totally confused

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: what's the worst type of cheating?
    emotional with someone you know : (18 votes)
    44 %
    physical with random stranger : (1 votes)
    2 %
    physical with escort or prostitute : (8 votes)
    20 %
    anything with your best friend or younger sis : (14 votes)
    34 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    406 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Why are you with this guy?

    Post # 5
    Member
    872 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Eeh, all of those things are the worst?

     

    Post # 6
    Member
    3570 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I think if you believe you could eventually get over these trust issues with him in couples counseling, you should try that.  I think you should consider going to NY and making a fresh start.  I think instead of thinking of it as starting over at 29, you should think of it as saving your life!  Do you really want to be in your 40s or 50s and getting divorced from a man who never changed?  You are young and there is plenty of time for you to find a man who will treat you with love and respect.  Sending my positive thoughts your way.  I can’t imagine how overwhelmed and emotionally drained you must feel. 

     

    Post # 7
    Member
    11379 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @karak:  this guy is not going to change.  take control and leave him.  now. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    406 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @Treeline:  now the poll makes me think this post is not real.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1340 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Run!! This guy is not trustworthy and will never be. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    1040 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I know it’s hard, but I don’t really think you can trust this guy. He’s shown on multiple occasions that he has at least considered cheating, and he’s lied repeatedly to you about it. If you didn’t have evidence he’d probably still be lying (in fact I think there’s a good chance that he’s only admitting to certain things and there’s more he’s not telling you). If you stay I don’t think you’ll ever regain that trust, and without that how can you guys have a healthy relationship. 

    You are not too old to start over, don’t let fear of not finding someone keep you from leaving. You deserve better than this.

     

     

    Also please go and get yourself checked for STDs. Many sexually transmitted diseases can be completely asymptomatic especially in women, but can cause infertility if left Untreated.

    Post # 11
    Member
    7997 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2013

    @karak:  Ask yourself if you want to deal with this stuff for the rest of your life. If your answer is yes, go ahead and marry him.

    Starting over at 29 is MUCH better than being with a guy who makes you miserable.

    Post # 12
    Member
    2398 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I’m sorry you are having to deal with this. If I was in this situation I would have left, no ifs ands or butts about it. If it’s like this before your even married I would be extremely worried about the next 50-80 years of your life dealing with this. It’s not going to go away, and in all likelihood it will get worse. Do you really want to be dealing with these same issues every year for the rest of your life? 

    Post # 13
    Member
    1112 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @karak:  “Maybe I’m exaggeratting but these just aren’t normal behaviors”

    UMMMMMM NO.

    You arn’t exaggerating anything, in fact you are under-exaggerating.

    How are you so calm sounding? Why are you still with him?

    Oh hunny, you’re worth SO MUCH MORE than that.  You need to leave. 29 is still so super young and youn deserve to be with someone who loves and respects you.

    This man does not.  And NO MATTER WHAT HE SAYS, he will not stop, because he’s learned that you will forgive and put up with it. Also, he did this to another women who dumped him and DID NOT CHANGE.  Telling yourself he could still change for you is sticking your head in the sand.

    Also, calling his mum over when you have fights? HELL TO THE NO.

    Is your name on the house?  Sell it, get your half of the $, take all your stuff and leave! 


    Post # 14
    Member
    3442 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @karak:  I usually have some long-winded advice for people, but honestly, I can only say one thing to you: It would be so much better to get out now and start over than live like this for the rest of your life (which I completely think would be the case).

    He may legitimately have sexual and psychological damage relating to childhood trauma (be it emotional or physical), but that doesn’t excuse him treating you this way. There is no way you can, or should, trust him. And even if nothing else happened except what you actually KNOW (doubtful) that would still be enough for me to run for the hills.

    Please, please, please get out. It is not feasible to hope that you can ever be happy in this relationship. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    654 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Don’t walk, Run!  This guy is bad news. It is better to start over now at 29, then to possibly start over at 35 (Possibly with an STD)! 

    Post # 16
    Member
    394 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    I would leave- NOW.  None of this is worth it.  Let me tell you a quick story…

    When I was 25, I fell in love- hard & fast. I got pregnant, quick.  I got married after our baby was born.  Everything went down hill.  I got pregnant again.  I wanted my marriage to work.  I didn’t want to give up.  I saw glimmers of the man I loved.  I decided I had to leave, for my girls sake.  Three years later, he got arrested and is in prison for 20+ years for 6 counts of sexual assault.

    I am engaged now to an amazing man.  I couldn’t be happier.

    It’s not too late to turn things around.  Life is short.  Be with people who make you happy and who genuinely love you.  Don’t waste your time.

    Household items can be sold & split up.  You will figure out the house.  Your time can never be replaced.  You can’t get it back.  Do what’s best for you, and the rest will work itself out.

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