(Closed) Tough Choices

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: If you HAD to choose...could you?
    I would choose spouse/self and rebuild : (50 votes)
    79 %
    I would choose unborn baby : (6 votes)
    10 %
    I could never choose : (7 votes)
    11 %
  • Post # 4
    2416 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Honestly, I don’t think you can actually answer this question until you are in this situation. Every  mother I know would disagree with your statement whole-heartedly. Being pregnant opens and entire different dimension to your life and fills you with a love you didn’t even know existed. This love is different than your love for SO, but much, much deeper…and in turn, it makes your connection to your SO that much deeper as well. I’ve never been pregnant but I am a nurse and have seen numerous births…and nothing compares to the feeling that even I get the first time parents see thier child, nothing. Most people won’t ever have to make this decision, but I’m willing to put money on the fact that if the decision needed to be made, you would probably feel differently.


    Post # 5
    10714 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Being a momma I put my son before everything all the time.

    However if I was dying due to a pregnancy I think I’d try and do anything I could to live for my already born son and save myself over the unborn child.

    Post # 6
    334 posts
    Helper bee

    As a woman without any children, I agree with you OP.

    I really hope I am never in that situation, but if I was, I would choose my partner over my unborn child. I feel so cruel and harsh saying this, but I really hope at the time I could think logically (possibility of more children, but would never be able to find another DP).

    I would imagine some people would struggle to get over the loss of their partner, while others would struggle to get over the loss of their child.

    Bit of a catch-22.

    Post # 7
    515 posts
    Busy bee

    I’m also with you, OP. I understand that it would be an extremely tough decision to make and I hope to never be in that situation. I know it sounds harsh, and I don’t want to offend anyone, so I’ll apologize in advance… but I would rather not have a child than not have my Fiance and he feels the same.

    Post # 8
    3978 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I think there are too many variables for me to say what I would always choose.

    I would consider the continuing health of each individual. Would this ordeal cause one of them to be disabled or otherwise hurt their quality of life.

    Who would the child have to take care of it with the mother gone? Does the father have a support system or is he all alone? Is he able to care for a child mentally/emotionally/economically without his spouse?

    How much does this child mean to them. Were they infertile up to this point and this is the only child in the family and long awaited or do they have 5 other kids and not enough money to even support them?

    You know what I mean, there are just so many scenarios that trying to give a rule of thumb is almost useless.

    I have no desire to have children so the chances of me ever being in this situation are almost nil. I think I’d chose the mother 60/40 over the child based on quality of life.

    Post # 9
    1370 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    If it was a guarantee that one of us would live, I’m sure my fiancé would chose me over the child. I don’t think it’s heartless, it’s a matter of practicality. The reasoning would be that we may have another child, but he’s not going to get another me. I don’t think that makes thinking about it any easier though. What a sad thing to think about.

    Post # 10
    13099 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    @thursdayschild:  “The reasoning would be that we may have another child, but he’s not going to get another me.”

    I agree.  If I was going to die because of my pregnancy, I’d save myself before the unborn child.  It doesn’t mean it would be easy but we can have another child.  If I die, Darling Husband can’t get another me.

    Post # 11
    2106 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I’m having an abortion if we get pregnant ever, which makes this question really easy to answer. 

    Post # 12
    1643 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2015

    I don’t have children, but I can say right now that if my Fiance and I were in this situation, and it was either me or the foetus, we would both choose me to live.  I don’t think it’s fair to leave a daddy with a baby, or a baby without a mummy.  Obviously not everyone gets a choice, and that is sad, sad, sad….  in that situation it’s better one party lives than the guy is left alone.

    Post # 13
    645 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Just asked the manfriend. Quick response: “You. I would never want to live without you. We could have another baby.” and then “Never ask that again, that was sad.”

    Post # 14
    875 posts
    Busy bee

    I would choose to keep the baby living and hope for the best outcome for both of us.  I’m not saying life without a momma isn’t hard, but it’s still life.  I really hope it never becomes a worry.  I have had friends who have had situations in which there really wasn’t a choice but rather no other options for survival for either and I don’t know what I’d do…  other than PRAY!

    The topic ‘Tough Choices’ is closed to new replies.

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