Toxic friendship?

posted 4 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
10195 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Have you talked to her about this?

Post # 4
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Your friend seems to have a whole lot of opinions, issues and insecurities. Dragging you down makes her feel better about herself, for a moment. I know people like this, they are toxic. In a friendship you should be accepted for who you are and not made to defend yourself. The only thing wrong here is you putting up with this. If she makes you feel bad and dragged down, this isn’t someone you should spend time with. 

Post # 5
Member
7878 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

lola217 :  I don’t why you’d want to socialise with a person like that at all. She criticises your marriage, your politics, your looks, how you treat your dog…

Friends don’t do that. I think this “friendship” has run its course.

Post # 7
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee

I have a friend just like that.  Met her at work.  She once made me cry at a meeting.

 

I ended up telling her what she did (in your case I guess you’d tell her what she does) was totally not cool for reasons X Y and Z.  Ultimately she apologized but nothing really changed so I kind of did my own thing for a few months.  I’m so glad I stood up for myself.

 

IMO, girls like that don’t really change.  She ended up calling a few months later & we talk pretty regularly now except she is a bit more mindful of what she says and I have a lot of established space for when she becomes too much.

Some friendships are better in small doses.

 

Edit** or better off ended.  Either way, do stand up for yourself.  I think that’s important 

 

 

Post # 8
Member
10195 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

So she says something disparaging about your marriage/ dog/ looks and you say nothing? Instead blame yourself? First, you need to stand up for yourself. Second, who cares if strangers think she is toxic? She is a first class jerk and you shouldn’t waste your time on a “friend” who has the gall to be so rude to you.

Post # 11
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee

lola217 :  Omg no!  Don’t let her stay with you!  BOUNDARIES will be very helpful for you. Really.  

Some girls are just like that.  They are really great in some ways but also horribly emotionally manipulative. 

My college roommate was like that too.  We spent almost every day together.  She very clearly was an alpha type personality and she used backhanded remarks to make me feel small.  

I didn’t realize how much she was murdering my self esteem until I moved out.  Hence, when I ran into a similar situation at work I knew I needed to do my own thing.

 

Create some distance and do not tolerate the mean words.  If she gets mad, so be it.  She can’t physically hurt you.  Don’t have her at your place all up in your life, she’s probably bringing you down like crazy!

Post # 12
Member
1822 posts
Buzzing bee

I had a “friend” like this, also met at work.

She threw me under the bus and made me look bad at a few meetings, criticized my wedding in a variety of ways, even said my mom (who no one knew was fatally ill at the time) “didn’t look too good” at my wedding. Once, she was awful to me during a very painful breakup because I didn’t just suck it up and move on so easily (although I think she was more upset I wasn’t able to listen to her near daily life rants at the time). During the elections, she publicly bashed my husband on FB for a fairly neutral comment he made on his own page in response to someone else–she just came out of the blue and slammed him. And she used to see him at his work sometimes (he works at the car dealership she bought her car from)…and complained about things she found offensive about me–to him!

After all of this I decided she just wasn’t a good friend at all. I gave her several chances. She made me feel way more bad than good. I started by defriending her on FB but she saw that pretty quick and reached out with a final email that took no accountability for her actions over the years. I never responded. I feel a lot better not having to wonder what she will do to put me down next!!!

Post # 14
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee

well if she was around you dog a lot and it’s not well trained, that comment sounds valid

you do need to talk with her and tell her exactly what she says and how it hurts your feelings, and how if she’s trying to be helpful her comments need to be constructive not just negative. Also bring up things you think she’s being hypocritical about, like her boyfriend. I think that she’s been surrounded by so much negativity that it’s normal to her and she might not realize her behavior isn’t normal, you can help her see the light here. Slap some sense into her! Dont be supportive about this cheating addict loser boyfriend, ask her why she has such low self esteem that shed allow herself to be treated like that? Give it to her straight! Some people need tough love. She wants to dish it, she needs to take it!

You can change her life 🙂 ……..and if this doesn’t work, just cut her out of your life completely

Post # 15
Member
5587 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

lola217 :  

Life is short.  Why waste your time with a person who treats you like crap?

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