total spin off

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: would you ever ask to bring someone to a wedding not on the invite
    yes if I want them there : (3 votes)
    6 %
    yes if it was family : (5 votes)
    10 %
    yes for convenience : (3 votes)
    6 %
    hell no never ever ever : (40 votes)
    78 %
  • Post # 3
    4540 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2014 - Royalton White Sands

    Only if it was my FH/husband, since it would be a etiquette faux pas to not invite him in the first place. 

    Post # 4
    233 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    If my preferred guest isn’t on the invite, or I didn’t get a +1, then I don’t bring them. However, if someone else is on the invite (e.g. friend or family member listed as a +1) and they don’t want to go, and I want to bring a guest, I will ask.

    Post # 5
    1817 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    It’s not ok. Especially regarding a smaller wedding.

    Post # 6
    4072 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    My cousin got married this summer, and we asked if my FI could come to the wedding even thought he wasn’t on the invite. It was a special circumstance because he lives overseas and she wouldn’t have known he was visiting then. She was gracious and didn’t mind at all. She was pretty relaxed about the guest list. My mother also offered to just directly pay to add him in, but the bride said that wasn’t necessary. We did get them a nice gift for including us all.

    So only in special circumstances would I ever inquire, or if we’re married and he’s left off. If I was casually dating someone? No way, I’m not asking for a +1.

    Post # 7
    1929 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I had this happen for my wedding and I was so upset!  I made sure to find out every person who was in a serious relationship and invite their significant other.  My aunt asked for my cousin’s gf he had been dating for 4 months to come to our wedding… LESS than a week before the wedding!!! I said no.  For context, we had a small wedding with about 80 guests, only very close family and friends.

    ETA: If someone invited me but not my husband, I would be offended and ask.  But that would be their faux pas, not mine.


    Post # 8
    1822 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

    I am married, so I would ask for clarification, not permission. If it is clarified that he is not invited, I would RSVP “no” unless he would have had a conflict anyway.

    Post # 9
    2111 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    I’m guilty of guest substitution. Invite sent to HN family and no one can go but me? Grabbing a friend!

    Post # 12
    3659 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    We had three separate people call us to add a date. It was a little frustrating.

    Post # 13
    1729 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

    I have done this once in the past, before even knowing anything about wedding etiquette.  I was invited to a former subordinate’s wedding and didn’t know any of the other guests.  I asked if a friend of mine, who lived fairly near the wedding site (I crashed at her place for the wedding) could go with me.  He had no problem with it at all.  I don’t think I would ever ask in the future, now being aware of the etiquette, especially knowing first-hand how stressful the guest list can be on the couple.

    Post # 14
    635 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @selena12312:  A gf of mine assumed she would get a plus one even though her invite was addressed only to her.  She didn’t have a bf when the invites were sent.  Our wedding consists of only 28 guests.  She argued with me when I said she didn’t get a plus one.  A week later she says she has a bf.  She still isn’t getting a plus one!!!

    Post # 15
    403 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    If my husband was left off, I don’t think I’d ask, I’d just politely decline, but tell them the truth if they asked. We had one guy ask to bring his new girlfriend we didn’t know existed. When we had a couple of declines we extended her an invite and he said she wouldn’t be coming as too much hassle, strange.

    Post # 16
    254 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    I do think that there are special circumstances when this is ok. Ie: when one half of a married unit is ommitted, or if the person requires assistance to be able to attend. (Needs a nurse with them or what have you) but other then that, no you should never ask. And honestly even if anything like this were to happen to me I wouldn’t have the lady balls to dare ask. 

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