Tough situation…

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

How is he going to pay for the ring if he doesn’t have the new job? Guys place a lot of importance on having a job and being able to support their family before getting married.  However, I do agree that I would be uncomfortable moving to another state with someone I wasn’t engaged to.  Maybe an agreement that the engagement will be within a year of moving?  And if not, you’re prepared to move back to your hometown.

Post # 4
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee

@ValerieBee03:  Sorry hun, but 99.99999% of men will not have marriage on the checklist until they feel financially secure. It’s a logical reason, and it’s just in their nature. Please don’t feel like he’s throwing you on the backburner just because he wants to get his priorities covered first.

 

I live with my SO right now and we’re not married, and things are peachy keen 🙂 However, I wouldn’t be comfortable giving up my job to move in together, especially in this day and age. Is it possible for him to find a job near your area, or vice versa?

Post # 6
Member
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Another Bee who has lived with her boyfriend before being engaged. We were friends for several months, dated for several more months…and then *boom*, he had to move across the county for his job (family business) and asked me to go with him.

2 years, a wedding dress, and a ring hidden in our house later, I’m sure glad I did 🙂 Every situation is different, but I know for a fact me being willing to uproot for him and his family went a *long* way in showing all of them I was in this for the long-haul.

Post # 9
Member
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@ValerieBee03:  Thank you 🙂

I totally understand your concern, and, full disclosure: BF definitely told me we’d be engaged shortly after moving…and we weren’t. I cannot fault him, though: our financial situation had totally, 100% changed. “Life” definitely happens, so try not to hold it against him if it takes longer than he previously quoted 🙂 Use your gut, but I think it sounds like he plans to keep you around and is just trying to get more settled first 🙂

Post # 10
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Fiance and I both grew up in the same town, went to the same college in Michigan and when we both graduated in 2011 he had the opportunity to start a franchise with his brother in Kentucky. I started my job search and found a job in Kentucky in May 2012, franchise wouldn’t be open until November 2012 so I waited six months for him to finally move. It was extremely difficult knowing I was moving for a man I’ve been with for almost five years and whether or not he was going to propose was difficult for me. I knew we would be together, but I kept telling him that being engaged was more of a security blanket for me and would help me understand that I moved for the right reasons. I can understand your hesitation, I had the same issues, but my FI also has always said no matter what he will put a roof over my head and food on the table.

Post # 11
Member
723 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

you sound like me and my FI, granted he had already had a ring because he had a great paying internship for two years while in college. luckily for us, he ended up getting hid current job (in our hometown!) prior to graduating. He worked 1.5 months after graduating at the new job before he proposed. 

I would have liked him to propose prior to his graduation, but sometimes you just have to do what is right for your partner. I had to face the fact that he very well could have been moving and I would have to stay here (this would have had to happen with or without an engagement as I am in a very competitive and rigerous nursing program) Everything couldn’t have worked out better and now we are happily planning our wedding!

Post # 14
Member
2368 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Honestly, I totally agree with his timeline.  I wouldn’t have accepted a proposal from my fiance if he didn’t have a stable and good job.  And believe me, I’m not hung up on the “provider” BS, we’re both successful.  I had a shithead ex who couldn’t hold a job if his life depended on it, so one of my requirements for anyone I was in a relationship in was the ability to get and keep a job. 

I do understand the fear, but I really wouldn’t be that concerned.  He has a timeline, and he sounds like a mature, rational young man. 

Post # 15
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@ValerieBee03:  Trust me! That is exactly how I felt especially trying to tell my family! My family absolutely LOVES my fiance, but they know I’m not very emotionally stable when it came to moving six months before he did to a state that I’ve NEVER been in or know anyone! I did get alot of props for doing a leap of faith and moving by myself. It will work out, trust your gut! My fiance hid my ring for six months, maybe he’s doing the same 😉

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