Post # 1
This will probably turn into a half vent, half genuine query…
So, we went to register for the first time over the weekend. I was excited, since it seems like a fun thing, but also wanted to be practical about it. Our plan is to register at one store- BB&B, and also do a honemoon registry. I’m kind of counting on our honemoon registry to cover the majority of our trip (I have airfare covered through miles I’ve saved, but we still need lodging, meals, fun activities, etc.), so I wanted to keep our in-store stuff kind of sparse in hopes that people will largely contribute to the honeymoon. Little did I know, FI had a whole different idea!
As we progressed through the store he’s bopping along pinging this and that with the little scanner gun. We’ve lived together for several years so don’t need much, but some upgrades/replacements would be nice. I was fine with stuff like a nicer cookware set, knives, etc. Then we got to the fun stuff like an espresso machine. Now, sure- it sounds like fun, but my opinion is that it could make a lovely Christmas gift from him to me later this year or next, and in the meantime by keeping that off the registry I would much rather have somone spend $150 on a night in a hotel for us rather than a fun but unessesary gift. His thought is that 1) Not everyone will feel comfortable buying something online. They want a tangable THING to give you, not just a contribution towards an amorphous trip. 2) If you don’t put enough stuff on the store registry, people will just pick stuff that they think you need, rather than defaulting to the other registry. (Which, granted, in those cases we could just return it for cash which would go towards our honemoon anyway, but stilll..). I see his points. They make sense. AND, I don’t think he understands how desperately we need they honemoon registry to be successful in order for us to HAVE a honeymoon.
He wants to do more research on honemoon registries. The three I’ve heard of that seem to be most popular are Traveler’s Joy, Honeyfund, and Honeymoon Wishes. I know many bees have uses all of those… what were your experiences? What made you choose one over the other? From the preliminary research I’ve done it seems Traveler’s Joy or Honeymoon Wishes make the most sense, but I’m still definitely open to other opinions/stories/warnings/tips/advice. Also, to those of you who have used any of them- did you have to book through special companies or only at select hotels?
Thanks in advance!
Post # 3
It’s weird, becuase I just asked my SO how he feels about doing a honeymoon registry when we get married and he didn’t have anything positive to say about it.
Post # 4
We were both pretty in agreement about doing the honeymoon registry & BB&B, so I was surprised to hear his hesitations about it once we were in the thick of it. We’d discussed it before and both liked the idea… not sure where his sudden change of heart came from!?
Post # 5
I really wish I knew what to tell you. We are struggling with this issue too, as do a lot of other people. I really wish the American etiquette gurus would announce that it is perfectly ok to ask for cash (like Chinese culture for example).
Post # 6
I hate to tell you… but I kind of agree with your FI on this one. A lot of people do not like online registries or honeymoon registries. Right or wrong, that is kind of the situation. My family for example does not like them. My brother did a similar thing with his fiance… that had just a few things at target and then a honeymoon registry. One person got them something for the honeymoon registry, the few that could got stuff off of the target registry, and everybody else just got them random stuff. I do not think a lack of options on the regular registry will force people over to the honeymoon one… i think you’ll end up with random stuff you don’t need or want.
Post # 7
Yeah, I haven’t gotten anything from a honeymoon registry. I’m not sure where the money is going and who’s taking a cut. I’d rather just cut out the middle man and write a check to the couple, but that’s just me I know plenty of people who think they’re a fun idea.
Post # 8
We did the same thing as you! My bridal shower invitations went out over a week ago, and the early trend is REALLY strong towards the honeymoon registry (I didnt mean to see it, but I had accidentally hit yes to receiving emails about the registry… so after getting lots of emails, I was curious and checked) We did ours with Travelers Joy because of their reputation, and have been REALLY happy with their service. (we made the site, bought something off it to see how long it takes to get your money etc with Travelers Joy and with Honeyfund, and Travelers Joy was MUCH faster!)
Anyways, people seem to really like the honeymoon registry, and i have heard family and friends comment that they really like being able to get a gift, but knowing that regular housewares are not something we really need. Having said that, we also did a brick and mortar store registry for some of the older guests… who, surprisingly, are loving the honeymoon registry as well. I say go for it!! Do your research, play with it!! Travelers Joy was how we went, but that was based on our hopes and expectations, and yours may be different!! Goodluck!
Post # 9
@ troubled- interesting point. Were you a guest for our wedding, let’s say, would it ease your mind at all if an explanation was given on our wedding website registry page about how the honeymoon registry works, what fees are charged, and where the fees go? Or would that just make you even more suspicious since I brought the fees to your attention in the first place?
Post # 10
I have to say it-I don’t like honeymoon registries. To me they are the exact same thing as giving cash and that is not something I am comfortable with. Many people I know feel the same way (it came up recently) so I agree with your FI.
Post # 11
We did a honeymoon registry (through Traveler’s Joy) and a registry with Target where we only registered for a handful of items. We ended up getting every single item we registered for with the traditional registry and most of it was given at the bridal shower, which I expected. We also got our entire honeymoon to Paris paid for and only got 1 item that I can think of that wasn’t on a registry so for us it worked out well.
I think it depends a lot on your family and friends. Most of the people we know thought it was a cool idea and those who didn’t want to go that route bought off the Target registry or just wrote us a check. Perhaps you can mention it to a few of your family members and try to gauge their reaction.
Post # 12
@missbiscuit: I guess it would be nice to know how it works. I’m not sure though, it seems like it would be difficult to address fees in a tactful way. But as soon as I saw there were any fees I’d just write the couple a check directly and not go through the site. Unless they’re actually booking things for you. But from what I understand of them is they just write you a check at the end and you have to take care that the money actually goes to the honeymoon. Is that right?
Post # 13
We’re using Traveler’s Joy in addition to our Crate & Barrel registry (and a few things at Target). So far, many of our guests have really loved the honeymoon registry! In my opinion, there’s no harm in having both. If your guests aren’t keen on the honeymoon registry, then they’ll just go with the “real stuff” registry.
And the way it works with Traveler’s Joy is that they take a small cut of the money (7%, I believe, which is reasonable to us) and in return they let our gift givers pay by credit card, then Traveler’s Joy just holds onto the money until we want to receive it. There are three options for redemption: receiving a check, having it wired into your bank account (for a small wire fee of $12, which is what banks charge anyway), or through PayPal. All these options can take a few days up to about a week, according to their website. We’ll go the check route, since we don’t need the cash until after we return from the honeymoon (we can front the cash ourselves for our trip). Some honeymoon registries require that the guests “pledge” a gift and then mail you a check, or that the GUESTS pay a small fee to use PayPal to give you a gift. I didn’t like either of these options, so Traveler’s Joy has been best for us.
We love it, and our guests love buying fun things for us to do on our honeymoon! They’ve gotten a big kick out of it!
Post # 14
Um, I love the concept of a honeymoon registry. If I don’t do it, then I won’t do a registry at all. I am in my 30’s and I have most of the things I want in my apartment. Compound that by the fact that I live in NYC and most of our dwellings seem like cardboard boxes. Where am I going to put the extra linens and food processors and martini shakers?? Oh well, when the time comes, to the honeymoon registry the guests shall go 🙂
Post # 15
We are using Honeyfund, and we loooove it. We also registered at Crate and Barrel, so if guests are more comfortable with that, they have options.
We chose Honeyfund for several reasons: They do not handle your gift money. Our guests buy whatever honeymoon activity they want, then they tell Honeyfund what they will do to get the money to us. They can write and send a check to us before the wedding, bring a check or cash or whatever to the wedding, or use PayPal to transfer money directly from their own account to ours for a fee of 3% (charged to us, not them). I liked it because our guests have three options, two of which do not involve a fee being paid to Honeyfund at all, and the third costs what I felt was a very reasonable fee. We are not required to spend the money any particular way, and designed our honeymoon with total freedom.
Many of our friends have expressed excitement about getting to give us a gift they know we really need. We are avid travelers and would really rather have an awesome trip than anything else, and like many other brides, we are in our 30s now and have plenty of household items.
I know lots of other folks who have used Traveler’s Joy, and really loved the service at that site, too. As far as etiquette, I think it is still a gray area at this point, but that they will become pretty standard as time passes. It’s just more logical for today’s couples, who are getting married after living together for months or years, and later in life than they would have a few decades ago. But, I certainly understand that some people feel it’s rude, and that’s okay. Know your audience, that’s all.
Post # 16
I don’t mind honeymoon registries, actually, so long as there’s another retail store to purchase gifts from as well. Just make sure there are things on the honeymoon registry that are affordable as well. Some people may not be able to pay for a hotel room one night (if you plan to stay at a more upscale hotel).
I think “lingerie” showers are more weird than helping the happy couple go on a dream vacation. I would rather put money toward the vacation than the panties you’ll be (not)wearing when you and your hubby get it on, you know?
It’s funny how people have such different opinions on things, isn’t it?