Torn again..

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
346 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I don’t exactly understand. You declined her wedding invitation because the engagement had been called off? What is wrong with declining a wedding invitation if the  engagement is called off???? I don’t see anything wrong with that but then again i’m not sure I understand your post.

You write that you also decliined it because you had plans for a trip to Florida with your family? Had you made plans for this trip before you kenw she was getting married? If so, then I can understand why you had to decline her wedding invitation.

If she  thought she was your best friend, then I can understand why she might have been upset you declining her wedding invitation. I too would be upset if my best friend declined my wedding invitation but if the reason why she declined is because she had made plans way before she kenw I was getting married, then I would understand.

As far as the baby shower is concerned, I think this friend has a special place for you in her life. First, she invited you to her wedding and now she’s inviting you to her baby shower. Obviously she wants you to be part of her life. I don’t know that you feel that way though. If you don’t feel like you are that close to this person, then decline her baby shower invitation. I think she’ll get the hint that really you are not interested in being part of special events in her life.

Post # 3
Member
1344 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I think the wedding invitation situation is understandable since you made plans while the engagement was called off.

I do think that if you are intersted in keeping the friendship going, you should go to the baby shower if you are able to. It sounds like she is reaching out to you. As we enter different stages in life, it sometimes becomes harder to maintain older friendships. It also sounds like she has had a dramatic year and needs her friend.

Post # 5
Member
3394 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Ugh, that wedding sounds like a huge mistake to me. Don’t feel bad about declining the invitation, it’s perfectly understandable that people would make other plans with the understanding that the wedding was meant to be cancelled.

With regard to the baby shower, I would only go if you want to preserve the friendship and remain a part of each other’s lives. If you didn’t go, I think it would really speak volumes about how you feel about her choices – and I wouldn’t expect that the friendship could continue after that.

Post # 6
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee

Did you try to contact her in the two months and get ignored or did neither of you try to contact each other? 

Post # 7
Member
2055 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I agree that the baby shower wouldn’t be the best place for a reunion. Can you meet up before then to clear the air? If not, I’d still go. She reached out to you in a positive way, wanting you there. Go and be cordial, wish her well, and contain yourself to avoid a blow up. Be civil and postpone a talk to clear the air for some time after if you can’t do it before the shower.

Post # 8
Member
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Do you want to continue this friendship? If so, you probably need to attend the baby shower. If you decline this event too, the decline would likely be received as a sign that the friendship is over.

Post # 9
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

mandapandabear:  I declined a wedding invitation for a really good friend’s wedding a few years ago and after she called me to find out why I wasn’t attending (it was a Sunday afternoon wedding out of town), we pretty much stopped being friends.

If she called to ask you to the baby shower she obviously still wants some sort of friendship with you.  If you still want to maintain a friendship with her, then it would be good idea to attend the baby shower.  If you could care less about the friendship then skip the baby shower (but know that it will probably effectively end your friendship.)

Post # 10
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

I doubt there will be a blowup since she will be too busy answering questions about the baby and opening presents.

Post # 11
Member
3806 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

mandapandabear:  so wait… the wedding was off, so you declined the wedding and she got mad? and now she’s having a baby shower in the same month? whatevs… just go on vacation. she has some life issues that she needs to work out.

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