Toxic Family..anyone else? Share your stories and encouragement

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Okay, I didn’t read all of your post bc it’s soooo long. But I read most of it.And it sucks, but yeah, we were blessed with this! I can relate!!!

I am also very happy and so is my now hubby. We have a great happy life and also a moneypit house! seriously…. But, my family is something else. I didn’t invite anyone in my family to my wedding abroad. Except for my alcoholic mom. Ugh. Big mistake. She started getting drunk right after the ceremony. Made a scene and luckily left before anything too crazy happened. She made a bit of a scene on her way out though. I didn’t invite my step-mom and dad bc my step mom said some seriously nasty stuff to me about my mom at xmas. I was very upset and that is exactly when we cancelled our wedding and decided to do a Destination Wedding. My step mom, well I love that woman but I just wanted my wedding to be perfect and I knew my family would change the entire dynamic of what I wanted. She is so negative and always has really nasty things to say….like why did he wait so long to propose to me? What was his problem, is something wrong with me? Why is it taking me so long to finfish nursing school? She knows plenty of nurses and it didn’t take them this long….uh woman! Be happpy for me! I am the 1st person in my entire fam to go to college and have worked my butt off!!!

Well, the list goes on and on and on. I could go on all night. I have NO regrets about my wedding. It was wonderful. I wouldn’t change a thing. I feel bad that my dad wasn’t there, but it’s not something I can’t get over.

All I can say is to enjoy your day and all of the days that you have left leading up to it. It’s all about you and your honey. Enjoy it and brush the other stuff off. 🙂 And congrats!!

Post # 5
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

And I know all about the guilt trips. I get them all the time. You never call, you never visit. At my uncles funeral, a lady that I didn’t know at all came up to me and was telling me how she hasn’t seen me since I was 2 ft tall. My step mom butts in to the conversation and says, “That’s because she only comes around when someone dies.” Geez! No wonder. Everytime I do, I get some awful comments the entire time about how I don’t put in an effort (which I feel I do….much more than they do).


And what my husband tells me, is that we are a family now. We will do things the way we want, and we need to be sure we do our kids right.

Post # 7
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Where to start?

My ‘Father’: Never wanted to be a father in the first place.  My mother – even though she has no medical backing to this assumption – tells him when they meet that she can’t have children.  They meet in the January, by the December she is pregnant.  This is in the late 60s, mother is Catholic so they get married.  My older brother is born the following August.  I’m born the following August due to my mother believing the old wives tale that you can’t get pregnant while breastfeeding…

My mother:  One of 9.  Extremely wealthy family.  My grandmother never had a paid job in her life.  My mother is bought up to believe that all women do is get married to a wealthy man and have children.  Total doormat to my father (she at least admits that now)  He won’t let her work, learn to drive.  She goes along with it when he drags us all to Bangladesh in 1978.  We have virtually no schooling for 3 years, no friends and are living in 3rd world country.  My brother still has health problems to this day due to a parasite he picked up while we were there. 

When I’m 14 we end up in the UK.  My father is posted in Africa.  We see him once a year…2 years go by without seeing him at all.   This in the early to late 80s, so there is no internet, skype, email etc.  He rarely writes, never rings.  Even when I’m in a serious car accident.  

My parents finally split when I’m 21, while I’m abroad on my honeymoon.  My father had earnt a fortune, and spent it all on himself while working abroad….alot of it on native prostitutes.  My mother has to have an Aids test back when the disease is only barely known in the West…

My father left for another woman.  The divorce takes over 3 years, due to fighting over money.  My mother demands that myself and my brothers have no contact with him.  The amount of emotional blackmail she uses is considerable.  My own marriage has ended before their divorce is final.  I get no support from my mother.

I’ve had no contact with my father for 23 years.  My mother is in Australia, I live in the UK.  Last time I tried living in the same city with my mother, I ended up having a nervous breakdown.  I remarried in 2001,  my mother was not invitied. 

I was diagnosed with cancer in 1990, with a cancer that usually happens to people at least twice my age.  My doctors, once hearing of my upbringing, are convinced that stress has caused it.  I’ve now had it twice, and am currently reaching the end of my 5 year remission.

Due to my upbringing, I place little to no value in ‘family’  I will not put up with bullshit from anyone, family least of all.  Blood is not thicker than water.  

Post # 8
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Oh Mississippi, I can completely relate 🙁 *HUGS*

I got engaged three months ago and my mother does not like my fiance because he doesn’t kiss her arse. In the very beginning she mocked me (we’re no longer as close as we used to be because she treats my fiance so badly) because we want to invite everyone we know to the church and have a very small (30 people) reception. She scoffed at me and said “YOU CAN’T DO THAT! You cannot invite people to the church and not the reception!” She didn’t even come to my dress try-on, said “It’s too early. (11 am)” She also snapped at me “So you’re not inviting any of the people that we had a dish 100 bucks at for their weddings (not the reason I want people there) or the cousins (who I never see). FINE, we’ll do all that at your sister’s wedding (who wasn’t engaged yet and that one burned badly.)” She has told me she doesn’t want to go to the wedding and that I can care less anyway. So really so far I have my dad, my brother’s wife, and I don’t know about the three people I’m inviting from extended family. My brother and sister do what my mom says and as far as they’re concerned, “You’re being mean to Mom.” I never see the rest of my extended family. No one has offerred to help with anything (my sister suggested venues when I asked.) It’s like the wedding is not even happening.

SO yeah, it’s completely depressing. My sister got engaged yesterday and I know for a fact, it’s going to be all about her wedding and mine won’t even be mentioned. I wanted to strangle my mother when she gave my sister’s fiance a huge hug and didn’t even acknowledge mine when we announced our engagement. I know this is kinda long but I thought I’d share what I always try to keep in mind…. in the end it’s about us two. No one else. We are committing our lives to each other and God. Those are the three people that should count when we are saying our vows.

Best of luck *hugs hugs hugs* I hope it gets better!!!! Sorry such a long reply lol.

Post # 8
1 posts
  • Wedding: July 2016

I started googling this problem because my wedding is 5 weeks away and I’m not sure how to handle things right now.

When we got engaged I originally wanted to elope because being with my family has never really been enjoyable for me… my sister is condescending, manipulative and generally emotionally abuses me every chance she gets, my mother is an alcoholic who treats my dad like shit, but at the same time my dad is completely selfish and doesn’t even notice that other people have feelings or opinions. My brother is normal, but his wife is quite catty so you never know what she is actually saying behind your back (but its not so bad compared to the rest of them). In the end we decided to have a small wedding anyways. I am getting married in France because that is where I live with my Fiance and I’m so happy and grateful that all of the friends I decided to invite have decided to come. However, that means that I also had to invite my family. 

I knew before that it would probably be stressful and hard being around them. I tend to not be myself or talk at all around them because my mom and sister pounce on any chance they can get to humiliate me. But now some other things have happened where I’m on the verge of just saying fuck it and telling them not to come. 

Throughout the whole process my mom has been acting like I’m not including her and leaving her out so instead of trying to get involved (which is hard when I’m living in France and they live in Canada) she lashes out at me and tries to make everything about her. Recently, my parents after 20+ years of mariage have decided that now is a good time to get divorced. Now, a month before my wedding, perfect time. I know it probably sounds self-absorbed by I really feel like this is her way of making everyone pay attention to her. She feels left out of my wedding and my brother recently had a baby and I know she feels left out of that because my SIL hates her. So now we are all worried/concerned/paying attention to her because she’s leaving my dad. 

My sister who has always been horrible to me messaged me the other day and asked me to get her ‘2-3 grams of m’ to take at my wedding because she is ‘much more likeable on m than wine’. I replied and said no I am not going to find drugs for you and am frankly offended that you would like to take drugs at my wedding. She replied saying that I her choices are her choices and I shouldn’t try to ‘shame’ her. And you know what? It actually worked and I felt guilty. 

What am I going to do… how am I going to survive this wedding…

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