Post # 1
I dearly love my boyfriend, but our senses of humor are completely opposite of one another. Mine’s incredibly dry and his is very slapstick.
I tell myself it’s a good thing because he can make me laugh and it will be something that I will appreciate as we grow older and have children.
However, a lot of the time it annoys me and gets on my nerves. I find myself rolling my eyes at him or keeping a complete straigt face while he’s doing something silly that he thinks is funny and I just don’t find humorous at all.
He has 2 pictures of himself on Facebook, one is his butt sticking out of a hotel window and the other one shows off his crack. He thinks these are hilarious. I think they are embarassing.
So, Bees.. my question is, do you think this is a deal breaker, or is it kind of normal? Sense of humor, I think, is a pretty important thing in a relationship.
I am really beginning to question this and don’t want to make a committment if I’m unsure.
Post # 3
I think as you grow older, your FI’s sense of humor might get a little more mature, but if it bugs you to the point that you can’t stand it, you may want to rethink being around him. Part of every relationship is loving most parts of the other person (You don’t have to love the willingness to stick his behind out of a window, for example), and appreciating them for who they are!
Post # 4
LaborOfLove, you bring up very good thinking points. Thank you!
When I take a step back, I have conflicting emotions. On on hand, I see how vibrant he is and I do love and appreciate that part of him becasue I find that most people are more like me. On the other hand, it’s just something I personally don’t find funny most of the time. Does that make sense?
Also, on the rethinking being around him… we live together and are together all the time since our work schedules are the same. I can’t help but think it would be really healthy for us to be apart some evenings throughout the week. Maybe we need to give that a shot!
I mean, other than this one thing, I am completely confident that he is who I want to be with forever. He’s great.
Post # 5
How long have you been a couple? Like, from the time you started dating until now.
I know with me, people who I’ve been in close relationship with in the past (exes and old roommates come to mind), the longer we’re together, the more similar some of those things become.
One of my exes had a really dirty sense of humor, and when we started dating I totally didn’t think it was funny, but the more that I got to know him, the more that I understood it, and eventually developed something of the same. After we broke up, it faded, but it’s still kind of there.
That said, in the time you’ve been together, have you grown to see him as any more (or less?) funny? If less, I’d be worried. Otherwise, sometimes it just takes time to grow into it.
Post # 6
Some space would probably do you both lots of good! Have a girls night and go out without him. Cultivate an interest that doesn’t involve him.
I get a little sick of my husband when I spend every waking hour with him for days on end. We had a huge snowstorm where I live last week and went 11 days at home together. In addition to being stir crazy from staying in our tiny apartment we started to get on one’s another’s nerves. A little space can perk things up and give you some thinking room.
Post # 7
I’ve been in a similar situation. My ex-boyfriend had a very slapstick sense of humor and mine tends to be more dry, like yours. However, he took it to the point where I would often hear the same jokes three days in a row and he wouldn’t respect me when I asked him to stop because he had to finish telling the joke. Also, the longer I was with him, the less humorous I found him. While I will admit that it was a deciding factor in my decision to break up with him, it was not the only reason.
You said that other than this, you love him and want to be with him. With that in mind, it doesn’t sound like a deal breaker, but perhaps just that every once in a while you need your own space, like others have said.
Post # 8
daydreamwanderer… this is a farily new but very serious relationship, going on 10 months. I really feel about the same about it as I did in the beginning. (Maybe a little less funny, unfortunately). However, on a more positive note I’ve noticed myself lightening up a bit, which is great! Maybe, as you said, time will lessen the feelings. I hope so, thank you for your comment!
chelseamorning.. Now that I think about it, the weather is probably really getting to us (mainly me!) as well. We’ve had so much snow! We were so active when the weather was nice and it was great. We both really enjoy the great outdoors. However, I am extremely cold natured and will avoid being outdoors at any cost during these winter months!
Superstitions.. you bring up thoughts when you talk about the retelling jokes. Although that’s not the case, often he wants me to watch Youtube videos or listen to songs. He’s cracking up while I’d really rather not be watching. No fun.. And he usually doesn’t take it too well when I tell him no I don’t want to watch/listen.
Post # 9
There are a lot of things I think are funny that do not amuse my wife… I’ve learned to keep those to myself!
At the same time, I (think I) know what makes her laugh and I try to focus on that style of humor…
Is your SO able to make you laugh? That’s a big factor, I think!
Post # 10
I think it is perfectly normal to have things that you once liked about a person actually become something that you don’t like at all. Our therapist told us that exactly! It’s part of attraction. You might initially be attracted to someone’s sense of humor but years later (or in your case months) this type of humor ends up driving you nuts. It happens to everyone. You just need to ask yourself if you can deal with it and work it out amongst yourselves. How old are you? If he’s a young guy he might mature more over the years.
Post # 11
i had a similar issue with my ex. but my experience was that it was just an indicator that i just wasn’t that into him anymore. my current Fiance has kinda of cheesy humor which causes me to roll my eyes and sometimes thinks is way dumb but its also kinda endearing because i love him so much, so it just makes him cuter. i have however said things to him and been like “okay enough” or “i’ve already heard this joke/story 3 times” and he handles it in a good natured way.
so i’m sure that doesn’t help. but i would think about asking yourself is it really about the sense of humor? or is it a combination of other more significant things? and yes, i think spending a night or two a week apart may be helpful. get some different interests that will allow you to spend time with others (book club, walking group etc).
Post # 12
I think you could let it go easier if he wasn’t pushing you to watch youtube videos of what he finds funny!
Maybe you should talk to him and tell him that you totally think he is a funny guy and that while you don’t appreciate his sense of humor, you appreciate him and want him to laugh at all the funny youtube videos he wants, you just don’t want to get involved with watching them. 🙂 Good luck!
Post # 13
mrbee, he absolutely makes me laugh! That’s why I question my feelings.. A lot of the time I DO think it’s funny, it’s just the times I don’t. I think he has the ability to keep us both young at heart as we grow older, so maybe it’s not such a bad thing? Also, he is ALWAYS bring new movies or tv shows to my attention because he 110% understands my sense of humor and is really trying to foster it, which is great of him. Maybe I need to be more supportive of his since I now realize he is doing that for me. I guess I never put myself in his shoes!
anmariem25, he’s 27, will be 28 this summer, so fairly “grown”… Your comment does make me realize his close group of friends (have been very close since grade school) are mostly single and share his sense of humor. I am sure that has an impact, and also another thing that makes me think as they get older and all have families, his sense of humor will hopefully fade into a more toned town version of what it is now.
andy113, I can totally relate. Sometimes, I do think it’s cute 🙂 And yes, I really do think it’s all his sense of humor, no underlying issue. He is a very mature man on many other levels and honestly, I would not change a singe thing about him other than the toning down of the humor! Also, I love reading… book club, here I come!
LaborOfLove… I have always told him in a snappy way in the moment that I do not enjoy watching them. The idea of sitting him down to talk outside of one of those moments and being sincere and heartfelt about it is such a good idea.
All, the more I think about this, the more I am convincing myself that I CAN deal with it and he IS who I want to spend forever with. THANK YOU for all of your comments, they really made me think about this situation. You brought a lot of outside perspectives that I would have never even thought of! THANK YOU!!