Post # 1
I need advice on something pretty touchy…
I got engaged this past June, and my future mother-in-law (a seamstress) immediately volunteered to do alterations on my gown. She lives 4 hours away from us, and our wedding location. I was so excited and of course said YES! – obviously a great bonding moment for us!
Then my future sister-in-law, who I have a iffy relationship with at best, got engaged in September and set her wedding date for 4 weeks before my wedding date. Any attention I had been getting from my future in-laws about our wedding has been diverted.
I bought my gown and for the first time in 3 months, my Future Mother-In-Law asked me about alterations on NYD (the *only* question that was asked about our wedding, planning, etc during 2 day visit). I don’t think I want her to alter my dress now – I am feeling as though she no longer has the time to dedicate to my gown since her daughter’s gown will be taking precedence over mine.
This is an extremely senstive subject with my FH. Our wedding is his 2nd and he is beyond defensive of his sister and his family; he thinks the attention given to her is appropriate and thinks I’m being ridiculous about any resentment I feel about his sister. This is my first and only wedding, and want a very special day and want my dress to be amazing for him. Also, my family is out of the picture so his family, is my only family.
Do I bring this up with Fiance or Future Mother-In-Law, or let it go? If I bring it up, I risk a major blowout. If I don’t, I risk bad alterations and resentment for the rest of my life!! Help!
Post # 3
oooh that is a delicate situation! perhaps you could tell a little white lie and say that your dress shop threw in the alterations at no extra cost? you could say you took them up on their offer so that she would have less to worry about with all of the wedding planning going on or something like that. maybe you could make it sound like you did it for her.
best of luck to you! keep us posted!
Post # 4
Argh, this is tough. I’ve just gone through a similar situation with our wedding invites. Sadly there was no way to not hurt feelings in my situation but what would do is sit with your Future Mother-In-Law and explain to her that you loved her offer but as she now has FSIL’s wedding to do is she still ok to do your dress? It sounds like you have a good relationship with Future Mother-In-Law and that gives her the chance to go “oh, I might get really busy so maybe you should go to so-and-so instead” or “no, I’d still love to do it”.
Post # 5
Littlemissmoo is right. Just ask your Future Mother-In-Law outright if she has the time. I’m sure she will admit if she doesn’t because she wants you to be happy as well. You don’t need to indicate that she may not because of the sister. Just say, remember when you offered to do this? Well the dress is coming in on ___ date. Are you still in?
Post # 6
While I think your Fiance is right in that any attention your Future Sister-In-Law is getting is appropriate, I still think you have a legitimate concern. If I were you, I would definitely get another seamstress to do my dress. It’s all in the phrasing. I would just let Future Mother-In-Law know that I was doing her a favor by releasing her from the obligation so that she could focus soley on her daughter’s upcoming wedding.
On a side note…I may be alone in this, but I find it odd that your Future Sister-In-Law set her date 4 weeks before you guys knowing that your date was already set. It wouldn’t seem odd if this was a family friend, or a friend of either of you guys, but it seems weird that a sibling would schedule the wedding so close to yours.
Post # 7
I agree with JamaicaBride. I think you should just go to another seamstress because your Mother-In-Law might not admit that handling two dresses would be too much. And I also agree that it is sort of strange that she just happened to choose a month before yours and a shorter engagement.
Post # 8
Future Sister-In-Law admitted to me (drunkenly) that she was VERY jealous of our October wedding date because she had always dreamed of a fall wedding. She also asked her brother to please move our wedding date because the venue she wanted was only available on our date – he obviously said no, but not before running it past me first.
I guess she chose 4 weeks before ours to get as close to October as possible, without having to wait 24 months to get married. Without defending her or agreeing with her, I understand her logic – I wouldn’t want to wait 2 years, either. But if I was in her shoes, I would have figured something else out.
At this point, I’m hoping I can let the resentment go. It helps SO much to hear from you all that you think it’s odd about her engagement/wedding date – makes me feel like less of a selfish person. Thank you!!
Post # 9
… I’ve always wanted a winter wedding. They’re absolutely beautiful and cozy and just… gorgeous. I’m having an August wedding. Dead summer, dead heat. It’s going to awesome because its mine, but it seems a little selfish of his sister.
I’d go to another person for alterations without bothering to ask. If she asks, just tell her you didn’t want to burden her with them after finding out she was going to be MOB!
Post # 10
Awww hun…Im sorry…I would go with another seamtress tho.
Post # 11
To show your support of your Future Sister-In-Law, you should approach your Future Mother-In-Law and tell her that you were flattered that she had offered to alter your dress, but given that she now has added MOB duties, that you will understand if she does not have time to alter our dress.
Oops. I just saw KMSull’s response. I think hers is better. If Future Mother-In-Law in law asks, just tell her you didn’t want to increase her pressure. Plus, you admit that she’s kind of far away. MOB duties are always more stressful than MOG duties!