Post # 1
I know no one can answer this question for me or tell me the right answer, but I just need to ramble about it a little to help get the thoughts straight in my head.
So FI and I have been planning a wedding for June 22 2013, we have a deposit on the venue but that’s it so far..and we haven’t sent anything out yet to anyone as far as Save the Dates or invites obviously.
The more we’ve been talking and planning the wedding and saving money, the more I have been giving thought to eloping. Money isn’t the issue, we can afford a wedding just fine (our original plan was for 150 guests), but the wedding itself feels frivilous and expensive and to be honest I have trouble rationalizing spending the money we’re saving on a wedding rather than a house.
I’ve never been one of those people that dreamed of a big fancy wedding, or fantasized about any of that. I hate being center of attention, and I dislike a lot of the traditional stuff that goes along with typical weddings. All the things I ought to gush about as a bride just seem like stuff I should do, not stuff I’m excited to do.
After discussing it, FI and I both would rather just have a small intimate ceremony with immediate family only, and get married this year in the woods somewhere with a little reception. I really just want to be married, the wedding isn’t as enormous a deal to me. Then save the rest of the money for a nice house down payment. Since a house is something super important to us.
Our families would be fine with that, so we aren’t going to get any guilt trips or anything. I’m not even sure why I’m conflicted over the idea. I feel slightly guilty, and slightly afraid of making the wrong decision either way. FI said that if at some point we felt we regretted it, we could always have a big vow renewal and do all the things we didn’t do so it’s not like it’s all or nothing.
Anyone got any experience in either direction? Either having a big wedding when you aren’t a big wedding girl and regret it? Or have a tiny simple wedding and end up regretting not doing something bigger and more elaborate?
Post # 3
Some days I want to run in the forest myself!!! I think it’s a great idea and doesn’t sound like it conflicts with family either. I say DO IT!
Post # 4
We had a courthouse ceremony, and it was a great decision. We saved a lot of money, and neither one of us feel like we missed out on anything. I was like you about not dreaming about a wedding, liking being the center of attention, etc. I think a wedding would have been a lot of time, money, and frustration that we would have regretted down the road. We also discussed having a vow renewal ceremony if we ever grew to regret our decision, but I really don’t see that happening. It sounds like a small ceremony would be a great, logical option for you that would allow you to put extra money towards your home. In my experience, people rarely regret making rational decisions, so I think it would be strong decision.
Post # 5
I had a wedding and looking back, I really wish I had eloped. It would have been a lot more romantic and meaningful and we would have been able to spend money on just the things that were important to us.
Post # 6
I’m having tiny. I wanted under 40 but we have 55 now *sigh*. Anyways, ideally I would have had close family and friends only and a quaint ceremony and reception. I have never dreamed about anythng than the “I do” bit that comes with weddings!
Will I regret it? Hell no 🙂
Post # 7
you sound like we did shortly before we decided to elope – we wanted to be married but without the wedding and have never regreted it for a second.
Post # 8
@irishphoenix: if both parties are on board by all means elope and save the $ for something else–you won’t regret it. Believe me, especially when you’re picking up the tab yourselves planning a wedding is extremely stressful—and not necessary for a happy marriage at all! You could use a fraction of the $ you would have spent and have an amazing honeymoon too
Post # 9
I would love a small intimate ceremony/reception… but unfortunately I don’t think So would be ok with it 🙁 To his family, every wedding is a big affair/large family event, and I think they would be upset. Sigh.
Post # 10
We just married on 3/31 in a very small and intimate ceremony with our parents, children and my brother/ sis in law. It was an AWESOME choice and I don’t regret it one bit!!! At the end on May, we will have a reception with 50 family and I get to wear my dress again!
Post # 11
Thanks everyone. Your thoughts and experiences helped make this decision a LOT easier 🙂
Post # 12
Interestingly, I posted on something similar a second ago, where I said that I chose to buy a house first and then save for a wedding later. I say that if you’re family are fine with it, a smaller wedding and a house makes so much sense!
There’s no better start to a marriage than financial security, especially seeing as that is one of the main issues people fight (and divorce) over!
Post # 13
@irishphoenix: You sound just like me! We were planning a bigger wedding for next fall and last week we decided to do an immediate family only ceremony and dinner. I couldnt see spending all that money on one day. I never dreamed of my wedding and nori don’t like all eyes on me. Someone told me to do what we want to do and not what others want you to do. In the end it’s all about being married and not the party. We are planning to have a celebration a few months later with all our friends.