- 4 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013
I have just HAD it with my FI! I think there could be many of you who are in the same boat as me, and to be quite honest, I need your comments to know I’m not alone.
It’s not that I talk about wedding related stuff all the time – I don’t! But when something has to be done or planned or dealt with, it’s always me doing everything.
My FI is just lovely – most of the time. He is not anything close to a detailed oriented person, but I swear, he has done next to NOTHING for the wedding. The only thing he did do was FINALLY get his suit last week. That’s it. The wedding is less than 3 weeks away.
When I try to get him to do ANYTHING, he says that he’s had a long day at work and doesn’t have the energy. Excuse me, but I work just as long, and often longer than he does! I’m doing quadruple duty: wedding planning, work, cooking, plus taking care of our pets AND cleaning the house. He works. He’s tired. Poor baby. He takes out the garbage. Standing ovation.
His reasons for his taking a total backseat through this entire planning process is that:
a) my family is bigger and their opinion matters more (not true!)
b) the wedding will be in my hometown, not his, and so I know it better and therefore I should make the decisions (He also doesn’t like having to make trips to my town on weekends because he likes his weekends for relaxation. Ok, so that means it’s totally fine for ME to travel 4 hours there and back??? Think maybe I’d like a little down time too??)
c) I apparently have more time than him to spend working on wedding stuff (I get home before he does, but I leave earlier than he does….still, this translates into me having so much more time. I REGULARLY have work-related tasks to do even after I’m home.)
d) I’m going to do whatever I want so what’s the point in him deciding anything (so very hurtful and not true!)
I have done ALL the correspondance, all the decision making, all the running around, EVERYTHING. You name it, I’ve done it. Setting the date, flowers, invitations, wedding favours, reception, church, readings for the church, dinner, DJ, photography, rings, limo, cake and then all the bridal stuff like my dress, bridesmaids dresses, etc, etc.
Whenever I try to get him to make a decision, his go-to answer is almost always “I don’t know”. If I ask him to do anything like search for a limousine service, he’s too busy or too tired. When I get frustrated, he becomes passive aggressive and blames me for being too picky or tells me that I’m crazy to worry about all this. Seriously????? If I hadn’t taken the lead, I would only have my dress, shoes, and hair and makeup taken care of. Essentially, we’d be two well-dressed people with no wedding party, no officiant, no rings, no license, nothing. I may as well just walk to the justice of the peace in my jeans and t-shirt and get the whole thing over with in a few minutes.
I’ve tried talking to him about my feelings, but he just doesn’t understand that weddings take WORK. They don’t just happen by themselves. They have to be planned. Even the most basic wedding requires some small measure of thought. Our wedding is FAR from extravagant and it will be lovely, even though he’s done next to nothing. I just wish so much that it was a wedding that we BOTH planned. Something that we worked together on as a team, as partners. This one-sided wedding really has me wondering about our married life. Will every responsibility fall on my shoulders? Is this what I should be expecting in the future? What about when we have kids? Will I be saddled with those responsibilities too? Am I alone in this relationship?
What do I do???