion anyways
I would generally say under 20, but I put "Other" because I think it really depends on the individuals and the relationship. I would say under 18 is too young for sure (if you can't even legally make that decision on your own, you're too young), and I honestly haven't met many 18 or 19 year olds who are prepared to make such a huge and life-changing decision, but I'm not going to say it's not possible that two 18-year-olds could get married, make it work, and have a very happy marriage.
I know there are a lot of young bees on the boards, but my personal vote was under 25 is too young. That's just from personal experience knowing how *I* was in relationships when I was under 25, and how sure I was I wanted to marry my boyfriend back then, and how quickly that marriage would have ended in divorce. But hindsight is 20/20! And I've said before - most people will say the age they got married is the "right" age. :)
Thank you all so much! Your comments and suggestions are greatly appreciated!
@HelloRaeven:
My mom and dad got engaged after dating for 10 days and have now been happily married for 20 years. They were 20 and 21.
I got married at 18 after dating for 6 mos and being engaged for another 6. Married life is fabulous.
Do what is best for you- and only YOU TWO know what that is. Chances are, if you marry while you are in college, you may or may not have more student loans than you would have otherwise. But there will be other struggles no matter the time table. If you both feel like you are ready to work through whatever that is, go for it. Make it happen. Best of luck. :)
I've never commented on an age post, but here are my two cents:
I think you need to wait to figure out who you are and what you want in life first. I think this is what causes divorces after early marriages. One or both partners figures this out and it doesn't really fit with the other person. I also think it happens when people wonder if they are missing out on other things in the world. It doesn't happen just because a couple is young.
I totally get wanting to get married whenever you are in a relationship. I always thought about it. I almost tried to force it, but luckily we didn't and my boyfriend of 5 years and I broke up. I am so glad that I waited because my husband and I both know exactly what we want from our partners and form life (more or less). For me, every relationship on the way taught me one aspect of what I needed...and eventually I found it.
Moderndaisy mentioned how Mormons often get married young and it works. I have a lot of Mormon friends and I believe that the situation is somewhat different when really strong religion is involved. Nearly all of my Mormon friends married young and are still happily married. But only one of my college friends married young and it didn't work out. Most of the girls in my sorority got married between 28 and 30. It's scary to wait and not to know, but it's also important to make an informed decision rather than just doing what is "next" in a relationship.
Good luck with yours!
There are honestly so many factors that play into it, but all that matters is how you two feel. In some locales, it is completely normal to get married around 18-20 years old.
Some of the more important things you should think about are: whether or not your family/friends will be supportive of these decisions, if you'll have careers/job stability and means to afford and maintain your own place of living, how the wedding will be paid for, etc.
I would suggest that you guys wait to start any wedding planning until after you are out of school and stable in your careers (because late school/early career life can be insane). It will give you more time to save up wedding money and get your work/school routines coordinated 
.
I'd say 21. I figure if ya can't drink at your own wedding, then that's not much fun to begin with. lol Plus, there are a lot experiences waiting to happen once you start drinking ... so live those before ya decide anything. hehehe
Seriously, If the love feels right ... then you should do it. I waited until my late 20's because I've always said I would; but I've been with him for 8 yrs, so technically its marriage. That began at 20.
I don't think someone can be "too young" to get married.
I do think someone can be "too immature" to get married, but I know people who are 18 and aren't to immature, and I know people who are 45 and are still too immature.
I think we let physical age define us way too much.
@daydreamwanderer: I agree, age can be just a number.
However, I think there are a few points that should be accomplished first before getting married. Finishing college, getting a full time job, learning to be out on your own for a while (aka no parent support) are all really important parts of "growing up". Some people experience all this by the time they are 21. However, I would say MAJORITY of the US population doesn't mature and accomplish all this before they are 21.
Length of time dating is also REALLY important at a young age. I would say if you are under 21, you should date for at least 2 years before getting engaged. IF YOU GUYS ARE GOOD TOGETHER AND MEANT TO BE TOGETHER YOU CAN WAIT. Anything less than a year and a half is still in that "honeymoon" phase. I don't think you would have experienced enough as a couple by that point. However, that is still just a number. My husband supported me when I battled cancer and we had only been together less than a year. After that first year we went through more as a couple than several of our married friends.
I dated someone when I was 18 and thought he was the "one". We took a break by the time I was 20 and decided if it was meant to be we would stay friends and talk about getting back together. Obviously we went our own ways and grew up on our own.
@symphony: Thank you for the positive feedback!
To everyone else: I never actually said I was getting married anytime soon. Not once have i said I would be getting married at the age of 18.
Also, is it not "grownups" that teach younger people to be less judgmental? You do not know me, or my boyfriend. Nor do you know what we have both been through in life.
Of all the things I could have been put on this earth to do, I believe God put me here to to bring him out of his depression of 10 years. In those 10 years he lost every single person who cared about him, his mother, sister, grandfather, and grandmother...to top it off he never knew his father. He was left with a family who was cruel and could care less. He thought he could never love anyone all these years, no one could make his pain go away. Then, in January of this year, he met me. No, it was not love at first sight. It took three months for him to actually admit to himself that he could love someone. My life hasn't been as heart wrenching as his. Briefly, I had an absent drunk father who my mother finally divorced last year. One other serious boyfriend whom I dated for a year, only to find out by the time we broke up, he had gotten another girl pregnant 5 months earlier. Over the next year and a half, I would causally date guys, be played by guys, be led on by guys. Until April (yes, ONLY 7 months ago) I believed he too would be just another dead end.
I did not say all of this for a sob story, I do not want that one bit. But for people to understand that not every teenager parties, dates their whole town, or is not ready to settle down. He is my best friend, and one day I will marry him. Will it be when I am 20 and he is 23? I don't know. But we both know that one day it is something that will happen.
If you can't pay the bills, don't get married. Sometimes circumstances happen and you have no choice but to live with other people...but who really wants to start a marriage in a house full of people honing in on the beginning of such a big life step?
Just my personal opinion.
I chose anyone under 25. It's not even about maturity levels, you can be the most mature 20 year old in the world and you still wont have the life experience necessary for marriage that you would have (generally) by the time you're 25. Those few years are extremely important to learn about yourself "in the wild".
I picked under 25, not really for age but for life experiences and maturity. There probably are some people between 21-25 that are mature enough to get married (and I think that under 21 is too young period), but there's so much individual growth that happens during that time, and I think it's important to do that before settling with someone else. But when it comes to marriage, there are no hard and fast rules and what works for some people doesn't work for others. YOU just need to be sure.
@HelloRaeven: Hi :) You don't want to be a crutch in someone elses life. You are going to make the decision you want to anyway, but it is impossible to explain without seeming condescending. You don't have to believe us, but you do need to realize that most of us have been there. I know so much less now than I knew I knew at 18, or 20, or even 22.
As someone whose mother got married at 17 and is still happily married almost 35 years later... I really believe that someone can get married young (very young) and still make it work and be very happy. But it comes at a price and you need to realize that and be okay with it. She has never lived alone. She has never not lived with her mom or my father. She's never casually dated. She never got a college degree. She never had a real career (hard to get when you have 2 kids at home and no parental help to get an education). She spent half her life raising kids and when we left she was really lost. In a lot of ways I feel like her "empty nest" years are that much harder on her because she never formed an identity beyond "x's wife" and "y and z's mother". She is happy in her marriage but she has a hard time with figuring out her place now that we're out of the house. I think these problems are really common in people who get married young and don't "find themselves" before they get married. I also think this is why you see a lot of people divorce in their 40s after 20 years of marriage and THEN say they are happier than ever with their second spouses.
So anyways... I don't think there is a wrong age to get married, but I do think there are problems that come with getting married young and you should probably have a strategy for dealing with them if that is what you want to do.
Everyone is different.
I do hear from a lot of young people who want to get married that they are ready for marriage, mature enough etc. because they don't drink, party, sleep around, etc. And I just want to scream "that has nothing to do with it!" There is a lot more to "growing up" than that :)
I think there are a lot of factors to take into consideration. I had a neighbor growing up who had been married for 50+ years, and I asked her one time how long people should be together before they tie the knot, in her opinion. She said that you need to spend all four seasons with someone to see how they change as the world changes, which might sound cheesy, but I think is ultimately very true. I think this is just as important as age.
It's not up to me to decide for anyone else, but I personally feel as though I am ready at 23 because we are both college graduates with secure jobs (I'm a high school teacher and he is a manager of a retail store), we have been together for a couple of years and have been through both good and bad times, and he is absolutely my best friend. Both he and I are "old souls" who act a lot older than we are, so I think one's maturity level matters even more than numerical age. Some people might disagree because of the fact that we are young, but I have never been more sure of any other decision I have ever made. :)
I'm with the "drink champagne at the wedding crowd"....
However, like other PPs, age is a number that doesn't always define where we are in life. I think you should have an education, able to support yourself and have experienced the "real world" a little bit.
There is so much personal growth that occurs in your early late teens and early 20s, I just don't think GENERALLY-speaking it's the best time to get married. There are always exceptions and again, it's just a generalization.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| MissBoPeep | 94 |
| ndreighton | 80 |
| hisgoosiegirl | 56 |
| beargoose | 55 |
| Mrs.KMM | 46 |
| akp0702 | 42 |
| BetterSherm | 42 |
| MrsBlueSeptember | 41 |
| MrsPom | 37 |
| Beckster329 | 37 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| candykiss | 2 |
| JessM10 | 1 |
| TheLionQueen | 1 |
| Mrs.Lonestar | 1 |
| les105 | 1 |
| missbumblebee | 1 |
 kkish3 |
1 |
| Christiana2013 | 1 |
| ECJ4ever | 1 |
| Elizabethorsi |
1 |
