Toxic friendship?

posted 4 months ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee

lola217 :  I’m sure she does call you all the time.  She probably doesn’t have a lot of friends, she sounds wretched lol.  This is why you can speak your mind and not fear consequences.  She needs you way more than you think.

Post # 17
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

lola217 :  Yeah cut her off like a tumor. Seriously. I had a friend like this..  she didn’t do the “i’m hotter than you thing” Instead if any guy showed interest in me she instantly either tried to get with him even though she was married and/or would break up any relationship I had telling the guy lies about me…. Telling me lies about them etc… etc..

Your friend is insecure just like mine was and OMG I LOVEDDD my friend she was amazing most of the time and we had a blast together, but she was super toxic and I finally just stopped answering her calls after a really stupid argument we had and have been in a better place ever since.

Post # 20
Member
7885 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

lola217 :  (((Hugs))) even coming from someone who’s unhinged, that hurts.

My advice is to not try to diagnose her. All she’s doing is dragging you down. For your own sanity, forget about diagnosing her and cut her out of your life.

(But why on earth were you telling her about your sex life anyway? I only do that with the woman I absolutely 100% trust, not with crazy opinionated friends).

You may want to write her one last note where you say you hope she gets out of her relationship with a drug addict cheat; and/or if she wants friends she needs to stop criticising people. But I doubt it’d work.

Post # 21
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee

Probably extreme insecurity.  Gett outta therrre!  Retreat!

She has spent a lot of time with you so she knows how to hurt you.  Don’t believe her!  

 

Maybe she’s borderline, maybe she just has low self esteem, but it’s not worth your peace of mind.

 

^^ I’m with PP who said don’t tell her about your personal life.  Don’t give her ammo

Post # 24
Member
4853 posts
Honey bee

lola217 :  

“not telling word by word detail just that we don’t do it because of my medical condition I’m not afraid to tell people that” .

Not a matter of being ‘afraid’  it’s a matter of not being appropriate, Your friend  sounds  awful and I agree with keeping a complete distance from her . But seriously,  stop  telling  ‘people’ –  any people –  about the sexual status of your marriage!! Your poor husband – I’m sure he’d be mortified  to know this.  
 

Post # 25
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee

Sounds almost identical to one of my best friends. She’s not that bad or I would not be friends with her still… but she has done all of this over 8 years, not a couple of months! That’s brutal. And knowing how many issues my friend has I have given her a lot of breaks over the years, but you CANT let them take advantage of you like that or they will tear you down really quick. Stand your ground and when she says something about your husband (or anything really) say “Why would you say that? I am really questioning wether or not you are a true friend if you can constantly put me down like that. You need to step back and listen to yourself, because I am done with your back handed comments.” Watch how quickly she will scramble. 

People sometimes like to push boundaries and see what they can get away with. It’s like a kid testing a parent or a babysitter. 

For example my friend now lives a few states and when she came to visit the past few times it was so unbareable… sulking, being negative, crying because she is upset she has to leave to go back home in a couple of days… like dude, you just got here! So last time she came to visit I only got to see her for a few days and she was telling me how our other friend went with her for a few days to visit family (I was originally supposed to go) and she was in a bad mood because she was sick and I just said “oh then it’s a really good thing I didn’t go!” And only saw her for lunch one day and then went to the beach and partied with her the second time and left it at that. We used to spend the whole week together and we would go around to her family and visit our friends, now I keep a distance.

other work friends I have cut off after a few months if I can feel they are hot tempered or like to play victim and make up arguments. I have too many friends to see and keep in touch with to waste time with toxic people. Plus my fiancé is a positive person so I feel when people are being negative really easily.

I hope you ditch her or she changes her ways!

Post # 28
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee

lola217 :  yeah and my favourite is when they are a hot mess and they try to “get real” with you and try to tell you what your problem is. That is usually where I will get calm and for every point they try to make I will dish a point of how they are. Some people feed on putting others down. I don’t like to do it, but if you can dish it then be ready to take it.

She sounds very troubled. Maybe tell her you are busy the next time she wants to hang out and then set a date for the next time you are free and put it to 1 week out. If you actually go out with her and meet up at a place then you can control when you have to go. Start catching up with other friends as well so you are actually busy and have date nights with your husband. It will only be the best for you. If she still acts the same way on shorter visits then you know it is a dead end. Some friends are only good for fun nights out and others are good for the whole package. If she wants to see you more and asks why you aren’t as close then you can tell her the truth and explain that you like her as a friend, but sometimes says things that hurt and you need people in your life that bring you up. 

Of course this can be stage 2 after you confront her the next time she says something demeaning again. She will get the hint and correct her behaviour if she wants to keep up the friendship. 

Post # 30
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee

lola217 :  maybe, but she is literally sucking energy out of you. Even if it is more of a one man show then give her space and try again later. When people aren’t happy with themselves they will bring down others to feel better, do you want to be brought down? I wouldn’t. 

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