(Closed) Totally lost it yesterday :(

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
847 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2015



Okay, chill. I think you need a take a spot back, relax and breathe. You’re getting yourself worked up into an awful state over nothing really. 




What is the rush to move in with your boyfriend? You guys have been together for two years, and of you’re sure that you want to be together for a lifetime then why do you have to do everything now? 




You said that there’s a nineteen year age difference, and I’m guessing that you’re the one who is nineteen years younger. You said you’ve never had roommates before, or shared a flat. I’m assuming that means that you haven’t lived with a boyfriend? 




I don’t think he’s ready for you to move in with him, and him being apathetic about your future together is his way of telling you that. It’s so important you don’t brush off the signs that he’s clearly not ready for the next step as just ‘him being a man’ because men are also humans with the same emotional range as women.  




This could be a problem financially too. You said that you’d be paying 3/4 of the flatmates’ rent if you moved in. You said yourself you’re worried about finding a job. What if you don’t get one? Who’s going to pay the rent? What if you guys break up and he needs three people ASAP? What then? 


I know it’s difficult to accept that it’s not going to happen soon, because it is frustrating when you feel like you’re so ready you could just burst, but he’s not interested. I know. But I’ve seen so many friends marry apathetic men, only to divorce a few years later because their husbands freak out because all of the cold feet and emotional pressure has finally bubbled to the surface.
It’s not healthy to push a partner into a big step in your relationship.
My advice to you would be to rent a flat with a few other people. Sign a short term lease, six months or a year. See how you like living with other people. Then, if you BOTH feel like you could make it work, talk with your boyfriend about moving in. 


I do feel that if he doesn’t seem to want to talk about a future, you might have a chat abut your relationship and the direction it’s heading in. 

Post # 5
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way.

It might be that your guy is a “perpetual bachelor.” If he is always shooting down every talk you want to have about the future, he may just be happy with dating, but never settling down. Constant rejection will eventually build resentment, and being that you are 27, if you are seriously wanting children, he needs to take your desires seriously. If he can’t have an adult conversation regarding the future, then I would suggest perhaps cutting your losses and moving towards a relationship that is fulfilling for you.

Because honestly, a man that is crazy about a woman and wants to build a future with her isn’t going to make it this difficult on her.

Take care.

Post # 7
66 posts
Worker bee

@MissBettsy:  It can be really hard when u feel brushed off and rejected by ur partner. It sounds like he just has a lot to think about and is maybe, for whatever reason, freaking out. This is something he needs to work out, it’s his issue. You have put urself out there, you’re ready to take the next step. Maybe have a chat to him and work out what his hesitation is. That way u can work together to find a suitable solution as a couple. Who knows, discussing any potential issues might bring u closer together and closer to taking that next step.

Best of luck xx

Post # 8
1404 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Communication is the key. You’re not a mind reader, so go talk to him. It’s the only way you’ll know how he feels and where your relationship is going.

Post # 9
242 posts
Helper bee

I agree with Rinny and Katlovesjames. Talk to him. Ask him what his fears are. Tell him that one day is not a good enough answer for you. You need to know an approximate timeline and if he sees you in his future. It will help to know exactly what his hesitations are and then you can decide if you guys can work on those hesitations or if you won’t be able to stick around because of him being indecisive. My guy is also 46 and never been engaged or married. We are talking marriage and I have reason to believe a proposal might be happening hopefully by the end of the year, but I’m sure the idea of marriage is very foreign to him too and probably has some fears as well since he’s been single for so long but the more we talk about it the more I feel he’s comfortable with the idea and that he’s making progress towards that goal in the near future. Hugs, I hope you have a good talk with him and that you are able to sort this out. It’s not easy!

Post # 12
66 posts
Worker bee

@MissBettsy:  That’s great news!! It definitely goes to show that sometimes u just need to talk it out. Men aren’t mind readers and neither are we. It’s only fair that both sides get their chance to get their feelings out in the open….well done!

Post # 13
242 posts
Helper bee

Yea!!! I’m so glad to hear that! Sometimes that’s all it takes is a good/honest heart to heart so he knows what you really want. Now to keep quiet and let him plan out his thing! Which is what I’m trying to do now. It’s tough!

The topic ‘Totally lost it yesterday :(’ is closed to new replies.

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