Torn between starting my career or starting a family

posted 3 years ago in TTC
Post # 2
Member
4834 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

How old are you and how many kids do you want? We have some age/health issues that make us not want to wait too long, but I just finished my PhD and am starting my career, so it wasn’t the time. 

Depending on your answers to those questions, I would probably say just start school if you want to and TTC when you want to. You can always take a leave of absence from school or something, but it’s pretty hard to plan when you will get pregnant, especially with extra difficulties like you mentioned. A lot of people do RN training in nontraditional ways too.

Post # 3
Member
387 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014 - Windstar on Naples bay

I say weigh your options. How important are children vs your career? Now a days your never to old to go to school, but you may be too old to have children, especially if you’ve been diagnosed with something that could add complications. How old are you? I would say that if you really want children and a career is say have kids now and then when their a bit older go back to school. Rn courses are very hectic (at least around here) so I don’t know if you could do it while their infants but maybe when their in elementary school? It’s all a matter of what your highest propriety is. You could get a shorter degree like drs assistant or raudiology tech or sonogram tech (whatever their called) I think their only 2 year programs?

Post # 4
Member
535 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

My vote is for career. Like I tell my kids “if you do things in the right order you can have anything you want in life. Of you do things I in the wrong order, you are limited.” I am lovong proof of that. 38 years old, deadend job, 5 kids, no assets….all because I didn’t map out life very well. Not trying to be Debbie Downer, just want to help others have a better life 🙂

Post # 5
Member
4827 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

I think your age would be the biggest factor here.

Post # 6
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

My Best friend is in your same position.  She had a VERY large fibroid removed (softball sized) and when they were doing so, found endrometriosis.   She was told to start conceiving after 6 months of healing. Endometriosis can return, so its better to do it sooner than later.  She is working on her Master’s now, and wanted to be further or done by the time she had children.  Ultimately, she decided her overall life goal was to have a family.  So, that is her priority now. And I think she is making the right choice.  What if she finishes school, then can’t have children? Was it worth it then?  Or, as she had pointed out, what if she has a disabled child and can’t work anyways?

You just need to find out whats best for you in the LONG RUN.  

I’m in the middle of my Masters and I wanted to finish before children, but I’ve now decided to start my family then see where my life takes me.

Post # 7
Member
1691 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

The nice thing about nusring school is that you don’t have to jumb in right away. Take some prerequisite courses now, many of which can be completed online. You can chip away at all you have to do before your baby is born, and then complete the more intense components once baby is a little older. Some class can be done part time, during the night, online, etc. There are also programs designed with parent in mind. Aim for an Associates degree first, and then work up to a BSN when it suits you. It’s not the easiest thng in the world, but it can be done. I do not have kids, but have comlpeted my BSN and MSN. Feel free to PM me if you’d like to chat.

Post # 8
Member
6048 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

You can have kids now and then go back to school when they do.  My childhood babysitter did this, she just graduated and her kids are so proud.  They got to see her be a student and see how hard she worked, I think that is something kids should see too.  If you’re going to have trouble having kids, then why not take a few classes while your TTC and then if it happens right away you can stop.  If it doesn’t happen for you guys right off the bat, you still are working toward a goal of yours.

Post # 9
Member
354 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I vote start having your babies. It’s great to have an education and a career, but really at the end of the day, a carreer is just that; a way to make money. Your bosses and companies you work for will never be loyal towards you as a person; they are only loyal to the almighty dollar. For the last 30 years women have been told to pursue jobs and careers,but at what cost? And alot of the time, jobs or carreers haven’t exactly brought any of us more happiness than having kids or raising a family has. And how many people do you know who are lugging around TONS of tuition debt who have nothing to really show for it?

Plus, jobs will come and go in your life. Your babies are forever. You can always go back and get a job. But depending on your age, 4 years is a long time to saw off your optimal child-bearing years. It’s better to have them when you’re young and energetic. And i don’t know how old you are; BUT…if you have your first baby at, say, 32…then you will be 42 when that kid is only 10. And at 42, alot of people just don’t have the energy to put into running around with a 10 year old anymore.

I dunno. Food for thought. I used to be of the “pro carreer” crowd but i’m changing my mind to prefer that the younger you have your babies, the better in the long run (especially considering youre married, cuz that gives you that extra stability).

Post # 10
Member
1103 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I vote on children first. My mom went to nursing school after I was born, I was 5 at her graduation (cute pics of her in her gown holding me).  She was 30 when she had me, I’m glad she didn’t wait until 35, her health has been declining for a few years and that’s 5 less years I would have had with her. 

Post # 11
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee

If you guys canmake it on his salary and after being together 7 years you are obviously in a pretty stable relationship..go for the kids.  Then, when they go to school, say in about 4 to 6 years if you have two) go back to school yourself and do the nurse thing.  If you were to do school first then take off in 4 years to have babies. it would be the same scenario, you would have the degree but you probably would not use it bc you would have your babies to want to be around and you would lose all of your work contacts during this time anyway…this is all assuming you want to raise your kids and not have child care of course, not sure about that part..i dont think you specified. 

Post # 12
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee

oh yeah, but in the meantime while ttc like the poster above says…start taking some classes and then you can finnish up later:)

Post # 14
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

How old are you? I recently found myself in a somewhat similar situation. I was in a full time school program that ultimately would take me 5-6 years (I was only in the second semester), and would lead to a career that, while I think I would have loved, would have had me working 12 hour days, being paged in late at night, etc. I decided I want a family (and FH agreed), so I left the program. It was a hard decision, but I am almost 31 and didn’t want to be starting a family in my late 30s and then being gone all the time. You have to weigh your options. I think in your case I would start a family and go back once your kids are in school. That is what my mom did. I have great memories of “studying” with her (mostly I just held up flash cards for her). Also, while I get your point about kids seeing Mommy help people, there is something to be said for seeing Mommy pursuing her dream even if it is later in life. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Pingwing.
Post # 15
Member
4043 posts
Honey bee

As other PPs have mentioned, I agree that age is a huge factor. While endometriosis is a concern, if you are still young, you may still have time. 

What about starting a nursing program and then begin TTCing during your 4th year? That way, if you do get pregnant right away, you should be able to finish up school just fine. If you decide to have children first, it will be doable, but very hard to finish your education. Of all the people I know who planned on having children first and then going back to school (about 10 people, including my mother), only two actually completed their education. 

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