Post # 1
I previously declined a wedding invitation for my best friend as we shall call her for now. I declined due to the engagement being called off and making plans for a trip to Florida with my family and several other reasons. The engagement became back on and she also found out that she is pregnant in March. Since declinging the invitation a month and a half ago I have not heard from this best friend. Today, completely out of the blue she texted me and asked if I would be able to go to her baby shower.
Now that I have talked to her I feel torn again that I was a bad friend for declining the wedding and feel like we were not really as close as we thought since she got really upset when I decliend. More than that I do not really know what to do with the baby shower invitation.
I hope someone or several people will give me some useful opinions on what I should do.
Post # 2
I don’t exactly understand. You declined her wedding invitation because the engagement had been called off? What is wrong with declining a wedding invitation if the engagement is called off???? I don’t see anything wrong with that but then again i’m not sure I understand your post.
You write that you also decliined it because you had plans for a trip to Florida with your family? Had you made plans for this trip before you kenw she was getting married? If so, then I can understand why you had to decline her wedding invitation.
If she thought she was your best friend, then I can understand why she might have been upset you declining her wedding invitation. I too would be upset if my best friend declined my wedding invitation but if the reason why she declined is because she had made plans way before she kenw I was getting married, then I would understand.
As far as the baby shower is concerned, I think this friend has a special place for you in her life. First, she invited you to her wedding and now she’s inviting you to her baby shower. Obviously she wants you to be part of her life. I don’t know that you feel that way though. If you don’t feel like you are that close to this person, then decline her baby shower invitation. I think she’ll get the hint that really you are not interested in being part of special events in her life.
Post # 3
I think the wedding invitation situation is understandable since you made plans while the engagement was called off.
I do think that if you are intersted in keeping the friendship going, you should go to the baby shower if you are able to. It sounds like she is reaching out to you. As we enter different stages in life, it sometimes becomes harder to maintain older friendships. It also sounds like she has had a dramatic year and needs her friend.
Post # 4
Lauraine: I probably should have been a bit more specific about the details leading to the engagement beingcalled off and my plans for going to Florida.
The friend in question and her now fiancee got enganged and she approached me about saving the date they originally picked. About a month or so later they moved into his mother’s house and all seemed fine. A few weeks later she gets in touch with me about the fact that he pawned her engagement ring, took all of her new clothing back to the mall, and started a fight with her about it because she was upset after his mother demanded he do those things for the rent money without her knowledge. At the end of the argument she got kicked out of the house and her parents had to drive 4+ hours round trip to get her and her stuff that night/ early morning. Also I know that it is not my decision in the matter, but I think that the wedding is a huge mistake considering the problems that they have. I know that she may be my “best friend”, but I do not really support the relationship or the two of them getting married. The engagement was then off, so I chose to make the plans with my family for a vacation to Florida. When I made the plans the wedding date was not yet set and the engagement had ended.
About the time she announced she was pregnant I found out that the engagement was back on however I have already spent money that I can not get back for this trip. So I had to decline and did not see a problem with doing that.
As far as the baby shower is concered I would go, but from where I sit its been almost two months with no contact at all. I knew she would be uspet about the wedding thing, but I’m not sure that a baby shower would be the best place for a reunion seeing as how there might be a huge blowup about the whole thing.
Post # 5
Ugh, that wedding sounds like a huge mistake to me. Don’t feel bad about declining the invitation, it’s perfectly understandable that people would make other plans with the understanding that the wedding was meant to be cancelled.
With regard to the baby shower, I would only go if you want to preserve the friendship and remain a part of each other’s lives. If you didn’t go, I think it would really speak volumes about how you feel about her choices – and I wouldn’t expect that the friendship could continue after that.
Post # 6
Did you try to contact her in the two months and get ignored or did neither of you try to contact each other?
Post # 7
I agree that the baby shower wouldn’t be the best place for a reunion. Can you meet up before then to clear the air? If not, I’d still go. She reached out to you in a positive way, wanting you there. Go and be cordial, wish her well, and contain yourself to avoid a blow up. Be civil and postpone a talk to clear the air for some time after if you can’t do it before the shower.
Post # 8
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
Do you want to continue this friendship? If so, you probably need to attend the baby shower. If you decline this event too, the decline would likely be received as a sign that the friendship is over.
Post # 9
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
mandapandabear: I declined a wedding invitation for a really good friend’s wedding a few years ago and after she called me to find out why I wasn’t attending (it was a Sunday afternoon wedding out of town), we pretty much stopped being friends.
If she called to ask you to the baby shower she obviously still wants some sort of friendship with you. If you still want to maintain a friendship with her, then it would be good idea to attend the baby shower. If you could care less about the friendship then skip the baby shower (but know that it will probably effectively end your friendship.)
Post # 10
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
I doubt there will be a blowup since she will be too busy answering questions about the baby and opening presents.
Post # 11
mandapandabear: so wait… the wedding was off, so you declined the wedding and she got mad? and now she’s having a baby shower in the same month? whatevs… just go on vacation. she has some life issues that she needs to work out.
Post # 12
cpick: I tried two or three times by text and also by facebook and got no response in the two months.
Post # 13
beachbride1216: In most cases yes, but both her and the babby daddy both have very small families and have few friends close enough to invite. So in this case the blowup and huge fight will most likely start and end there.
Post # 14
TaurianDoll: Basically. She had originally said that they wanted to get married in June just did not have a certain date yet then the engagement was off and I made vacation plans. When I found out that they are still getting married(possibly now. I don’t really know.) I explained my situation and she seemed to be understanding. Then two months pass and now I’m invited to the baby shower in the same month.
Thanks for confirming my thoughts that there are some serious issues in her life that she needs to deal with.