Post # 1
Bees, I’m wondering if anyone of you have gone through this and hoping you have some advice.
I have 5 bridesmaids. 3 are from FI’s family. One is my sister and another is my good friend.
The three from FI’s family have decided that it is too inconvenient for them to meet me at our hotel where I am getting ready in the morning, to take pictures and take the limo to the ceremony.
Two of them have also decided the whole thing is a big inconvenience to them – probably thanks to their mother who puts ideas like that in their heads (since she was stressed about the aforementioned meeting me at the hotel). So, they have decided to stop talking to me and Fiance, stop returning phone calls, and instead direct any questions about the wedding to FI’s mom. That is, the few questions/complaints they’ve had – for some reason as of the last few weeks they have had no problem hiding how they are so NOT excited for the wedding.
We’re talking about BMs who chose their own dresses, shoes, colors, etc. And may I mention that they are not paying for it either (they are younger and their parents are footing the bill). I have not asked them to do anything or help with projects, have not demanded one thing, and they barely participated in any wedding-related events.
Fiance and I have spoken to his mom about our issue with them and she has no idea why they’re acting like that other than “they are fickle and immature.” Okay, they are. But they are still adults and in the wedding party, and could at least act civil.
With it being so close to the wedding, this has really bummed us out. I now have one of my ceremony readers (another good friend) coming to get ready with me that morning, along with another Bridesmaid or Best Man, instead of those girls.
Anyone feel TOTALLY disconnected from their BMs?
Post # 3
I don’t have BM’s this time, but I do know someone who went through something similar. The bride had a friend come and do hair and makeup (she was a professional who works at an upscale salon) free to them, for the wedding. The groom’s sister had no good reason not to go with the rest, but refused and paid to have her hair done elsewhere…no one really knew why? Sometimes women do strange things, my best advice is to enjoy your day with those that are close to you and forget the other 3.
Post # 4
Honestly don’t know why those girls are in your wedding party. If they can’t even show up to get ready with you. Since they picked their own dresses. I would tell them not to bother and just to come as guest, since they will missing the photos they don’t need to stand up at the alter with you.
Post # 5
Post # 6
Then email them together and tell them that only big girls who where big girl pants are going to be in the wedding. They have a week to start being responsive or you’ll move on. If they like wasting their $ that way, so be it.
How old are these girls? I was literally seeing Cinderellas annoying step sisters in my head when you explained their behaviors, lol.
Post # 8
@TwoCityBride: Agree. They don’t care, so why should you? They could just wear their dresses to the wedding and be left out of the whole “inconvenience.” Getting ready with the bride is pretty standard bridesmaids practice.
Post # 9
Honestly, do you really want people who are clearly not interested in celebrating the joy of your day with you present for something that is supposed to be a good time?
My BM’s and I were not completely disconnected but a few wanted to get their hair done with their own girls. I didn’t really insist that they use my girl but since she would be there and did great work, I said it might be fun to all prep together.
One Bridesmaid or Best Man made it a big deal to be present (even though she had considered going to her own girl too) and made the other Bridesmaid or Best Man feel bad about not being there the entire day.
These two BM’s happened to be the people displeased with their “look” when all was said and done and truthfully, I would have much rather they showed up after going to their respective stylists because they spent half the day squaking like chickens and fixing their hair and makeup (which looked fabulous, btw), which was kind of a downer. I wouldn’t say they were selfish, but they were a little self-involved that day (maybe because of the whole picture thing) and if your BM’s are the same way, let them show up (or not ) and enjoy your time with people who you actually like to be around.
I noticed that you invited the girl who is reading for you to get ready with you. Is this for more photo ops or do you actually want her around? My suggestion would be to keep it low key. If I thought it through more clearly, I would have gotten ready with just my sisters and mom. It can get very hectic!
Post # 10
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
“they are still adults and in the wedding party, and could at least act civil.”- Absolutely. If they’re not going to be respectful to you and Fiance, they don’t deserve to stand up for you at your wedding. Can Future Mother-In-Law set them straight?
There’s nothing wrong with an uneven bridal party.