- 6 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
The wedding is 26 days away. Fiance and I are stoked, our ideas are coming through, beach cottage is booked, the dress fits, small details are being taken care of, we’re all good….but this stuff is bringing me down..when I let it…
My RSVPs are starting to come in..(we had invitation difficulties with a “friendor” and had to order different ones last minute so everything was late) I’ve known for over six months that none of my family were coming, because they all LOOOOOVED to tell me that they weren’t. It’s too far away, it isn’t where they wanted to go for vacation, why can’t we get married in a state we don’t live in any more, it’s too hot…the reasons go on and on….basically I know they are all offended that I moved away and “took the baby away” (FI took a new job) Still, everyday I get all these NO RSVPs..and it bums me out. In my family, out of over 40 invites, my sister, her husband, and my niece are coming. My Mom is maybe coming (they all live in FL, where the Destination Wedding is so I would hope so). My Dad and step mom are coming from KY. That’s it. And my daughter and I. Seriously?
*All of FI’s family-parents, sibling and family, aunts, cousins, cousins’ spouses, dogs, ALL coming. One of his aunt’s asked who was coming, and I said “everyone in this room plus my Dad, sister, and Mom.” Awkward silence in a room of 30 women on FI’s side. (No really, three dogs are coming!!! ha)
I’ve lost three friends since the engagement. Two were bridesmaids. One Bridesmaid or Best Man always had all these snarky comments like “Why are we going all the way to f*cking Florida if you aren’t even having dancing?” Huh? And, “No one is going to want to come if you don’t have an open bar!!” That was in the early stages of planning when nothing was decided. She had been in five weddings that year and had decided she was an expert on what you just “had to have”. She vetoed all my ideas, demanded what dress and color she wanted, invited her friends to the wedding…etc etc…She has since got engaged to a guy she cheats on even though she says he “doesn’t make enough money for her” so I seemed to have dodged a bullet there.
The other two friends (one was a Bridesmaid or Best Man who never responded to texts, calls, FB msgs about life in general/dresses/hanging out) just sort of faded out..neither of them even responded to my shower invites. After the shower no shows I deleted both of them from phone, FB…I can take a hint.
My family calls this a sham. My step mother who has something undiagnosed going on, has drug my name through the mud for years. She has my family convinced that I have just met this guy and drug the “baby” (she’s almost 8) across two states…my family refuses to get excited about me marrying “some guy off the street” SIGH..we’re both 33 and never been married.
No one in my family or friends offered to have a shower. I know it isn’t required, but I see the way FI’s family works and it makes me sad. Why can’t my family act like that? They all genuinely love each other, genuinely want to see each other, no guilt if you don’t show, no mean phone calls…no passive aggressive bs..
My step sister offered to have a shower for me, and it was miserable. My step mother made a scene, my daughter ran outside crying, none of my friends rsvp’d, only two showed up..(If they weren’t being sketch before, I’d say who could blame them knowing my family) FI’s Mom was there along with my Future Sister-In-Law and they both saw the crazy happen. NOW they get it. My step mother carved my daughter’s name in my cake because she didn’t want her to cry that it only said my and FI’s names. (She wouldn’t have….) My dad showed up and made comments about my daughter having to go to her Dad’s house for the next two weeks “Be careful, you may have to fend for yourself there”..to my 7 year old..what? No one socialized, as usual, my step family sat in one corner and my Dad’s side in the other..I heard a bunch of snarky comments about my step mom (her family has caught on that she is crazy. My grandmothers and aunts all had to announce that they weren’t coming to the wedding in front of everyone. And then list their reasons why and bomboard me with the “why can’t your wedding be here?” demands…then started ranting about how the “baby” had to go to her Dad’s for two weeks and how I needed to bring her over to their house before that (We drove to Ky for the shower and to drop daughter off to her Dad for her summer required visit..we were there two days)
*A positve note, a few of the ladies in my step family caught me outside as they were leaving and gave me some words of encouragement
My famiy has completely ignored the entire wedding. No “how’s the planning?” questions, no dress comments, nothing. It doesn’t exist. All conversations are “Why can’t Fiance get a job at Toyota here? Why did you have to move to MS? How are we supposed to see that baby?” FYI we moved here last August. It’s been a year, please change the subject. We BOUGHT A HOUSE. This is a real thing happening. We aren’t just gypsing it up, flying by the seat of our pants…they don’t see opportunities to better ourselves, they see abandonment and THEIR suffering. And when they realize we are doing better than ok, they are resentful and hurtful. “Must be nice to have a new car. How are you affording that house?” But never, “How is the house coming along?”
On the other side, my mother….she is living a fantasy that everyone in the world owes her money or something, and she is out to get it. She wants to know why my Dad isn’t funding my wedding because “The father always pays”..why haven’t I sent her money since I can buy a house and a car and I know she is “struggling”. Meanwhile every time I talk to her or my sister who lives with her she is in the garage getting stoned. She doesn’t know how she is going to get to the wedding and who is paying for her to stay somewhere…um…drive your own car? She thinks since I’ll be in the state, I can just swing three hours over and pick her up and three hours back…no?
I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea about ME. I am happy in my life. My Fiance and I are happy, we have a loving, respectful, spicy (ha) life. We are comfortable, we don’t have financial woes (except fixing up the moneypit house and the wedding). Daughter is happy, the new job is good, FI’s family is amazing and supportive of every move we make.
**And my wedding dress came in the other day, and that sucker FITSSSSS!!!! It’s a custom made skirt and cami, and the skirt had an elastic waist so bye bye diet!!!***
Anyone else have a toxic/unhappy/unsupportive family? I’m always interested in hearing other stories…I know I’m not the only one out there. I think the wedding planning has really amped up the crazy.