(Closed) Torn over guest list… help :(

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
3620 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Have you already cut out the “plus one”s for people who aren’t currently in a relationship?

We had to do that, because our venue could only accommodate a certain number of people, and frankly, I don’t want to be meeting someone for the first time on my wedding day. And by doing that, we have a bunch of single people who can meet each other at the wedding!

Post # 5
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’d say send invites as early as possible, with a good long RSVP date, and bump people up the list as you can. Be careful of it though. You don’t want people standing.

That said, I have a friend who does be delighted to get only a reception invite – it’s essentially just a nice night out then, and not such a long day.

Post # 6
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I’d say invite everyone and hope for the 80%.  With an 80% acceptance rate, you’ll be right at the 160  mark.  If people are allowed to stand… then I wouldn’t worry too much about being above 160 people… as long as it isn’t a long ceremony.  Plus, given that you already warned about capacity issues… if they show up late they should understand why they are refused entry into the church.

If you don’t like that idea… I’d say invite only family and a very few close friends.  So… only invite about 90 people to the ceremony… I’d actually do even less if possible (so cut out non-immediate family as well).  That way the majority of people are only invited to the reception, rather than there being a small minority who feel left out by not being invited to the ceremony.  Essentially make it the norm to be only at the reception rather than the norm to be ceremony+reception.

Post # 8
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I strongly, strongly recommend not inviting more than the building can accommodate.  You cannot rely on an 80% acceptance; you should plan for 100%.  We are having a large rehearsal dinner (150+), but the venue has a maximum.  As the rsvp’s started rolling in, we were shocked by the number of yes’s we had thought would be no’s.  You cannot uninvite someone after the fact.

I suggest two things: Draw clear lines and have A and B (and C and D . . .) lists.  The Out of Town is a good line to draw, and a relatively easy one to explain.  Having an A list and an early deadline means you can informally let the B-listers know about the ceremony as space becomes available.  A simple “I accidentally sent you the wrong invitation! I’m so sorry!” can hide the fact that they were B-listers or, if you’re close, you can be honest.

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