Post # 1
I still remember one of the very first conversations my FH and I had where I couldnt help but believe he was the one. We were watching some stupid soap opera drama crap where the woman in question had developed some health issue caused by her labor/pregnancy etc….the details get fuzzy. Long story short, the mother and the husband/SO/partner whatever had to decide who got to live. Now, we’d only been dating a month or two, but it struck me as critically important that we DISCUSS.
I have ALWAYS been a firm believer that my partner will always, always, ALWAYS come first, and that there may or may not be another baby, but there will NEVER be another Mr. Given this situation, I would choose to live and fight another day, and I would choose the same for my spouse. I’ve always felt terribly guilty and terrified to tell a SO about it for fear that he think I would place my life or his above an innocent (which I guess is what it essentially boils down to.)
To my surprise, before I could even say anything, the proverbial light shone from the heavens and he turned to me with the voice of an angel and says…. “I just want you to know, that if we were in this situation, I would choose you over the baby.” Glory, hallelujuh. I’m not alone! What a huge sense of relief!
I understand that in the “throes of motherhood”, everything changes, and no one can truly know what they would do until they are forced to make the choice.
But Bees, what do you think? Are my FH and I doomed to hell? What would you choose? Have you or someone you know had to make this decision?
Post # 3
Bump…I really am interested in yalls honest opinions. Lay it on me!
Post # 4
Honestly, I don’t think you can actually answer this question until you are in this situation. Every mother I know would disagree with your statement whole-heartedly. Being pregnant opens and entire different dimension to your life and fills you with a love you didn’t even know existed. This love is different than your love for SO, but much, much deeper…and in turn, it makes your connection to your SO that much deeper as well. I’ve never been pregnant but I am a nurse and have seen numerous births…and nothing compares to the feeling that even I get the first time parents see thier child, nothing. Most people won’t ever have to make this decision, but I’m willing to put money on the fact that if the decision needed to be made, you would probably feel differently.
Post # 5
Being a momma I put my son before everything all the time.
However if I was dying due to a pregnancy I think I’d try and do anything I could to live for my already born son and save myself over the unborn child.
Post # 6
As a woman without any children, I agree with you OP.
I really hope I am never in that situation, but if I was, I would choose my partner over my unborn child. I feel so cruel and harsh saying this, but I really hope at the time I could think logically (possibility of more children, but would never be able to find another DP).
I would imagine some people would struggle to get over the loss of their partner, while others would struggle to get over the loss of their child.
Bit of a catch-22.
Post # 7
I’m also with you, OP. I understand that it would be an extremely tough decision to make and I hope to never be in that situation. I know it sounds harsh, and I don’t want to offend anyone, so I’ll apologize in advance… but I would rather not have a child than not have my Fiance and he feels the same.
Post # 8
I think there are too many variables for me to say what I would always choose.
I would consider the continuing health of each individual. Would this ordeal cause one of them to be disabled or otherwise hurt their quality of life.
Who would the child have to take care of it with the mother gone? Does the father have a support system or is he all alone? Is he able to care for a child mentally/emotionally/economically without his spouse?
How much does this child mean to them. Were they infertile up to this point and this is the only child in the family and long awaited or do they have 5 other kids and not enough money to even support them?
You know what I mean, there are just so many scenarios that trying to give a rule of thumb is almost useless.
I have no desire to have children so the chances of me ever being in this situation are almost nil. I think I’d chose the mother 60/40 over the child based on quality of life.
Post # 9
If it was a guarantee that one of us would live, I’m sure my fiancé would chose me over the child. I don’t think it’s heartless, it’s a matter of practicality. The reasoning would be that we may have another child, but he’s not going to get another me. I don’t think that makes thinking about it any easier though. What a sad thing to think about.
Post # 10
@thursdayschild: “The reasoning would be that we may have another child, but he’s not going to get another me.”
I agree. If I was going to die because of my pregnancy, I’d save myself before the unborn child. It doesn’t mean it would be easy but we can have another child. If I die, Darling Husband can’t get another me.
Post # 11
I’m having an abortion if we get pregnant ever, which makes this question really easy to answer.
Post # 12
I don’t have children, but I can say right now that if my Fiance and I were in this situation, and it was either me or the foetus, we would both choose me to live. I don’t think it’s fair to leave a daddy with a baby, or a baby without a mummy. Obviously not everyone gets a choice, and that is sad, sad, sad…. in that situation it’s better one party lives than the guy is left alone.
Post # 13
Just asked the manfriend. Quick response: “You. I would never want to live without you. We could have another baby.” and then “Never ask that again, that was sad.”
Post # 14
I would choose to keep the baby living and hope for the best outcome for both of us. I’m not saying life without a momma isn’t hard, but it’s still life. I really hope it never becomes a worry. I have had friends who have had situations in which there really wasn’t a choice but rather no other options for survival for either and I don’t know what I’d do… other than PRAY!