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I'm sorry you're going through this - it sounds really stressful.
It sounds a bit like your husband isn't on board with this plan at all. It sounds like he's going back to school and working part time begrudgingly. I can understand if he's frustrated because of his business slowing down and being out of work so maybe that's the root of it. But was there another option that he would have been happier with (other than going back to school and working part time)?
I think you're going about this the right way - being more equitable in how you manage things in the house and how the budget is managed - but has he said anything about why he doesn't want to do things the way you've suggested?
You're definitely right to want to address any of this as soon as you can - it's only fair to both of you to figure out how your household is going to work.
I'm sorry I don't have any advice but I wish you lots of luck and I hope some of the bees have better ideas than me!
Thanks for the support.
"But was there another option that he would have been happier with (other than going back to school and working part time)?"
No, the business has been slow for over a year now (some jobs coming in but barely making enough to may the minimum on bills month to month). I really just can't think of where to turn from here.
"Has he said anything about why he doesn't want to do things the way you've suggested?"
The only reason is that he says he doesn't think that way or doesn't know how. When we talked about him being in charge of paying the bills from now on he said "Welll you'll have to tell me when they are all due", its not that hard, pay before the date on the statement. Plus all the bills are already set up to be paid online (which I have shown him how to do twice). All you have to do is open the bill, enter the amount online, and file the bill away marked paid.
It more gets into the budgeting and saving. He was never raised to budget or save and so it really comes down to he doesn't know how.
Yes now that you aren't picking flower colors and menu options, there are real decisions you have to make together that will affect both of you.
Honestly, the biggest thing you both need to do is compromise. You can both lecture each other about why YOUR way is right until you're blue in the face, but it will just leave the other person frustrated and unhappy. For example, if the compromise is for him to pick up more chores around the house, he should be able to do them how he sees fit which may not necessarily be the same way you would have done them.
If he is paying the bills, ask him how you can help get him set up to start doing this. Whether it be buying a calendar and marking off the dates, setting up his Bberry to give off alerts or whatever, that way you aren't just shoving it onto his plate but slowly transitioning him then relinquishing all control.
@caszos: It seems like he's making excuses to not have to do the budgeting/bill payment. Anyone who is an adult should be able to learn how to do it. He's just opting out by making it more work for you.
Being an adult, paying bills and working isn't fun but he needs to realize that it's just something he has to do. I'm worried if you do it for him then he may pass other responsibilities on to you. Getting married doesn't mean you have someone there to do things for you, it means you work as a team, but both people have responsibilities.
@camrie: This is somewhat my fear because this is how he was raised. His mom (love her to death) did everything for them. Need to set up car insurance, sure she'll make the call for you.
I'm just frustrated that these aren't things that I like to do or what to do, I do them because I'm an adult and I have to do them.
@moderndaisy: Your right about compromise. I am just worried that with the budget if we do it "his way" we will never plan or save for anything. We just need to spend some time to sit down and talk about a way that he can do it but still makes me comfortable that we have money in the bank.
I'm not taking sides; I'm just trying to give you perhaps his perspective on things since I was once the student in the house while my FI was the sole breadwinner.
Yes, you both need to pull your own weight, but you will run into a lot of problems once you start ordering around your husband on the basis of what you see as "sweat equity." Yes, you earn the money, but that doesn't mean you suddenly get the right to dictate how household chores are split up. I would really resent it if my FI came to me and said, "Well now that you're in school, you should really do all the housework and the budgeting." I don't think that's fair and it implies that my work as a student isn't as important as my FI's job. True, being a student didn't earn me more than a graduate stipend (which is peanuts), but it WAS still hard work--timewise it was a job and between the TAing and the papers and the exams, it didn't leave a lot of free time.
I second the comment that you need to work as a team--but that means that you need to sit down with him, explain all the things that have to be done and then come up with a solution TOGETHER, which means he gets to have input on how he wants to contribute. In my relationship with my FI we actually do a lot of chores together--I'll do the dishes while he cleans the stove; we'll open mail and pay bills while we watch TV together. We figured out that for us, we weren't very keen on having discrete "jobs" for each-other. That may or may not be you guys, but either way, this has to be something that you talk about and reach a conclusion together.
@caszos: I totally understand what you are going thru. My husband has been in retail most of his life. He loves what he was doing, but couldn't get promoted. He was stuck where he was. So we talked about him finishing school, getting his business degree, then working toward "running" a retail store - which is what he would love to do.
He went to a part time job while he was in school, and when the econ. got bad, they dumped him. That was two years ago, and he has had an AWFULLY difficult time finding any work since. He did some work for his parents for a few months when they were renovating their house - but that was it. He has been applying for retail jobs, just to get back in the business, but no one has hired him. I have been at 80% of my salary for almost 2 years now, and we are getting to the point where we REALLY need him to get some work. We haven't saved a penny, other than paying for wedding stuff in 2 years! But he's not super motivated to find work.
For him, its not about not wanting to work, but more about the effort that he has put in so far, resulting in nothing.. he's getting tired of the job search.
He is also not totally involved in the finances. I have tried to engage him, when paying bills to sort of talk to him about how much things cost every month, but he has no interest.
Our goal is to get to a point where we are both contribuiting to a joint account. The bills get paid from it, and the extra gets split into savings.. but we are a long way off from there.
My best advice is be SUPER supportive. It always helps my husband when I give him ideas, or talk to him about what's going on in school. And then when he is able to start contributing again, engage him with where his money is going, what it's being used to pay for, and how much easier things are with that extra money.
@JennyW1: I am trying SO hard to support him as a student, however, he is still earning his AA degree which means he's in lower level courses. He is very bright which means he doesn't have to study much. He's only taking 12 hours on 2 days a week. He doesn't have any papers, not a TA, just some quick worksheets for homework and the tests.
I have no earthy idea what he does for the 10 hours a day I am at work on M, W, F. I assume that he watches tv and searches the internet (which I now is true but to what extent I don't know). All I know is that I come home and there are still dishes in the sink, laundry isn't done etc. It would just be nice to have the help. I am all about sharing chores, I am not trying to "dump" this onto him but I need him to show me that he is willing to help me out and contribute to this "family" (beyond the 20 hours per week at school).
I am not saying I want to start saving up millions right now, but I do worry about the future. Living month to month is what gets you in trouble. If we don't plan for our upcoming expenses and work towards them now, how will they get paid when its time.
I'm just so frustrated its really hard to see his perspective since I'm so emotional.
Budgeting is hard, that's for sure.
What really helped my husband and I is taking a financial planning course as part of our premarital counseling. It really helped us get on the same page with our ideas on money and budgeting and how to handle debt, bills, and saving. It's seriously been a life saver so far. I don't know if I'm allowed to put info like this up here (I'm not in any way affiliated with this program, other than we did it and it works for us!) but we did Financial Peace University class by Dave Ramsey at a local church. It's a 12 or 13 week video/discussion class. Just google it and you can probably find a course in your area! It's not a quick fix, but it really, really helped our marriage.
Not sure what the official statistics are regarding this, but they do say that money is the number one problem among most married couples. Especially when two people have been raised so differently, it can be tough to make those ideas of what to do with money and how to spend money coincide. I really would recommend taking some sort of class together on money management. If you live near a college, a lot of times the business department will offer classes or a lot of banks will sometimes do something like that. I would really encourage this. Explain to your husband why you feel that saving and spending money wisely is so important. Maybe try setting goals with his, like if you are trying to buy a house or whatever the case may be. That may help him see the bigger picture.
@caszos: I'm not saying that you're not right to seek for a greater contribution from him because you are. The problem is that you're so invested in seeing things based on what's "equitable" without realizing that you're defining "equity" solely on your terms. You have to let go of what you think your husband SHOULD be doing and concentrate on the best way of compromising to solve the problems. And the solution is likely to look different from the way you're currently thinking is "equitable" in your head (which right now sounds like, "I go to work; you do the housework"). When you say, "there are dishes in the sink and the laundry isn't done" it has the tone of you sitting down together and you saying something awfully close to "Okay, here are my demands:" I'm just cautioning you to make sure that you don't let your frustration lead you down that path because it's not going to go well--he'll feel like you're his mommy rather than his partner. Focus on divvying up all those adult chores in a way that makes BOTH of you comfortable and happy.
PS: If it IS a lot of TV & Internet and a lack of motivation to deal with day-to-day minutia then this can be signs of depression (a lot of depressed people have difficulty with things like paying bills, doing things on time, cleaning etc.)--which is entirely possible with all the stuff going on with his job. And that may also play into why he's not keen on doing the budgeting because it may be painful for him to see that he's not the one earning the money. Just an FYI so you can keep an eye out for him.
@JennyW1: I totally agree with what your saving but I just don't know how else to approach the subject besides saying, "I went to work for 10 hours today, what can you do to help me out".
I really do think that he may be on the verge of suffering from depression but I also think its his nature to just ignore problems.
@lindseyrose: I have looked a lot into the Dave Ramsey segment and I really like what he has to say. We are really lucky that we have very small amounts of debt (house, 1 truck, and my $6k student loan). Was the session better about talking about regular budgeting or more just about getting out of debt? We have already started the "envelope" system and its working really well to not let us spend more than we have especially since money is tight. Problem is, if I hand the budgeting over to him I"m not sure he would keep up with it.
It sounds like he's lazy. Sure, he could have depression or some other ailment, but since you mentioned that his mother did everything for him, he may be expecting or assuming you'll do everything for him, too.
I don't blame you for being upset. I, personally would talk to him again and tell him you aren't happy with this arrangement and changes need to be made. But I wouldn't say, "You don't do this...you do this"...in a firm, but friendly tone. Good luck!
I'll second that honestly, he seems lazy. It is in no way acceptable to sit around on your ass for 3 full days every week when there are things around the house that need to get done. Should he have to spend all day cleaning because you're working and he's not? No! But he can put his dishes away/in the dishwasher and he could throw in a load of laundry every once in a while and run the vacuum every so often. Honestly, that's asking very little.
I think he is truly being very disrespectful to you as he seems to think that it is okay for you to not only earn all the money for the houeshold, but pay all the bills, do all the cleaning, work out all the budgets, etc. Does he do anything productive besides his 20 hours of school a week?
There are two classes dedicated to debt in the Financial Peace course--one on getting out of debt, and one on dealing with creditors. The rest of the lessons deal with relating to your spouse with money (right up your alley!), budgeting, marketing and how it effects your spending, insurance, finding great deals, investing, retirement, real estate, and giving. Not going to lie, he does put a big focus on getting our of debt, but it's not ALL the class is about. We skipped a couple of classes we didn't feel like apllied to us right now, so you could too!
When you take the class you also have access to online budgeting forms that are super helpful.
Dave recommends having regular "budget committee meetings" so you and your husband have to talk about your money and agree on the budget. He talks alot about helping "nerds" and "free spritis" unite when it comes to the budget.That lesson might be especially helpful for you guys.
My cousin and her husband were seriously struggling wiht money a while back (he was laid off, she was supporting them) and she breaks into tears every time she talks about what a blessing Financial Peace was to them. They fought about money all the time and going through the class really helped them get on the same page. It changed their lives so much that now they teach a Financial Peace class!
I think the most important thing about having a budget when you're married is having a plan--for now, and the future so that you're prepared. I don't know the best way you can relate to your husband on this, but I agree--something has to change. Good luck!
You can find a class here.
Honestly, he needs to step up. Sorry if that sounds harsh. After the honeymoon DH and I decided together that I would quit my job and start looking for a new one. Luckily, DH has a good job and we have money in savings so I have some time to look, and I've already been on a few interviews and am waiting to hear back! Anyway, my point is, that while I'm not working/contributing financially to the family, I'm doing more of the household chores. DH still pays all the bills because he's an accountant and that's his strong suit, but I make more of an effort to make sure the house is clean, errands are done, etc. Simply because I have more time. I think you need to sit down with your husband and let him know that you two are a team and need to work together. It's logical that since he has more free time, he has more time to do things around the house that benefit you both. Sure, he'd love to spend a ton of time on the internet or watching TV, but he does need to pitch in. It's simply not fair for you to come home from working all day and he have done nothing around the house if he has free time.
It seems like you're in a tough situation. As a student, though, I do feel for your husband as well. I've definitely had semesters where I was in class for less than 12 hours a week - but writing papers, doing the reading, and all of that stuff took more than 40 hours a week. It's really easy for that labor to be invisible, but it needs to count.
As for dividing up household labor, can I suggest that you play to your strengths a bit more? If he is not good at budgeting, can you keep doing that and find a different way for him to increase his contribution? For example, maybe he takes on the cooking and cleaning. In the long term, yes, he should also be on top of budgeting and saving. But it sounds like getting there might be a longer project, and trying to make it happen ASAP is only adding to your stress.
I agree with PPs that it may be best to divide labor according to strengths, with you handling bill payment and budgeting and him doing housework.
That being said, I also think your husband needs to get his act together, and I would be pretty frustrated if I were in your shoes. Compromise is all well and good, but there's a difference between, "Please do the dishes and take out the trash because I work and don't have time," and "Please do the dishes in X way and bundle the trash Y way." Sounds like you're asking him to take on some pretty basic tasks and he's dragging his feet.
And it's not about money. It's about time. You're not ordering him around because your salary is larger, you're asking himto contribute to the running of your mutual home (where he also lives) because there are only 24 hours in a day and you shouldn't have to spend all of them either cleaning, erranding, budgeting or working. My husband does almost all of our housekeeping not because I have a paycheck and he doesn't, but because the 45+ hours I'm in an office don't allow much leisure time and he'd rather we spend it together than hang out on the couch watching me sweep.
Thanks so much for all the input, you guys are making me feel SOOOO much better. I don't feel like I am crazy or out of line any more and I feel like I maybe have some good solutions to come to the table with.
@lindseyrose: I will look into the classes and also see if I can re-read the column about "nerds" and "free-spirits" uniting. I also think the budget meetings would be very helpful for us to have a dedicated time to sit down together to look things over.
@historienne: We may need to talk about divinding up the tasks he wants to do. It doesn't really do either of us good if he doesn't want to do the budget and I am going to get upset when he doesn't do it "my" way. He already voluntarily cuts the grass but maybe I will also see if there are other tasks that he would enjoy doing and would voluntarily take on.
@teaadntoast: This is the final point that I am hoping he will see. I would love to have Saturday's free of laundry if he could just get most of it done during the week (he doesn't do my work clothes, but everything else could be done).
I am just really scared at how quickly this is impacting our relationship. I have already snapped at him for a few things that weren't huge deals and would have normally let slide.
While I can see you are super frustrated, I want to caution you to be careful about his feelings. My guy was out of work for a few months at the start of last year. I would come home and find him sprawled out on the couch watching bad TV with an empty bag of cheetos next to him. And I wanted to kill him a lot of the time. But really, I can see now how awful a time it was for him. He is a pretty traditional guy, and the idea of us living off of my salary alone made him feel like a failure. When work picked back up for him, things improved a ton. And then I was out of work for a few months. Then I REALLY understood how easy it is to waste a day/week/month at home feeling crappy about your situation.
I agree with the previous poster. I KNOW that my husband is somewhat depressed that he can't contribuite, and hasn't been able to for a while. I think that takes a lot of pep out of his step... so I try to remind myself of that too. It's not that he wants to be unemployed.
This sucks and is so hard to deal with. MY FI was unemployed for a year (we live together so share bills and expenses). We also grew up in very different houses, mine single parent and broke, his much more well off. It wasn't that he wouldn't budget, the concept was just totally foreign to him. Plus he felt incredibly guilty that I was working and he wasn't. You husband might be feeling a combo of guilt and unmanliness, not only is he not working but hes doing "women's/housewife" stuff at home.
I found the following conversation helpful:
What do you want our life to look like? Is a clean house important to you? What sort of things do you want to have (vacations, own a home, have saving)? What do you see my role as? what do you see your role as? Explain to him what you want and WHY (I want to set a budget so we can save money for a trip or new furniture or whatever, be specific).
I think you need to understand what eachother's goals are and how you see your family. It was mind blowing to me that FI didn't not do the dishes because he didn't feel like it, he just genuinely doesn't notice them. They don't bother him. When I asked him to do them (specifically, not as a general thing) he does them and doesn't complain, but he will never think of it himself. Same with making the bed. He might just not have the same expectations as you.
Good luck
@Ella1978: Yea, I am totally not blaming him for not being able to find a job right now. I just really need him to at least help a little bit.
@caszos: Oh totally agree. I had to tell my husband last weekend that he needed to start getting a little more serious about the job search. I gave him a list of places to call/apply, and have reminded him to do so more than once. He is not lazy. I def. think that the time off has made him a LITTLE lax, but mostly I think it's a feeling of helpless-ness, and useless-ness.
We're going through a very similar situation. We moved halfway across the country where we don't know anyone at all within 400 miles for me to attend grad school. Now I'm starting a job to support us because he still has no job. I already have scholarships, grants, and financial aid that has helped us so far and will continue to support us, but we're getting close to breaking even now with no spending or saving money. We had a serious reality check conversation yesterday to discuss just how much effort needs to be done now to provide the future we both want. I had to have a tough talk about how his full time job needs to be either getting a paying job or picking up the slack at home. When I started giving him specifics on how much it costs for a home down payment and having 1 child, I think it began to hit him how much we need to do.
@Miss Peach Tree: Setting life goals is really what is concerning me. Like I said, we can pay the bills month to month but where is that getting us in life. It isn't helping to save for the future.
Here are some of the goals we have discussed and a few more I have thought of:
$2,000 Emergency fund (To cover things like a trip to the ER, vehicle accident, etc).
2 month salary reserve for me (if I were to loose my job, we could pay the bills for two more months).
Vacation - $200 per month if possible to allow for one trip per year. Travel was really important to us and something we really both enjoy.
Retirement - I would like to start with saving 5-8% and move up to 10% if possible (when he gets a job).
New furniture in the next year $1,000
Health costs - roughly $500 per year
Vehicle replacement (per Dave Ramsey) - $100 per month
His tuition and book expense for spring $1,500
Saving for a baby (3 years or so?)
my hubby and i have been dealing with a version of this too, although a little switched around (i just started a phd program last month with a small stipend but huge workload while he makes way more money but works from home; aka, i'm in school but need him to pick up the slack at home since he's there and his work takes less mentai energy...). it's been a frustrating month, but my hubby is on board with helping out more, though he doesn't always know what needs to be done, and i feel like telling him what to do is nagging, and i don't want to do that. coming up with a "to do" list together really helped us out. it sounds cheesy, but thinking of us as a "team" working together to make sure things get done really helps.
I think that's a great list of goals. I see that you mention Dave, who I love. I found his Total Money Makeover incredibly helpful. Get it from the library. It's an amazing must read. It sort of the step by step game plan of how to work towards your goal (if you haven't read it yet). Everyone I know who has read it get really fired up about it, maybe your husband will, too.
If you and your husband are on the same page with financial goals, have a talk about how you want to reach them. In our house, we set savings goals, and everytime we reach one we get a present. A big one, like a weekend trip, because sometimes living on a budget sucks the fun out of everyday.
Regarding the house stuff and chores, maybe you should make a list of the stuff you think needs to be done everyday and have him make one too. Compare the lists and agree to what should be on the daily/weekly/monthly lists, and then divy them up. That way you aren't asking him to do it all, and he doesn't feel like he's being told what to do and you are both responsible for how your house functions.
On a final note: Everyone hates being in charge of the budget and bill paying. It is depressing, especially when you are worried about money. Pick one night a month, sit down, pay them all together, enter the info in your buget sheet, and then have a beer. That way no one is dealing with all the pressure and depression of bill paying. That's how my parents (mom and stepdad) have done it for 10 years, and that's how we do it.
@Miss Peach Tree: Thats a great idea to sit down and do the budget together. Even though I don't mind "crunching the numbers" I think it would take some pressure off of me if we did it together.
I have read Dave's book but we are just stressed trying to decide on goals that we should work towards. When I talk to DH about it, he just says, "whatever" and doesn't give me much input.
I think there are a lot of great tips in this thread, thanks so much! (hopefully others can use some of this as well!)
I was in a somewhat similar situation to yours-- yet not quite so extreme. FH has a job, but he works from 6:30am-3pm everyday, so he is home by 3:15-3:30pm EVERY DAY (plays hockey and video games with his friends). I, however, am a student and have a part time job, and this semester, I end up leaving home in the morning around 7am and getting home around 7pm most days of the week (12 hour days).
My issue was I would get home at 7:30, have homework to do, need to shower and be in bed by 10 so I could do it all over again. Add planning a wedding and dealing with the finances (he makes the money but I deal with the bills), etc, and I had a LOT on my plate (as do you).
So I asked him if he could take other stuff off my plate. I said, I realize you don't want to do the bills or plan the wedding, so can you take something else off my plate? Ie- start helping with the laundry and cleaning the house, bathroom, etc.
So now he helps out because I was able to convey to him how overwhelmed I felt.
Maybe you can calmly explain to him EVERYTHING that you have on your plate? Hopefully he will begin to understand that you're overwhelmed and start helping out more.
But I also had to realize that no matter how much I wanted it, he was just NOT going to deal with the bills/ budget in the way that I wanted it to be done. So for me, instead of having him do it his way, I have just decided to take over the bills and do it my way. Not that I enjoy dealing with the bills, but I would rather do it my way than worry if they're getting paid on time or whatever. And to me, it just wasn't worth the fight. So if he cleans the bathroom instead, that's cool with me.
I also think that saving up for so many things right now while your husband does not have a job is a little too financially aggressive. Is it possible to just do what you can on your own as far as saving money, and let him focus on getting a job first? Then once he gets a job, you can revisit the budget together?
@JenniMichele: "I also think that saving up for so many things right now while your husband does not have a job is a little too financially aggressive"
The first two things on that list are completed and totally help my peace of mind. Other things on that list (such as kids) are way far in the future, but I still don't want to ignore that they are going to be things coming up we have to pay for. I'm just not sure how to work those things into the budget.
Dave Ramsey talks about putting as much as you can towards debt and I get that, but we don't have the debt so how do we prioritize our goals?? I understand we can't have everything right now because we are a one income family but I still want to be sure the future needs/goals are being addressed.
I am at peace with DH getting a job. I have prayed about it and feel that it is out of my hands, I really can't worry about it.
You may not be this way, but for me, it REALLY helps me to have a plan. When I'm stressing over something I have no control over (like your husband getting a job), I like to plan what we're going to do when we do have some control (what you're going to do after he gets his job).
So maybe you can discuss with him your goals for after he gets a job. Like for the first couple of months, you're really going to focus on saving for Emergency Fund and for next semesters bills. Then after 6 months or whatever, you're going to focus on saving up 2 months of your salary. And maybe explain to him why saving is SO important to you. He probably doesn't see budgeting/ saving as important as you do, so maybe you can try to get him to understand where you're coming from. Then once he has a job, you have a plan good to go and don't have to worry about having the conversation then, when he's stressed about starting a new job and juggling school.
It really won't change the current situation too much, but it may help to control all the budget/ saving thoughts that are probably racing through your mind.
I'm not sure there's a whole lot that can be done at this point, in regards to the saving/ budgeting.
As far as him helping out with the housework though-- that is something he does have control over and I really hope that he starts helping out.
I don't mean to keep hammering the Dave Ramsey thing--but you asked "we don't have the debt so how do we prioritize our goals??"
Dave has 7 baby steps in Financial Peace--and it sounds like you two have knocked out the first two which are having a $1000 emergency fund and paying off debt. After that, he recommends have 3-6 months expenses in an emergency fund to cover losing a job, illness, etc (baby expenses could be included there?). Baby step 4 is investing (we're counting saving for a down payment in this step), 5 is saving for your kids college, 6 is paying off your house early, and 7 is building wealth and giving.
My hubs and I are on baby step 3 right now--building up that emergency fund! Then we're saving for a house. I think it's totally individual, but hope that helps! We're a one income family too because he went back to school this fall... So it's all going to take us a while... Ah, money.
I understand your pain. My husband and I were a one income household for the first year of marriage and it was rough. Thankfully, I was always the money person so I took care of the finances. My husband made decent money so we were still able to save for retirement and build up some savings for a new house. Once I started working, we put the majority of my income toward paying down the mortgage on our rental. After the mortgage is paid off and we are making more money, we want to start maxing out all our retirement acccounts.
I don't know what Dave Ramsey says so I can't give advice on that but I think that you should focus on emergency savings if your job isn't stable and then retirement savings. Building up retirement when you are young is the smartest move because you have a lot of time for that money to increase, which is the biggest part of the time value of money.
As for your husband contributing to the household right now, I think the two of you need to talk about dividing chores up. If he is going to be home, he should help out with the housework since you are out most of the day and don't have time to do it all. For the budgeting, I think that you should do it together since it effects both of you.
@lindseyrose: No I am really interested in the Dave, but I don't really know where to go from here. We have completed the emergency fund, saved the 3 month salary savings, and paid off debt (my student loan isn't getting interest right now so really its just the house and the truck).
I guess I am more concerned about budgeting for the smaller things that are going to come up and the little things we want to work towards. We are going to talk this evening about what we can do so I'll let you know how it goes.
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So DH and I have been married for just over 4 months. It has been a really tough time for us since the wedding settling back into normal life (aka not everything revolving around the wedding). Things between us are fine, we love each others company, love to have fun, etc.
Our problems start when we have to be "adults" and make some tough decisions. One of the first decisions we made as a married couple was that he would go back to school this fall since the economy wasn't helping his slow business. He was going to get a part time job so that he could still help pay the bills (I can cover 90% of the bills but any spending/saving has to come from him). We talked about how getting job with a traditional company would be good experience to put on his resume since not everyone trusts experience from someone who is self employed. He even set up his school schedule so he has three FULL days with no classes so he can work. He also has a 4 hour break on the other two days that he could pick up hours if it worked out.
Now we have some more tough decisions to make because 4 months after the wedding, he still doesn't have a job. I would like him to take responsibility of household chores and budgeting since he has the extra time. He has no interest in doing this and says if he does do it its going to be his way (aka spend money when we have it, don't spend money when we dont as opposed to setting up a nice budget and spreading expenses and spending over time).
On top of that I think we need to start saving some money for some big purchases coming up (dental expenses, next semester tuition and books, and some repairs that are going to be needed). We are just having a hard time getting on the same page with these things and agreeing what is required.
Sorry, most of this is just a rambling vent. If anyone has any advice on how newlyweds are dealing with these types of issues please let me know!