Torn between having 3 or 4 bridesmaids due to past drama between friends…

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll:
    Talk with Person A/B about them having to be around each other for one day/hope they'll get along. : (7 votes)
    50 %
    Stick with only 3 bridesmaids/groomsmen (two brothers, one cousin). : (5 votes)
    36 %
    Don't have a wedding party at all to avoid potential bridesmaid drama. : (2 votes)
    14 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    25 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    Definitely not option 3. NEVER settle for your wedding. If any part of you thinks you will regret not doing something, do it.

    Ok, now that that’s out of the way, I understand you miss Person B and the friend they used to be to you. Although it sounds like they are no longer your friend. If she didn’t involve you in her wedding, then she won’t be mad if she’s not involved in yours, ESPECIALLY if she hasnt been around for you.

    If you stick with the 3 bridesmaids who are in your life then let your FI decide who he wants for groomsmen – whether it’s 3 or 4. At the end of the day the odd/even numbers won’t matter – but what will is WHO is standing next to you on your big day (not how many).

    Also remember if you do invite Person B to be in your party, it’s more than one day that they will have to be in the same room. Bridal shower, bachelorette party etc. The issues that may occur between them could forever be your prominent memory of the event. So if you decide for both of them to be in your party, have a get-together with them. Over coffee or something. Let them both know if front of the other that this is YOUR day and you would like for each of them to be there for YOU and that they are not required to be there for eachother if neither wants to, they just need to keep it civil. 

    Final verdict – make this decision for yourself and not based on the friendship between them.

    Post # 3
    Member
    852 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

     

    BritniRobots:  I am leaning towards having no bridal party……

    It is easy for two people to say that they will get along.  However, wedding planning is stressful and these two people will be together at several events (dress shopping, bridal shower, bachelorette party, wedding day of events, etc).  All it takes is one comment for drama to begin…..

     

    Post # 4
    Member
    1583 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    BritniRobots:  I had a similar issue when picking a bridal party. I have 2 friends (J and K) who used to be best friends and now haven’t spoken in about 5 or 6 years. The falling out is a long story that I don’t need to hash out here. I remained friends with both and refused to pick a side as it was their issue and not mine. They were both living away at the time. J and her husband moved home after and we are still close friends. I’m her second child’s godmother. K still lives away and our lives are totally different now and I don’t really consider us as close as we used to be. I decided in the end to go with 2 attendents (J and another friend) and not have K at all. K has a tendancy to bring drama and make things about her – 2 things I didn’t want on my wedding day.

    I would ask the attendants you want. It sounds like you want A and not B which is totally fine. Don’t worry about having an even wedding party as nobody cares about that anymore.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2132 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I ended up picking a small party (3) and excluding some of my closest friends to both avoid drama, and to match the amount of bm to the gm my husband wanted to ask.  Sometimes I kind of wish one of my friends in particular wasn’t excluded- but that is also because we are really getting along well now, and at the time of picking my bm we really were not at all.  However, I loved the size of my bridal party- 3 bm and 3 gm.  It really made things so much simplier, less dramatic, and much more stressfree, and I think it made me enjoy the wedding more in the end.  Plus it saved money on the bridal party gifts and the flowers and I was able to use that towards adding more passed appetizers- which was one of the things my guests enjoyed most.  Plus, I’m just as good of friends with the girls I excluded as I was before.  

    Post # 6
    Member
    1424 posts
    Bumble bee

    I started out wanting to respond, pick whoever you’re closest too, sounds like B is out anyway but if you are close to both have both … but honestly, there is a girl I am no longer friends with that we are still both close to mutual friends.  If I was in a bridal party with this former friend a lot of events would just be more tense for everyone. I would be polite but would avoid talking to her, sitting near her, etc. So … I wouldn’t want to be a drama queen but just cannot stand this girl and know I wouldn’t be able to just fake it and be super fun with everyone. I think in your situation it isn’t worth having both.  It’s not like they are your two best friends and you see them both separately every week or every other week they are people you have a relationship on and off with who don’t like each other.  I would exclude one or the other.

    Post # 7
    Member
    716 posts
    Busy bee

    Option 4:  wait 6 months and decide then.

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    5007 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    BritniRobots:  I would just not include Person B, but would invite her to the wedding.

    I had some drama in my bridal party (family unfortunately) and if I had known, I would have chosen less girls that I knew would get along together. Trust me, with all the wedding stuff that’s going to go on, you DO NOT want to play firendship matchmaker or deal with cases like, “well im not helping plan if person a is planning” or “i’m not going if person b is going”. TRUST ME.

    Post # 9
    Member
    829 posts
    Busy bee

    I have a little drama like yours, except I am person B.

    Can I ask you: if you know person A’s boyfriend manipulated everything and person B is a good person, why did you play “neutral” instead of sticking up for person B? In my situation when the middle person didn’t stick up for me, I slowly distanced myself from her because I no longer see her as someone I can trust. So of course eventually my middle person grew closer to person A.

    You can’t make one a bridesmaid and not the other if you’re truly playing “neutral”. If I wasn’t a bridesmaid and person B was, I’d cut both out you out of my life for good.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1801 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Honestly….if you think you cant trust a grown adult who is (supposedly) a good friend of yours to keep her composure in a formal setting like a wedding to support you for a few hours….then they shouldnt be a bridesmaid. No matter how much any bitch got onmy nerves, Id always bite my tounge for a friends wedding/bday party/etc. And having one but not the other completely removes you from your Switzerland situation you claim youre in. Just be fair, and let A know that B is in the party, and vice versa as soon as possible, and let them opt out or suck it up and decide to stay in it for you

    Post # 12
    Member
    374 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2015 - Surrey, BC, Canada

    Honestly they should realize they are both there to celebrate you, the bride, and be mature enough to not cause drama with each other and not ruin things. However human behaviour is not always so logical…. though sometimes, people really do just need to grow up and get over things.

    My advice is simply to do what you want and ask who you want to be up there with you, regardless of how each of them get along amongst themselves. You never know – maybe being around each other for fun events will make them remember the good times when they were friends and they could even become friends again. 

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