Totally unsupportive fiancé….and I'm beyond frustrated.

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Please classify how you and your partner divided up the wedding planning
    I did ALL the work : (43 votes)
    26 %
    I did most of the work : (92 votes)
    55 %
    We worked together on almost everything : (20 votes)
    12 %
    My partner did most of the work : (1 votes)
    1 %
    My partner did ALL the work : (0 votes)
    I had certain tasks and my partner had certain tasks : (10 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 4
    988 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I’ve heard this so many times, I think it’s common. Men don’t plan weddings, kind of just follow what we tell them to do. LOL. He probably feels he did his big part by proposing, now up to you to plan wedding. LOL. Hang in there, you’re not alone.




    Post # 6
    4015 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @Maria444:  I feel for you, I’m in the same boat! Just today I asked him to call the officiant and he told me that I’m better at talking to people and that he doesn’t know her that well! I’ve never met her and its a family friend of HIS family! *facepalm*

    He attended the cake tasting for his cake and will go to our menu tasting next month, but that’s pretty much it! Ive just gotten over it, at least I can do the things that I want to do 🙂 When i ask his opinion he just says “whatever you want babe” or “you’re so creative!”

    at least he’s supportive! I just don’t think men understand how much work goes into a wedding, even the small things. Good luck lady, I’m sure everything will be fabulous! 🙂

    Post # 8
    1826 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    If you are the only one working on the wedding then he needs to take up the slack somewhere else. As for your question about what your marriage will be like…you’re already doing all the cleaning, taking care of pets, etc. That will NOT change unless you work on it now! Time for him to do something!!!

    Post # 9
    89 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I’m so sorry that you’re going through this, I can only imagine how frustrated you must feel. I agree with @Luayne, things will not change unless you both work on it now. I really think you must talk to him about this, calmly and seriously. This can lead up to so much resentment in the future (bigger than the one you currently have), and it’s about time you two work as a couple and sort things out to avoid this situation.

    Post # 10
    1491 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    My FI doesn’t care about the wedding and so he hasn’t done anything either. It hurt a lot at first, but I got used to it. I do ask him to do more of the chores so that I can plan the wedding. 

    Post # 12
    1007 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @Maria444:  I feel your pain! First time I got married, the (ex)H did nothing except rent a tux (like 2 weeks before the wedding, didn’t pick it up til the day before). I was fuming! Everything else I had to do on my own, or enlist my mother’s help with.

    This time around, my mother is over 300 miles away, FI makes similar excuses of having to work, being tired, blah blah blah. So we talked and decided not to have a wedding per se, but get married in front of our parents, and have a reception later. Less stress for both of us.

    Good luck, and we’re here if you need to vent some more! 😉

    Post # 13
    411 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    FI and I have had many moments where we have fought about this. I am sick of telling him to get something done and it goes undone for weeks… HE actually wasted a bunch of my time because of this. I research things.. tell him to get this or that.. but the time I have reminded him 3 or 4 times we cant get what we needed any more.

    I LOVE him to death but he has been driving me insane.. I think he has pulled it together the last couple weeks here. We are so close now we are almost done!

    My boss has asked many times how the wedding planning is going and has told me that his wife and him never faught before or after like they did during the wedding. I am hoping this is true and life will go make to peace once this is over 🙂

    Post # 14
    233 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Hang in there. It sounds very frustrating what you are going through. I do agree that you should get your guy more involved. He needs to do something. Whether its more chores, more financial support, something. Your wedding is less than a month away, so at this point, you just have to deal. You really should put your foot down and ask for help or he will continue this pattern in other areas of your life together.


    Post # 15
    605 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    you’re absolutely NOT alone! I am having trouble also its hard when you want to do it together and they show little interest.  I have heard your number 4 reason also and I agree it is hurtful. He also says things like whats the point of me researching anything anyway you will end up doing it yourself too so whats the point of 2 people doing it.  I would just like him to make some of the vendors calls and so forth – but he just claims I am more detail oriented and he will mess it up.  I still have 11 months though so as we get closer I expect him to help more but I am prepared to face the same struggle you are.

    Post # 16
    2571 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    I can understand the frustration!  I’ve had to ask FI numerous times for simple things that go undone for weeks.  I hate it.  We were good about planning our actual trip and wedding details together (short meetings, etc) but that little stuff DROVE ME NUTS.

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