So, I have a dilemma… It’s coming down to the point that I need to order my girls dresses and the issues is that I’m not sure if one of them is going to be able to be in it and I don’t know how to ask… It’s a delicate situation… Here’s the back story… about a month ago her husband (they have 2 kiddos) died the day after their wedding anniversary very unexpectedly… She’s not really talking to anyone outside of the family but she likes all the pics we post on facebook and answers some texts and when i do happen to see her in public she talks to me, but i’m just not sure that she is going to be able to be my bridesmaid… I dont know how to even ask… My wedding is quickly approaching… I have a little over four months to go and need to order their dresses soon, any ideas?
@Waterbee: I would call her and ask if she can meet for coffee or lunch. Then talk about it while you’re there.
@Waterbee: Can you go visit her or call her on the phone to talk to her? Make sure you ask how she’s doing and really listen, don’t just jump into your wedding. Then tell her that you know it’s probably the last thing on her mind right now, but you need to order your BM dresses soon. Then tell her that you understand that it may be difficult for her to participate and you completely understand if she’s prefer to attend as a guest rather than BM.
That way, you put the ball in her court so she can decide to drop out or not.
Yeah I would approach it from a place of concern and being that being in your wedding will cause her undue stress and give her a chance to decline if she doesn’t seem to think it will be ok.
She has just lost the love of her life. Your wedding is the last thing on her mind. And now is not the time to bring it up. Order the dress anyway.
What’s the worst that can happen? That she’d rather not be in the wedding and you’ve lost a little money.
But if you don’t order her dress, the worst that can happen is really bad: you will have hurt a grieving friend.
I would definitely reach out to her. But I think you have to build back up communication before bringing up the wedding.
I understand that the wedding is not the first thing on her mind and honestly that’s why I dont even want to bring it up (why I have not just came out and asked her) and the money side of it is not an issue… The only thing is… I dont like the “uneven” look of the wedding party and I guess now would be the time to start looking for a back up…. I’m not heartless… I understand that she just lost the love of her life and I cannot even begin to imagine how she can even begin…
I would go ahead and order the dress anyway, and I understand not wanting things to be uneven, but she is a close friend, I would not replace her if she decides not to be in the wedding.
@Jacqui90: +1. Doing the right thing and standing by a friend who has just been through something this horrible and heart-wrenching is way more important than having even sides. Please don’t replace her. And I’d try to make an effort to reach out to her…like PPs said, ask her to lunch, or if that’s too tricky with the kids, go over and visit for her. Your BMs should be your closest friends, so be there for her!