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hugssss*
i kno it's hard to lose people out of your life, but it sounds like in this case, that you're better off. doesn't make it any easier to deal with right now, but as time passes you will heal and know that you are in a better place and are a better person without someone like that in your life!
A few years out of college, I broke off a toxic friendship with my best friend of 6 years. We were best friends thru college and after. She became very selfish, yet was contribuiting very little to the friendship. I was giving 110% & she gave 20%, on a good day. Things got to be too much for me. I was always travelling to see her, running around when she was available, and her mood brought me down.
I quit all contact with her, it was making me sick. I was very lonely for a period of time, but I got out there, made more friends, and moved on with my life. I haven't talked to her in years. I understand that her life has gotten worse, things have been going on with her for a while, but she has not attempted to reach out to me for help, so I wont' offer it... as awful as that sounds, she would just rope me back into her drama, and her lifestyle, and I can't do that anymore.
I wish her well, but I had to move on. It's hard for a while losing someone so close, and I can't imagine losing a friend so close to such an important event, but you will see that your planning, and your wedding events will be much better without the drama. You still have a couple years to go. You never know, you might end up befriending someone you couldn't live w/o in that time, and she will be your first choice for MOH.
Good luck.
My best friend of 10 years has been blowing me off for the past 3 wks, she is my MOH and has never asked me anything about the wedding. I asked her weeks ago to come over and watch funny MOH speeches on youtube and to pick her BM's dress I had picked up for her, but she would constantly say she is coming but never shows up or even calls! She is going through alot right now with her family but I just dont understand how she could say she will call me in 15 mins or come by by 3pm and never shows. My FI said I should just end the friendship but I will be crushed to do so. If she doesnt show up at the shower or wedding thats when I will make my decision. But I dont think it will hurt so much if we ever have to cut ties because if she really wanted to be here for me then she would make an effort and no one wants a friend like that.
I lost a friend too. It's not easy, and it hurts so much but eventually it does get better. Eventually you'll be able to stop crying, get to sleep, and wish her all the best. I'm so sorry you're going through this right now.
My friend actually told me that because she and her BF are engaged and me and my BF are not engaged, but still talking about marriage, that I needed to "Stop playing house and just grow up and do it already". She treated my relationship as different from hers simply because we are not engaged. BF asked me to move in with him the night before last while he's settling into his new job and she completely blew up on me because I didn't call her immediately to tell her. I think that's a pretty crappy reason to end a friendship so my thought is she had ulterior motives but knew she was in the wrong.
Have to add: The reason I didn't call her right away is because the day before she had yelled at me for constantly being with BF and said "There is no more you! It's always you and BF!".
@potatoes: Could be. Has she ever acted like this before? Because if not, her current issues could be majorly messing with her.
We got into an argument a few months ago about something unrelated. I swear she is depressed and she realizes she made a mistake by moving in and getting engaged to her BF but she's trying to make me responsible for her happiness.
She use to have seizures and I think it really messed her up. She's just not the same anymore. I've tried everything I can to be there for her in any way that I can, but she's a very needy person and she was starting to interfere with my relationship with BF.
My family has been trying to get me to part ways with her for years because they recognized her manipulative behavior but I honestly didn't realize it until she moved away and I didn't see her all the time anymore.
Now she's threatening to sue me for slander because I talked about the situation to one of my friends who was concerned about me. I think I'm allowed to hurt and vent to my real friends. I never said anything defamatory so now I think she's really just trying to make me miserable... When will this end?!
That's just sad that she thinks she would actually have a case against you for slander. After she left you that voicemail which you actually have recorded. I mean, really she needs to grow up. Sounds like a real low-life deadbeat friend, good riddance.
Honestly - I think you're better off with out someone like that in your life. Everytime I come across a thread like this it reminds me of this poem:
Reason, Season, or Lifetime Friends
When someone is in your life for a reason, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. S/he has come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually.
S/he is there to meet a need. Then without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, s/he will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes s/he dies. Sometimes s/he walks away. Sometimes s/he acts up or out and forces you to take a stand. What we must realize is that the need has been met.
When a person comes into your life for a season, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. S/he may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. S/he may teach you something you have never done. S/he usually gives you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Lifetime relationships teach you lifetime lessons. Those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. You must accept the lesson, love the person/people anyway, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
Source: Anonymous
tell her if she sues for slander then you are going to sue her for emotional distress!
you don't need friends like that
Wow, slander doesn't work like that.
Well, one of my 'friends' didn't want to be my friend anymore because she asked to move in with DH and I and I said "no".
Your crap friend should go befriend my crap friend. Karma, baby!
Either way, I'm sorry. It's hard when people change for the worst. My dad always says that sometimes people come into your life to teach you a hard lesson.
At this point I'm more upset that she's still dragging it up. She even called my dad and my grandpa! She's totally out of line and I wonder if she's got some sort of mental health issue going on that I didn't know about because that doesn't sound normal to me at ALL. They basically treated her like another daughter and this is just a slap in the face to all of us.
she's calling yiour dad AND grandpa about it? wtf. Who does that? I'd NEVER call up my ex-friend and be like, "your daughter is acting psychotic".....
i am SO sorry you're going through this. I had this happen myself about 6 years ago...my "best friend" from high school (and of 10 years) - was so incredibly toxic - yet I never saw it. all my other friends did and wondered WHY i was friends with such a horrid person - but i loved her and thought she was the world...but when things ended - as lonely as I was - I can not tell you how LIBERATING it was to really find myself and not constantly be in her shadow...now, obviously i don't know your situation other than what you posted - but truly, if she really is toxic - and you feel that she is - i'm just saying, from my own experience - it really is SO much better to get rid of friends like that and move on. I grew up SO much after she and I parted ways...and from what i've heard, she really hasn't too much (we're both 30 now)...there are times when i miss her - but my life truly has been SO much better without her in it.
i really hope you feel better and things work out for you.
Wow your crap friend sould CRAZY. What on earth could she say to your dad & grandpa? Um I'm crazy. She needs to grow up, move on and leave you & your family alone. Also any lawyer that she went to for her supposed case of slander would laugh in her face IMO, it's not like you wrote it on a billboard or your fb, you were talking to a friend. She's a moron.
Reading your words, it is amazing the parallels between your toxic-friendship, and the confusing and painful series of emotions that women often go through in abusive relationships. my advice- move on, don't look back, and don't give in- your friend needs to figure out her issues, and you need to countdown the days to being a drama-free bride!
Okay, she's officially PSYCHO. She drove to my parent's house to tell them that just because she and I "aren't getting along" doesn't mean she doesn't love them and they shouldn't be afraid to talk to her... Um... Stay the f**k away from my FAMILY you crazy *itch! Sorry but I am LIVID right now! >___<
I'm seriously considering it. The plot thickens here
http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/holding-my-stuff-hostage
Too long to rewrite.
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I just lost my best friend of 6 years and though I can see now how toxic she was I'm still having trouble coping. She was the only person I ever considered being my MOH (I find it hard to get close to people). She's been going through a rough time lately so I tried to give her space while she was lashing out but last night she left me a nasty voicemail. I missed her call because I was in the restroom and when I came back she had left me a message calling me immature for not answering my phone and saying that she "was done being my friend forever". Other people who know both of us have told me that it's for the best and that they could see all along that she was a user, but it doesn't make me feel any better about it. How do you cope with losing someone you were so very close to even though they made you miserable towards the end of the relationship? This is the second "friend" I've had to deal with that just could not leave the drama on the stage and between the two of them in the past 4 months they have managed to alienate people from me because nobody wants to be the next victim.