Post # 1
Ok, so I just want to preface by saying I have the BEST BMs ever. I hate to even “complain” about them, but I have a sticky situation here…
My BMs have been generous enough to throw me a shower. I was really shocked that they would be so excited and on top of this, and I am thrilled that they would be so kind to me.
HOWEVER, I received the invitation today…I really don’t care what kind of shower it is, I just wanted a chance to celebrate with my friends & family. But they wrote both the name of the stores I registered at and “send to XYZ address”.
I tend to favor traditional etiquette, and writing the name of a store where I registered makes me cringe, but I could probably let it go. But writing “please send gifts here” just makes me feel SO rude. I would never say something like that to my guests.
So, now I’m torn. It was so generous of them to throw me a shower, I don’t want to seem ungrateful. But, at the same time, I feel like maybe I should contact my guests in some way and clear things up (maybe an email saying my BMs were trying to do me a favor because I live so far away from the shower site but gifts are obviously not expected?). I just feel so rude no matter what I do. So, ladies WWYD? And, also, if you received an invite like the one I describe, would you be offended?
Post # 3
I wouldn’t say anything to your BMs. They were trying to do something nice for you and as the hostesses, the wording on the invitation reflects on them, not you. I wouldn’t try to clear things up with your other guests either. It will just bring more attention to something they may not have noticed. If someone directly says something to you about it, you could explain, but I wouldn’t bring it up yourself.
Post # 4
Registry info on shower invites is fine. It’s because others are throwing the shower for you, you aren’t throwing it for yourself and asking people to get you gifts.
As for why they have where to send them, that’s slightly odd. Normally the gifts are opened at the shower. If I got an invite like that, I wouldn’t be offended but might be slightly confused (unless your shower is in a different location than where you live).
ETA: I need to slow down my reading! Since your shower is elsewhere than the address makes sense, especially for larger gifts. Relax and enjoy your party!
Post # 5
Since the invite has already been sent, just leave it alone. Also, I don’t think it’s as offensive because (1) the purpose of a shower is to “shower” the bride with gifts and (2) the invites were sent by the BMs, so you weren’t requesting gifts for yourself.
Post # 6
I’d say not to worry. If I received an invite like that, I’d assume it came from the BMs and not the Bride. And, honestly, I’d be glad to have your registry information. I’m assuming the address listed is where the shower will be held which I think is great too, because I could have the gift wrapped and shipped there.
Post # 7
Ok, thanks ladies. I would never say anything to my BMs, they are awesome. I was just worried about the “Send to xYZ” part, mostly. I guess there’s no way to clear that up at that point. I don’t know what their plans are at the shower, I guess they don’t plan on gift opening, which is traditionally central. I was just worried that my guests would be offended. I TOTALLY would be okay with a no gifts shower, I don’t want people to think I expect anything of them!!
Post # 8
@SiriusOne: The send to is to my home in the northwest, the shower is in the midwest. They (my BMs) were trying to do me a huge favor, I just would have probably gone about it differently. Oh, well, it was nice of them to think of me 🙂
Post # 9
Hmmm… not sure how I would feel about getting such a note. Mainly, I think I’d think that the hostesses didn’t know proper etiquette. (I totally agree with you!) Personally, I’d prefer that the guests ask if a registry is available and know that the proper thing to do is to ask a family member or a bridesmaid or the hostess when you RSVP. I don’t like the shipping address, because to me the point of having a shower beyond toasting the bride to be is watching her open them, but I also think I’d understand if it’s a case that you are marrying in your hometown, but the gifts will be going to your new home that is completely across the country and it would help you if the local department store ships your gifts to your new home because you definitely would have a difficult time taking them back on the airplane. If that’s the case, I think your family will be fine with your bridesmaids posting the extra information, because you can often have items shipped for free directly from the shop, and providing the proper information will help your guests help you. Because the most traditional location for your gifts to be sent would be your mother’s home, and that would not be at all helpful if you don’t live within driving distance of there.
Post # 10
If I received an invite like that, I wouldn’t even think about it. If I want to send a gift, I will, and feel lots of appreciation for folks giving the guidance of what to get and how to get it to the bride/couple. If I can’t afford or don’t want to send a gift, I won’t (but I hope I’d have the presence of mind to send a card!). Either way, I won’t be offended by the wording on an invite.
Mind you, the actual wedding invites I’ve received in the last few years have all had something about “in lieu of gifts, please consider our honeymoon wishing-well.” Or “In lieu of gifts, please consider a donation to X, Y or Z charity.” So, clearly, the etiquette specifying gift/cash from the getgo is not really an issue in my part of the world…
Post # 11
I think it is fine. My daughter had a baby shower, and they took a video of the shower, sent her a copy and a book with who attended and listed the gifts they gave, and had to ship them all to her, as we are very far away from extended family.
Post # 12
I totally had a meltdown in my office when I got my shower invite. I suggested a recipe theme — people could gift recipes! Lovely low-impact gift for our marital cookbook! I didn’t want people spending money at all, really, but I did register because my very wonderful friend who is hosting said “You have to register!” So the invite came out and basically said (in a clever-but-totally-explicit fashion ): “Bring gifts that help make the recipe.” I was mortified but also thought about the prospect of asking my friend to resend the invite and just couldn’t stomach it. She’s being so generous and just wants the best celebration possible. Bascially I told a few friends that gifts were not reaaaaally required and left it at that. This too shall pass 🙂 Enjoy the shower!
Post # 13
There’s nothing wrong with including registry info with bridal shower invitations because the express purpose of a bridal shower is to shower the bride with gifts.
As for the “please send gifts to XYZ,” that would confuse me a bit. I understand not wanting to have to haul a bunch of gifts back to her hometown, but I’d be wondering what we were supposed to do at the shower since usually watching the bride open her gifts is the main event.
I wouldn’t say anything to your BMs, though. I don’t think they’ve been rude. Everybody understands that showers are by definition about gifts, so nobody will think you or your BMs are out of line for expecting them.
Post # 14
I don’t think it’s an etiquette faux pas at all to list where you’re registered. Pretty much everyone knows that the point of a shower is to “shower” the bride with gifts. Please don’t worry, and just enjoy this special time!
Post # 15
Tradtionally where you are registered does come with the shower invite. The whole point of a shower is to ” shower” you with gifts and it’s well within etiquette to include that information. As for the ” please send gifts to x”.. that is a bit odd. The point of a shower is to open gifts. However since you don’t live in the location the shower is in I think people will understand that little note. People can choose to follow that or choose to bring a gift. I wouldn’t worry about it at all.
Post # 16
When you aren’t the host, you just have to go with the flow. It may not be what you would do, and you may be slightly mortified by it all, but someone is being gracious enough to host an event and your job is just to be the guest of honor. I was from out of town and some people asked if I would like my gift shipped, some people went ahead and shipped it and brought something small or had a picture of the gift in the card. In another scenario (and a more local shower) the host invited people not invited to the wedding. Ultimately I had to realize that was her choice, not mine. They knew they were not invited to the shower and the guest made the decision whether or not to come. On the same note, apparently while I was slightly mortified by the idea, it’s not that uncommon in that circle of people.
I didn’t get invites to either one of my showers, thanks Mom and FMIL, and it may be for the best. Just show up with a smile on your face and have a great time.