Post # 1
So we are having our wedding in Kelowna, BC which is a 10 hour drive, or an hour flight away from where most of our guests live. We originally had planned for no children, but the other day a I was playing with one of our groomsmen’s children (3 and 5) and the mom mentioned to the 2 girls that “she is getting married in the summer and we are going to her wedding!” then the 5 year old asked me if I had a flower girl yet and if she could be my flower girl. This was only the second time I’ve met their kids. I didn’t say anything at the moment.
So now I’m really torn. Is it rude to say no children? If we allowed kids, there would be 9 children there under the age of 5. We are trying to make it a small-ish wedding, about 70 guests. With kids that are over 5, they are usually well behaved and have fun on the dance floor and such, but kids under 5 sometimes don’t know about being quiet when vows and speeches are happening, and I fear there’s going to be some 2 year old cries and tantrums at inopportune times…. The fact that the wedding is out of town can make it difficult for some people to leave their children for a whole weekend with someone. It’s an outdoor ceremony though, so even if a kid starts crying, it’s not like the mom can just step outside the chapel, it’s in a giant garden and would echo no matter where they went.
Gahh, I don’t know what to do!!! Bees, help me out. What would you do in my situation, accept it and let people bring their kids, or stick to our original plan and ask the parents to make other arrangements?
Post # 3
A 10 hour drive is pretty far. Typically, I’d say just to have the parents make other arrangements, but I don’t know that many of them would want to leave their kids for such a long time.
Can you make arrangements to hire a couple of babysitters to watch the all the kids during the wedding in another room?
Post # 4
@mepayne: +1 That would be a great idea to have a couple babysitters for all the kids to go to.
FI and I have chosen to not allow children at our wedding, although that isn’t much of an issue with us. We aren’t allowing children under 10 as all of our experience is that they end up being super bored and make a commotion. I love kids and am a preschool teacher, so it’s nothing against kids, we just don’t want them at our wedding.
Post # 5
We’re not allowing kids at our wedding. Most parents want a night away anyways. And it saves you money not having to feed them or hire a babysitter.
But your situation is unique. A weekend will cost a lot for the parents to hire baby sitters for. But I’m sure they have grandparents or other family members or friends who could do it.
I think in this case I would say children are allowed, and hope the parents find their own baby sitters. But if you get lots of RSVPs including young kids, then think about hiring a babysitter.
Post # 6
I had kids at our wedding… yes one of them said something loud as i was walking up the aisle. She said .. OH Daddy look, aunty looks like a princess… and started jumping on her seat. She even said “I DO” louder than i did. who cares .. everyone is going to remember that part of my wedding, i won’t blend in with all the other weddings they’ve been to… and i am fine with it. Stuff happens.
I asked these people (friends/family) to travel either 15hour car ride or 2.5 hour plane ride, if they want to bring their kids I was fine with it. And I’m not sure too many people from out of town would have loved me hiring some random person they don’t know to watch their kids. If i had kids I wouldn’t love that idea.
I was at a wedding once when someone on the grooms side, an ADULT, was conducting a business phone call on his cell. Rude happens at every age.
Post # 7
Don’t feel pressured to invite them if you don’t want, but if you don’t mind them, then go ahead and invite them!
I will say that if it was that far, I wouldn’t bring my daughter, even if she was invited.
We’re inviting kids to ours b/c there are quite a few b/t our family and friends, and I don’t want to have to pick and choose which ones make the cut. We do plan on having games and stuff to entertain them (possibly even a bounce house). Most of the kids will be old enough to handle themselves, but we might have someone there to wrangle the little ones…there are only 2 or 3 babies/toddlers.
Post # 8
I love kids at weddings! But I work with infants, so I could be biased…
Post # 9
@Spanglbee: Since you’d rather have your ceremony child free, but don’t mind them on the dance floor, would it be possible to have the children somewhere else during the ceremony and “the boring part” of the dinner?
I’m thinking on the line of a children’s’ entertainer set up in part of the reception room during the ceremony and perhaps something fun outside, like an organised game or something, at the time of the speeches, during the reception. I doubt it would cost very much, a baby sitter for two hours (present during the entertainment and game to look after the kids) and a local magician or something for an hour.
Post # 10
We had kids at our wedding, my little cousins… I think there were maybe a dozen or so from about 10 months to 10 years. Aside from a brief round of tag on the dance floor during dinner where I had terrible visions of them careening into the cake table (one girl’s father quickly put an end to it!), I loved having them there, and they seemed to have fun dancing. We also set up a separate little table in the corner filled with coloring books, crayons, and glow bracelets that helped keep them occupied, too (and a few older cousins that acted as unofficial babysitters).
So I definitely think it’s doable without them ruining anything. But yours is a very far drive so some parents might prefer having a weekend away by themselves, too. Ultimately it’s your choice!
Post # 11
I may be slightly biased since I am allowing children at my wedding. If you’re on the fence on the issue, I’d say let them come. If you have a reason to not want them there (Having heavy drinking, no real children you’re close to, etc) then don’t allow them.
I will probably have a few children at my wedding. One is my godson, the other is the son of my bridesmaid (same age & same name as my godson.. oh dear. They have never met before) and I will have an 11 year old as one of my bridesmaids. I do not know all of the family my husband’s side of the family is inviting, so there may be another stray child on the loose here or there. Not sure.
The children at my wedding will be old enough to behave themselves (Both boys are six and seven respectively) so I will not have any very young children or infants.
Post # 12
We restricted the ceremony to kids 5+, but our guests with kids weren’t coming 10 hours. I was worried about crying during vows (I’ve seen it happen and missed hearing vows becasue the parent didn’t bother to get up and take the baby out.)Could you request that young kids be left in a room with a babysitter (both provided by you) for the ceremony only? If it’s on-site, parents might be okay with leaving them for the half hour ceremony.
During dinner and the reception, even young kids should be fine. Food will keep them occupied during the speeches and it’s cute, rather than annoying if they chime in then. Everyone will laugh and move on.
Post # 13
Thanks everyone for all the input! I appreciate it. The kids that would be coming are all kids of friends, no family, and I’m not really close with any of them. Met the kids a few times at most, and the oldest is 5, so there’s not really any older children to look after them or entertain them, only the parents. I know it’s going to be quite a party and some people will be drinking heavily so I wasn’t sure if its the Best place for really young children to be. Maybe I’ll just ask some of my friends with kids that are coming if they think we should have kids there or not…
Post # 14
Tradionally, in my back ground, kids are always at the wedding. It always annoyed me. I didn’t realize there was an option not to invite kids. First of all, during the ceremony, they are often loud, sometimes run around, maybe cry. At one of my friend’s weddings, her nephew ran across her veil a couple of times, and on the wedding video, you just see her head jerking back from it.
Also, there’s the fact that parents can’t have fun. They have to watch out for the kids. You always end up with a pile of them passed out.
There’s also the added expense of a child, who’s meal you have to pay for, will probably eat like two bites, before running off.
I’m not anti kid, as much as it sounds, but I am anti kid at weddings. A wedding is an adult party.