Post # 1
This is sorta a post to vent, but if you have any advice, I am so open to hearing it! So FI and I discussed marriage before getting engaged, but never really what our wedding would be like. He knew I wanted to do a beach wedding and not have a big traditional wedding.
However, now that we’re discussing details I learn that he wants to do a dinner and dancing sort of thing for the reception. I personally dont want to spend a ton of money on one day of our lives so I was just trying to do a beach elopement. BUT, I didnt realize you werent supposed to tell people about your elopement, you were just supposed to do it. Oops. FI’s family would be so hurt if they werent there and they’ve expressed this to me about a thousand times since I let it slip that I wanted to elope.
So now I just dont know what to do. FI’s family would travel for a domestic destination wedding, but mine wont. I know this might sound terrible, but I dont really want to spend my wedding day surrounded by his family and without any of mine there. It just doesnt seem fair to me. Elopement is basically out of the question now. So, it seems like I’m going to be defaulted to doing the traditional wedding near our hometown, which is something I never even imagined.
I dont want to stress and plan and deal with inviting people I dont want to be there. I dont want to spend a ton of money. I just want to marry FI. What do I do? I feel like I have to make everyone else happy and deal with having the traditional wedding. Ugh.
Post # 2
FutureMrsHodgy: Why not just have a small intimate wedding and only invite close family/ whoever you want to be there? My SO’s sister recently got married and only invited 30 people. It was at the beach and really lovely. It was sort of like a destination wedding but only about 1.5 drive. Would your family be open to that?
Post # 3
citysparkle: See that’s a great idea in theory. But FI has a huge family. FMIL has 4 siblings all with children and such, FFIL has 5 siblings with children. It would be impossible to do an intimate wedding. Plus I still dont think the most important of my family would go. I really want my grandparents on my mother’s side to be there and they cant travel very far and they already live 5 hours away from where FI and I live. I’m so stuck.
Post # 4
citysparkle: FutureMrsHodgy: I’m doing the small, intimate wedding thing. And even if you can’t do a full on destination wedding do you have a beach nearby? Are you close to the coast or have a beautiful lake around?
Post # 5
FutureMrsHodgy: You wouldn’t have to invite FFIL and FMIL’s siblings. We’re only inviting immediate family and grandparents. So that’s My mom and dad, my Dad’s new wife, my sister and her husband and 2 kids, and my 4 grandparents. His side is his mother, his dad and new wife, his brother and live-in GF, and one grandparent.
Post # 6
playdohpants: That’s what I thought too. But since it slipped that we were considering eloping his aunts and uncles have expressed how disappointed and disrespected they would feel if they werent invited. I dont want to burn any bridges in my new family. I understand why they want to come because they’re all very close, but it puts me in a hard situation.
Post # 7
how about a beach/lake wedding ceremony let the family come if they want then do an intimate dinner out with close family you could reserve a party room so your fiance can still have his mini recpetion you could do a firswt dance a cake cutting etc. …… and if extended family insist on being part of dinner as well you would have room for them but, they are to take care of their own food choice cost…. then do a destination honeymoon of choice…
Post # 8
FutureMrsHodgy: Aunts and Uncles will get over it. Sure, they’ll be disappointed but in the same breath, he’s not their child, he’s their nephew. If you want it small, you are going to have to make some tough and perhaps unpopular decisions.
You can do it! Have the wedding you both want!
Post # 9
- Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast
Can you elope on the beach like you wanted and then throw a big picnic/party style “reception” back home shortly afterwards?
Post # 10
FutureMrsHodgy: The one thing you cannot do is have a ceremony then not invite all of those guests to whatever meal or refreshment you serve afterward. An intimate dinner with immediate family is fine, but not after a ceremony to which you invited other people. In Canada and the USA,it would be the height of rudeness to not invite all the ceremony guests to dinner.
You could have an intimate family dinner (6pm) then an evening ceremony (7:30 pm) followed by cocktails (8pm) and party/dance (9pm).
If you want to keep it more casual, you could look into options like a brunch or afternoon tea reception.
Post # 11
FutureMrsHodgy: Well, then I guess they’ll just have to be dissapointed. My daughter just got married and only 6 of the bride and groom’s combined 8 aunts and uncles were invited. Of those 6, only 2 even attended. Your wedding planning doesn’t have a vote attached, for what other people want. It’s what you two want and can afford. If they want a big party to attend, maybe they can pay for it?
Post # 12
PABride: it’s looking like his family will be footing most of the bill, so they get a pretty big say in who will be invited. They want the big party, everyone does but me lol. Btw I’m from PA too! Southcentral PA.
julies1949: I like your idea of an intimate dinner before!
Thanks everyone for the advice! I appreciate all the different viewpoints given!
Post # 13
FutureMrsHodgy: I just posted on another thread about this. My FI has a huge NY raised Italian family. He is the baby and last of the cousins/siblings to get married. FMIL just passed away, and because of FFIL, FI wanted the ginormous affair with everyone we know.
I have NO family, by choice. Except my 2 kids. Everyone at my wedding will be his people, except 2 friends I’ve known less than 4 years. Because of this, I wanted a simple backyard BBQ, with torches and ice buckets of booze and a bonfire. But, after seeing my FIs excitement to plan and experience a (traditional, I guess?) wedding, I really warmed me up to the idea. Plus with him being so gung-ho about it all, he’s helping and interested in every aspect.
Plus, I don’t know where you are, but I chose my venue because it has a private beach for our ceremony with all night access, but there is still a reception room. Best of both worlds.
Anyway, just another perspective 🙂 good luck, its your wedding and it’ll be beautiful no matter what.